Moulton Lava

Truth, Justice, and the American Way

2011-09-04T01:29:00.000-04:00

DC Comics has rebooted its collection of Superhero comics. This event would normally be of passing note in the annals of popular culture, but it presents us with a timely opportunity to remind ourselves of the enduring themes of these otherwise fictional characters.

Week after week, Superman fights "the never ending battle for Truth, Justice, and the American Way."

A lifetime of academic study offers us a little perspective on "Truth, Justice, and the American Way."

We learn from Mathematics, Philosophy, and Science that Truth is not only elusive, it's remarkable difficult to sort fact from fiction. It's not enough to value Truth as a worthwhile objective; one must learn how to divine the Truth from amongst all the competing conjectures, hypotheses, and opinions.

Similarly, we learn that Justice is a complex and controversial concept. Are we pursuing Retributive Justice or Restorative Justice? One can spend a career exploring the subtleties of John Rawls' Theory of Justice.

As to the American Way, God only knows what that means. Certainly the Republicans and the Democrats can't agree on what it means. The Tao of Pooh seems to have little or nothing to do with the American Way.

I'm not convinced that we have an adequate understanding of Truth or Justice, and I despair of us ever coming to an agreement on what is meant by the American Way.

The Rise and Fall of the Nerd Right

2011-09-02T09:33:00.000-04:00

There is a disturbing trend among some misguided adolescent techies to engage in juvenile antics that spiral out of control and cause significant long-term harm, both to themselves and to the reputation of the high-tech culture.

This trend is most salient in the lulz-seeking practices of the juvenile trolls whom Mattathias Schwartz wrote about three years ago in "Malwebolence: The Trolls Among Us" in the Sunday New York Times Magazine.

The remnants of the lulz-seekers from that era are now engaged in more shenanigans under the aegis of 'Anonymous' and 'Lulz-Sec' — loosely organized cells of masked protesters who gleefully disrupt commercial systems and public services in a kind of high-tech guerrilla theater.

The slogan of 'Anonymous' is: "We are Anonymous. We are Legion. We do not forget. We do not forgive. Expect us."

So here we go again, folks. Now we can expect the Rise and Fall of the Nerd Right.

Thrilling.

________________________________________________

Title: American Strife
Artist: Anonymous and the Legionnaires
Composer: Madonna and Barsoom Tork Associates
YouTube: American Life — Madonna

Do I have to change my game?
Will it get me far?
Should I play it straight?
Am I gonna be a star?

I tried to be a nerd,
I tried to be a grrl
I tried to be a jerk,
I tried to win the quest
I guess I did it wrong,
That's why I wrote this song

This type of nerdy life - Is it for me?
This type of jerky life - Is it for free?
So, I went onto YouTube looking for some lulz
A subtle destiny - I went around the bend
It's more easily said it's always been a game
This type of nerdy life - Is not for me?
This type of jerky life - Is not for free?

American strife
I cry the American scream
You are the last thing I've been,
You are not just a theme

I tried to mask my head,
I tried to play the flop
I tried to blow a fart,
But somehow I forgot
Just what I did it for
And why I want to score
This type of nerdy life - Is it for me?
This type of jerky life - Is it for free?

Do I have to change my game?
Will it get me far?
Should I play it straight?
Am I gonna be a star?

American strife
I cry the American scream
You are the last thing I've been,
You are not just a theme

I tried to be a nerd,
I tried to be a grrl
I tried to be a jerk,
I tried to win the quest
I tried to find some lulz,
I tried to mask my head
I tried to play the flop...

Fuck it...
Do I have to change my game?
Will it get me far?
Should I play it straight?
Am I gonna be a star?

I'm drinking a joy latte
I get a double shot
It goes right through my body
And you know
I'm satisfied,
I launch Low Orbit Ion Cannon
Slurp Blackberry Yogurt (Dannon)
IRC Sysops can ban 'em
And you know I'm satisfied
I do BitTorrent with Bay Pirates
Downloading all the hotties
And I'm checking out their bodies
And you know I'm satisfied

I'm smoking stinky dope
Grown with synthetic isotope
And if all this can give me hope
You know I'm satisfied
I got no lawyer, I like danger
No agent nor a shrink
No scruples, no repentance
Just a crazy YouTube cat
A grainy image camera
And a video warning, live
A website with a demo
Do you think I'm satisfied?

I'd like to express my extreme point of view
I'm not yet baleted and I'm not yet through
I'm just shouting out the American scream
And I just realized that LulzSec is gone, it seems

Do I have to give up fame?
Am I gonna be a flop?
Do I have to give my name
If I wanna be a star?
Do I have to change my game?

CopyClef 2011 Madonna and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware. All songs abused.

"At Resurrection Hackware, Lunatic Drama is our most important offense."

Madonna — American Life

Once a Bureaucracy, Always a Bureaucracy

2011-08-19T14:06:00.000-04:00

In 1967, when I was a graduating senior at the University of Nebraska, I interviewed just 3 companies: Honeywell, Raytheon, and Bell Telephone Laboratories.

Of the three, I was most impressed with Bell Labs and most appalled with Raytheon — a company that began in the early days of radio as a manufacturer of vacuum tubes, batteries and other electronic components. Today, Raytheon is a defense contractor best know for the Patriot Missiles that didn't perform so well during the first Gulf War.

The problem with Raytheon when I interviewed them back in the 1960s was that the corporate culture was hopelessly bureaucratic — a culture that is anathema to a high-tech research organization.

Last week, I was having lunch with some colleagues at BBN Systems and Technologies. BBN is the little company that invented the Internet some 40 years ago under a visionary contract from DARPA.

A few years ago, Raytheon acquired BBN Systems and Technologies and saddled it with their depressingly bureaucratic corporate culture.

I was waiting for the elevator in the lobby of BBN, when a Raytheon Security Guard noticed that I was wearing a Visitors Badge but was otherwise unescorted by any of those whom I was joining for lunch that day.

Here is the Raytheon Security Ticket issued to my host:

I suppose this episode scotches Wally's request to Raytheon Human Resources to re-issue me a badge as a Visiting Scientist so that I can join him and his colleagues for lunch without having to sign in each week and be escorted from the lobby to the cafeteria.

Update: Wally reports that Raytheon Human Resources has declined to issue me a Visiting Scientist badge.

My Comment

2011-07-20T06:11:00.000-04:00

Title: My Comment
Artist: Moulton
Composer: Rebecca Black and Barsoom Tork Associates
YouTube: My Moment — Rebecca Black

Were you the one who wouldn't say nothing?
Well, I'm about to sing a song
I'm not the only one who believes in something
My lame theory is about to bug you

I'm not stopping for you
No matter what you do
I'll just keep on thinking
My lede up in the blogs
Where nobody is around to see...

This is my comment, my comment
It's my crime, flying high, fine slime
Feels like my comment, my comment
I've waited for so long
But now everybody knows
This is my comment, my comment

It's my crime, flying high, fine slime
Feels like my comment, my comment
I've waited for so long
But now everybody knows
This is my comment, my comment

You knew it all along, I was in awe of you
I thought I could be frank
I tried to be your friend
But you wouldn't let me

Remember what you said
Don't diss out on our dance
Our strife is in our hands
So let's take it just as far as we can
But trusting in oneself, forget everything else

Let's grieve...

This is my lament, my lament
It's my crime, flying high, fine slime
Feels like my lament, my lament
I've waited for so long
But now everybody knows
This is my lament, my lament

It's my crime, flying high, fine slime
Feels like my lament, my lament
I've waited for so long
But now everybody knows

Baiters, said I'll trash you later
Can't talk to you right now
I'm writing my paper
Said I'm doing Digg things
Things you never screamed of
I hope you are happy
Cause I'm about to throw up

This is my comment, my comment
It's my crime, flying high, fine slime
Feels like my comment, my comment
I've waited for so long
But now everybody knows
This is my comment, my comment

It's my crime, flying high, fine slime
Feels like my comment, my comment
I've waited for so long
But now everybody knows
This is my comment, my comment

CopyClef 2011 Rebecca Black and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware. All songs abused.

"At Resurrection Hackware, we bring the zombies back to life."

My Moment — Rebecca Black

Allie Catter and the Prisoner of Lulzkaban

2011-07-18T07:28:00.000-04:00

Cast of Characters:

Allie Catter, the grrl who partook of the Apple and lived.

Sirius Dork, the Prisoner of Lulzkaban.

The Sherrif of Grippodam, Guerrilla of the Vinyl Solution.

Alien Johnslam, mild-mannered Dorkplace employee by day, intrepid crime-stopper by night

Lark Donnybook, mild-mannered Dorkplace employee by day, imaginative book-maker by night

Lol Eater, the inevitable highly attractive bait.

Professor Moultonagall, narrator of improbable stories.

Synopsis:

Our highly improbable story takes place at Boggart's School of Lulzsec and Bigotry.

Backstory: Alien Johnslam launches a secret program of Radical Profiling in the Town of Least Pallid Auto, which eventually becomes a career-ending scandal for her. But before that banal denouement, there is Dramahz Galore as Sirius Dork (a misguided resident of Least Pallid Auto) becomes ensnared in a dangerous game of Guerrilla Theater, inspired by the Sherrif of Grippodam's original Guerrilla Theater of the Absurd, known to Trolls everywhere as ED's Sully Van Theater, an Evil Cult of the Vinyl Solution, where nobody gets out alive.

Our story begins as Allie Catter is drawn into Boggart's School of Lulzsec and Bigotry by Lol Eater, the Dreaded Demon of Dopamine Drives, where the name of the game is Narcissistic Hounding. Allie Catter meets Sirius Dork at the Boggart's School and engages him in a lop-sided battle of wits, skits, and snits. Their ill-conceived affair devolves into a Tragic Story of Unrequited Hate.

Sirius Dork blunders badly, and is arrested by Alien Johnslam on a suspicion of being a dork in public. Lark Donnybook charges the miscreant with Dorkplace Violence for Over-Acting in the Guerrilla Theater of the Absurd. Bail is set at 100,000 Knuts, and Dork is sent to Lulzkaban, where he tattoos the Dork Symbol on his ribs, all the while brooding over his fate and planning his revenge.

We take up our story just as Sirius Dork escapes from Lulzkaban and resumes Dorking in Public on the mean streets of Least Pallid Auto.

--To be continued--

The Handwriting on the Wall

2011-07-08T07:04:00.000-04:00

The phrase, "handwriting on the wall," comes from an Old Testament story found in Chapter 5 of the Book of Daniel. The (Hebrew) words written on the wall were "Mene, Mene, Tekel, uParsin" which we may poetically translate as "Money, Money, Token and Portion."

Nowadays, the writing on the wall is mostly found on Facebook, where it is occasionally as cryptic and foreboding as the ominous example from the Book of Daniel.

If one were to update these puzzling words to reflect the Daily Zeitgeist, the writing on the wall might read, "Lulz, Lulz, Psychodrama, and Fractiousness."

I reckon that "lulz" needs no explanation, as there is no shortage of gleeful schadenfreude in the modern age.

The difficulty comes in weighing the dreadfulness of the psychodramatic mind games that underlie the dopamine-driven pursuit of lulz. Some people laugh it off or shrug it off, while others are totally creeped out and/or phreaked out.

And thus arises the fractiousness, as the audience divides into polar camps, depending on the level of arousal of their amygdala (the brain's full-time fear-processor).

I tend to side with the sentiments of FDR, who said, "The amygdala has nothing to process but fear itself."

Or something like that.

Hot 'n' Cold

2011-07-07T16:03:00.000-04:00

Title: Hot 'n' Cold
Artist: Montana Mouse and Alliecat
Composer: Katy Perry and Barsoom Tork Associates
YouTube: Hot 'n' Cold — Katy Perry and Elmo

You change your tune
Like Encyc hires a goon
Yeah, you lol and kvetch
I would know

And you nod and wink
Always speak elliptically
I should know
That you're upset with me

'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We laugh, we break up
We kvetch, we make up

You, you don't really wanna say, "No."
You, but you don't really wanna show, oh

'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down

We used to be just like twins, so engaged
The same energy now's a busted linkage
Used to laugh and then fret
Now you're wicked upset
I should know
That you're not so deranged

'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We diss, we wake up

You, you don't really wanna say, "No."
You, but you don't really wanna show, oh

You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up and you're down

Someone call the shrink
Got a case that's gone bipolar
Stuck on a rollercoaster
Can't get off this ride

You swap out cars
Like Kohs visits bars

'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We diss, we wake up

'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We laugh, we wake up
We diss, we make up

You, you don't really wanna say, "No."
You, but you don't really wanna show, oh

You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up and you're down, down, down, down...

CopyClef 2011 Katy Perry and Barsoom Tork Associates.
North American Bupkis. All wrongs reversed.

"At North American Bupkis, our annoying song parodies are your everlasting earworm."

Hot 'n' Cold — Katy Perry and Elmo

Banned in the Land of Sun

2011-07-05T06:45:00.000-04:00

Title: Banned in the Land of Sun
Artist: Moonbeam
Composer: Bruce Springsteen and Barsoom Tork Associates
YouTube: Born in the USA — Bruce Springsteen

Banned down in a burned out town
The first lick I took was when I jammed around
You end up in a fog that's been scammed too much
Until you spend half your life just covering up

Banned in the Land of Sun,
I was banned in the Land of Sun
I was banned in the Land of Sun,
Banned in the Land of Sun

Got in a little hometown jam
So I put a pencil in my hand
Went off to live in story land
To write about the evil man

Banned in the Land of Sun . . .

Came back home to the Bandolier
Mother said, "Dear, if it was up to me"
Went down to see my living clan
Brother said, "Sis, don't you understand"

I had a brother whom I loved 'til death
Now his spirit thrives in my Zephyr breath
I'm still here but what good is wealth?

I had a mother whom I loved before
I got a message, now my heart is sore

Down in the shadow of the A-Bomb test
Out by the fires of the smoke-filled West
I'm ten years burning down the road
Nowhere to run, ain't got nowhere to go

Banned in the Land of Sun,
I was banned in the Land of Sun
Banned in the Land of Sun,
I'm a long gone daughter in the Land of Sun
Banned in the Land of Sun,
Banned in the Land of Sun
Banned in the Land of Sun,
I'm a soft talking siser in the Land of Sun

CopyClef 2011, Bruce Springsteen and Barsoom Tork Associates.
North American Bupkis. All wrongs reversed.

"At North American Bupkis, our asinine song parodies are your everlasting earworm."

Born in the USA — Bruce Springsteen

The Declaration of Indigestion

2011-07-04T05:34:00.000-04:00

On this Independence Day, 2011, we reprise and update a classic item from this day in history, six years ago...

Montana Mouse reports:

Yesterday, John Forbes Nash, Douglas Hofstadter, Henry David Thoreau, Raymond Smullyan, Alison Cassidy, Gregory Kohs, Stephen Langton, Galileo Galilei, Moulton, Leonardo da Vinci, Gautama Siddhartha, Lao Tsu, and Socrates all met for Sunday Brunch at Shapiro's Deli.

After gorging themselves on Hot Pastrami and Dill Pickles for a marathon 13-hour food fest, they crafted and published this account of their conversations:

The Declaration of Indigestion
of the Thirteen Columnists

Incongruous, July 4, 2011

The Unanimous Declaration of the Thirteen United Avatars of Prevarica, Salut!

When in the multi-course food fights of humorous events, it becomes necessary for one clique to dissolve the political bands which have hot-linked them with another, and to assume among the powers of Teh Intarwebs, the separate and equal station to which the odd Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of the Yelpers requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the Salutation.

We hold these shibboleths to be self-evident, that all Hosts are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain Functional Protocols, that among these are Keep-Alive, Autonomy and the Pursuit of Constraint Satisfaction. —That to secure these protocols, Governing Dynamics are instituted among Hosts, deriving their Just Affordances from the content of the Regulatory Architecture, —That whenever any Form of Dysfunctionality becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Compulsion of the Debuggers to reprogram or to pitch it, and to institute new Governing Dynamics, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its protocols in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Robustness and Functionality. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governing Dynamics long established should not be changed for light and capricious causes; and accordingly all experience has shown, that Internet Hosts are more disposed to suffer, while Stack Overflows are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the annoying Recursions to which they are resigned and accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Nefarious Object evinces a design to reduce them under Dissolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, it is their obsession and compulsion to analyze such Governing Dynamics, and to provide new Zone Alarms for their future security. —Such has been the patient sufferance of these Columnists; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Governing Dynamics. The history of the present Rules of Engagement is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these Avatars. To prove this, let these Facts and Declarations be submitted to a candid and oblivious world.

We have infused our Assent to Functional Protocols, the most robust and necessary for the public good.

We have bidden the System Designers of our Regulatory Architecture to craft filters of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till Validation should be obtained; and when so suspended, we solemnly pledge to attend to them until we finally get the damn things working right.

We have agreed to invent other Protocols for the accommodation of large forums of people, unless those people would prefer the Right of Obliviousness of the System Architecture, a right inestimable to them and formidable to the Learning Disabled only.

We have called together Protocol Design Teams at places diverse, convenient, and distant from the Wayback Archives of the public Search Engines, for the sole purpose of intriguing them into reliance upon our ingenuity.

We have dissolved Unrepresentative Precipitates repeatedly, for opposing with erratic capriciousness the solubility of our evasions on the rights of the people.

We have refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to suffer others to be capriciously deselected; whereby the System Architecture, incapable of Annihilation, has returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State of the System remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of evasion from without, and nefarious convulsions from within. Or not.

We have endeavoured to prevent the depopulation of these System States; for that purpose clearing away obstacles for the Naturalization of Strangers and Aliens; refusing to diss others who encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Ghettolands and Obscure Shtetls.

We have deconstructed the Mal-Administration of Justice, by recusing ourselves from Assent to Designated Trolls for corrupting Judiciary powers.

We have made System Monitors independent of our druthers alone, for the tenure of their periodic log files, and the amount of payback for their labors.

We have erected a multitude of New Web Sites, and sent hither swarms of Embedded Plug-Ins, Animations, and Annoying Music to edutain our people, and to max out their available bandwidth.

Oops, mebbe that wasn't such a cool move on our part.

Are there any dill pickles left?

I'll have another cuppa cawfee.

CopySchlepp July 4, 2005, July 4, 2008, and July 4, 2011 by the Maundering MuseNet Players. All Wrongs Reversed.

Alone Together

2011-06-17T06:47:00.000-04:00

Title: The Sound Of Nonsense
Artist: Barsoom Tork
Composer: Paul Simon, Art Garfunkel, and Barsoom Tork Associates
MP3Tube: The Sounds of Silence — Simon and Garfunkel

Hello darkness, my old friend,
I've come to truck with you again,
Because a mission softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And sedition that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the rounds of nonsense.

In restless dreams I picked a bone
Narrow thoughts down paths alone,
'Neath the shadow of a candid note,
I turned my dolor to the vague inchoate
When my eyes were stunned by the flash of a fleeting Tweet
That snapped the beat
And touched the bounds of nonsense.

And in the naked night I saw
Ten thousand comments, maybe more.
People typing without speaking,
People reading without listening,
People righting wrongs that choices never dared
But no one cared
Disturb the rounds of nonsense.

"Fools" said I, "You do not know
Nonsense like a cancer grows.
Hear my blurbs that I might teach you,
Click my links that I might reach you."
But my blogs like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed
In the wells of nonsense.

And the people snerked and japed
On the Facebook walls they scraped.
And Sherry flashed out her grave warning,
In the words that she was still forming.
And Sherry said, "The words of the prophets
Are written on the Facebook walls
And Twitter calls.
And whisper'd in the sounds of nonsense."

CopyClef 2011 Paul Simon, Art Garfunkel, and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware. All songs reused.

"At Resurrection Hackware, our annoying song parodies are your everlasting earworm."

The Sounds of Silence — Simon and Garfunkel

All Your Goons Are Belong To Us

2011-06-09T09:02:00.000-04:00

All Your Goons Are Belong To Us

Synopsis: Cheka blocks Moulton on Encyc.Org for Bearing Accurate Witness

Alison: Now then, Auggie, you know how we've always talked about the possibility of something going wrong with the Block.

Auggie: Eh?

Alison: The Block, Auggie. The Indefinite Block! Well now, what happened is, one of our goons, he had a sort of, well, he went a little Cluster B in the Dramafest.

Auggie: What?

Alison: Well, I'll tell you what he did. He went and did a loony thing. He blocked Moulton for Bearing Accurate Witness.

Auggie: What? Did Moulton leave? Are you telling me he hasn't left?

Alison: Uh, well, let me finish, Auggie. Let me finish.

Auggie: Moulton is going to post this on his blog and on Facebook, isn't he?

Alison: Well listen, Auggie, how do you think I feel about it?! Can you imagine how I feel about it, Auggie? Eh?

Schadenfreude Theatre of the Absurd

2011-04-29T11:57:00.000-04:00

Here, from Alisence and Barsoom Tork Associates ...

Gastrin Bombesin, your host of Schadenfreude Theatre, introduces today's episode of Lunatic Drama, sponsored by Cluster B...

Schadenfreude Theatre

With Gastrin Bombesin

Lunatic Drama

Block Party with Sweet Badass John and Jumbo Whale

Mockin' the Dog

2011-04-28T11:07:00.000-04:00

Title: Mockin' the Dog
Artist: Alisence
Composer: Rufus Thomas and Barsoom Tork Associates
Instrumental: Walkin' the Dog — The Who

Dar Kama dressed in black
Cupid's arrows shot through a crack
Slung low, embattled foe
Barsoom mocked the Poodle — what a horror show

Mockin' the dog, I'm just a-mocking that dog
Well if you don't know how to do it
I'll show you how to mock the dog

Ask Dar Kama for common sense
Colbert's elephant jumped the fence
It jumped so high it rattled the sky
Didn't come back 'til the Fourth of July

Mockin' the dog, I'm just a-mocking that dog
Well if you don't know how to do it
I'll show you how to mock the dog

Abd Lomax, quite contrary
How does your steampunk flow
Hell's Bells
Fusion Cells an' little itsy bitsy bubble noise trails,
Wallucinations all in a row
Mockin' your fog

I'm just a-mocking your dog
Well if you don't know how to do it
I'll show you how to mock the dog
Well if you don't know how to screw it
I'll show you how to mock the dog
Well if you don't know how to foo it
I'll show you how to mock the, dog

CopyClef 2011 Rufus Thomas and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware. All songs abused.

"At Resurrection Hackware, Lunatic Drama is our most important offense."

Dr. Rangeblock

2011-04-27T11:36:00.000-04:00

Here, from Barsoom Tork Associates, is a new cartoon parody, Dr. Rangeblock -or- How I Learned to Stop Lamenting and Love the Lunatic Psychodrama ...

Dr. Rangeblock

-or-

How I Learned to Stop Lamenting and Love the Lunatic Drama

Ottavion Abdomovich Darkolnikov: Now then, Fyodor, you know how we've always talked about the possibility of something going wrong with the PoV.

Fyodor Moultonevsky: Eh?

Darkolnikov: The PoV, Fyodor ...

Moultonevsky: What?!?

Darkolnikov: The Neutral PoV!

Moultonevsky: Oy!

Darkolnikov: Well now, what happened is ... ah ... one of our Wikiversity editors ... he had a sort of ... well, he went a little shpilkes in the gennecktegessoink ... you know ... just a little ... verklempt. And, uh ... he went and did a loony thing. ...

Moultonevsky: ???

Darkolnikov: Well, I'll tell you what he did. He wrote a cartoon parody ... to mock your cultural model...

Moultonevsky: What?!?

Darkolnikov: Uh, well, let me finish, Fyodor. ...

Moultonevsky: ???

Darkolnikov: Let me finish ...

Moultonevsky: !?!

Darkolnikov: Well listen, how do you think I feel about it?! ...Can you imagine how I feel about it, Fyodor? Eh?

Bombesin Man

2011-04-26T17:37:00.000-04:00

Title: Bombesin Man
Artist: Alliecat
Composer: Phoebe Snow and Albatross
YouTube: Poetry Man — Phoebe Snow

Eeeoow, ya, ya, ya, ya
Eeooow, ya
You make me cringe
'Cause your messages are a fright
They drill right through me, la, la, la
You brash troll goy
You sent another tweet
Don't send it to me, no, not to me, no
No no

Ooh, oh, bug off, now I'm sore
You don't have a show
You're the Bombesin Man
You make my goosebumps tight, ya, ya

Eeeoow, ya, ya, ya, ya
Eeeoow, ya
You are a freakie
And all I ask for is a trial
Each time I read your mail, la, la, la
When I Yelp "Mo' Pho"
I have a yummy tummy rush
This parody's an epic fail, la, la

Sing to me no more
You're not Phoebe Snow
You're the Bombesin Man
You make my goosebumps tight, ya, ya

Eeeooow, ya, ya, ya
Eeeooow, ya

Sing to me no more
You're not Phoebe Snow
You're the Bombesin Man
You make my goosebumps tight
Eeeooow, ya, ya, ya, ya
Eeeooow, ya

So once again
It's time to say, "No song."
And one less holy rant and rave, la, la, la
You're going wrong now
Pho Nam's that place somewhere I go each day
That's what I crave, ya, ya, ya
That's what I crave
Wooo, oooh

Sing to me no more
You're not Phoebe Snow
You're the Bombesin Man
You make my goosebumps tight
Wooo, oooh

Sing to me no more
You're not Phoebe Snow
You're the Bombesin Man
You make my goosebumps tight

CopyClef 2011 Phoebe Snow and Albatross.
North American Bupkis. All wrongs reversed.

"At North American Bupkis, we scare the bejesus out of you."

Poetry Man — Phoebe Snow

Don't Tread On Me

2011-04-25T17:35:00.000-04:00

A propos of absolutely nothing, here are some photographs of a venomous snake, Echis Coloratus, also known as the Israeli Saw-Scaled Viper, Burton's Carpet, or Painted Carpet.

This deadly snake is most likely the one described as the "Fiery Flying Serpent" in biblical accounts (e.g. Numbers 21). The Caduceus symbol of the medical profession might also be grounded in that same story.

This snake can lunge through the air at high speed. It's venomous bite leaves a fiery burning sensation, and death occurs from slow internal bleeding.

But there is another mystery here. The same story (Numbers 21) says that the cure was to gaze upon a bronze cast of the snake, mounted on a staff. How could that save you?

Keep in mind that the venom in the bite contained a powerful anti-coagulant, so that the panicked victim bled to death. The panic, of course, was mediated by the operation of the Amygdala and Hippocampus — the brain's fear processor — which released heart-pumping Adrenalin which hastened the bleeding. By gazing upon a bronze replica of the snake, the person 'faced their fear' and that helped arrest the panic attack. With the adrenalin surge attenuated, the victim was less likely to bleed to death from a racing heart.

The name of this snake suggests it may also be the inspiration for the storybook notion of the Arabian Flying Carpet.

The notion, suggested in Numbers 21, of conquering one's fears by contemplating a harmless model or a replica of them is found today in our unending fascination with games, simulations, plays, and other artistic recreations of dreadful situations.

We do not make idols of our gods, but of our demons. By reckoning the idol of a demon, we lose our dread of it.

And the goofy demon thereby loses its grip on us.

Real Slow Drag

2011-04-25T04:26:00.000-04:00

Title: Real Slow Drag
Artist: Gastrin Bombesin and the Ghastly Chorale
Composer: Scott Joplin and Montana Mouse
Opera: Treemonisha
YouTube: Real Slow Drag — Tay Zonday

Ignore your stalker, he's a drag... drag... drag...
Such an old slacker, such a drag. Why won't he stop?
Look at your fright and feel the drag... drag... drag...
Veer to the left, to the left, that's the way.

Lurching onward, lurching onward,
Lurching to that lonely tune;
Slouching onward, slouching onward,
Dreary as a jerk in jail.
Sliding onward, sliding onward,
Listen to this rag.
Dread... and retreat... and do that slow-o-o,
Do that Slow Drag.

Rants holy, glance slowly,
While you hear that solemn rag.
Rant slowly, glance slowly,
Now you fight the real slow drag.
Walk slowly, talk lowly,
Listen to that rag, listen to that rag.
Stop... and retreat... and do that slow-o-o,
Do that Slow Drag.

Move along, don't stop,
Don't stop ranting, drag along. Stop!
Move along, don't stop,
Don't stop ranting, drag along,
Doing the Real Slow Drag.

Lurching onward, lurching onward,
Lurching to that lonely tune;
Slouching onward, slouching onward,
Dreary as a jerk in jail.
Sliding onward, sliding onward,
Listen to this rag.
Dread... and retreat... and do that slow-o-o,
Do that Slow Drag.

Rants holy, glance slowly,
While you hear that dreary rag.
Rant slowly, pant slowly,
Now you fight the real slow drag.
Walk slowly, talk lowly,
Listen to that rag, listen to that rag.
Stop... and retreat... and do that slow-o-o,
Do that Slow Drag.
Slow - o - o - o.

CopyClef 2011 Scott Joplin and Montana Mouse.
North American Bupkis. All wrongs reversed.

"At North American Bupkis, we haven't got time for mopery."

Real Slow Drag — Tay Zonday

From Treemonisha by Scott Joplin

WVBD Jingle

2011-04-24T14:41:00.001-04:00

Here are two versions of an animation about creating a jingle for WVBD.

Truth in Advertising

“

Every Sunday, mourning, over WVBD ...B&D s’fargenigen.
B&D s’men ken a bootkick krigen.
A schnook, a Kort, a drama queen.
Brengt areyn dayn klenem zing.

”

[Source: Red Buttons via The Barton Brothers' Borscht Belt comedy schtick "Joe and Paul" with Klezmer music accompaniment by Sholom Secunda, courtesy of the NPR Yiddish Radio Project.]

Now listen to the original comedy material, with the original Klezmer music, as recorded in the 1940s on Apollo Records...

Joe & Paul — The Barton Brothers

Original Parody of Yiddish Radio

We Will Mock You

2011-04-24T06:05:00.000-04:00

Title: We Will Mock You
Artist: Sock ID Salmon Chorus
Composer: Brian May and Barsoom Tork Associates
YouTube: We Will Rock You — Queen

Killer Poodle you’re a Bitch
With a Cluster/B/Arf
Playin’ Lunatic Drama
Gonna be a Death Eater some day

You got blood on your paws
You dig outlaws
Wavin' banhammers all over the place

We will we will mock you
We will we will sock too

Centaur you’re a tough nut, hard slut
Fightin’ in the Wiki
Gonna take down Moulton, you say

You got grudge on your face
You big disgrace
Wavin’ banhammers all over the place

We will we will block you
We will we will sock too

Jimbo you’re a big fish (you wish!)
Pleadin’ with your guys
Gonna make you a cartoon today

You got Moulton in your face
You big disgrace
Emopera's gonna put you back in your place

We will we will mock you
We will we will sock too

We will we will block you
We will we will sock too

We will we will rock you
We will we will sock too

CopyClef 2011 Brian May and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware. All wrongs reversed.

At Resurrection Hackware, we solemnly swear we are up to no good.

We Will Rock You — Queen

Planet Ayedee

2011-04-19T09:53:00.000-04:00

An animation by Alisence ...

Title: Planet Ayedee
Series: Lunatic Drama: The Epic Misadventures of Barsoom Tork
Author: Alisence
Episode: Four

Episode 4: Planet Ayedee

Barsoom Tork: This is the Planet Ayedee, home of the Cabal. I'll beam down and try to find Tramp/B/.

[Beams down.]

Barsoom Tork: The smell of Anonymity is in the air. This must be the lair of the IDCabal.

WassaMattaHugh: Barsoom, I'm detecting life forms below your level. There might be a way down, but I could not risk a direct beaming.

Barsoom: The path is clear. I'm going in.

[Enters the Lair and finds multiple replicons of Tramp/B/.]

Barsoom: Tramp/B/, just how many of you are there in this Cabalistic Den of Lunatic Drama?

Tramp/B/: Just one. These are Tramp/C/, Tramp/D/, and Tramp/E/. They will replace me when I am caught violating the BLP Policy.

[Cheka arrives in response to Intruder Alert Signal.]

Tramp/B/: Take this Troll away. Block! Ban! Salt! Watch out for his tricks.

[Barsoom pinches Cheka's cojones.]

Cheka: Yeow!

Barsoom: That was a Martian Nerve Pinch. I think Tramp/B/ could use one, also.

[In a stunning maneuver, Tramp/B/ fires her phasors at Barsoom.]

Tramp/B/: You don't have to pummel him. He's unconscious.

[Scene shifts to Spammish Inquisition.]

Inquisitor: OK, Tork, you know why you are here.

Barsoom: The IDCabal has been adding false claims to Biographies of Living People.

Inquisitor: Hah hah hah hah. No. You are here to confess your WikiCrimes. First, I want you to say, "I am a Troll."

Barsoom: I don't even know who you are.

Inquisitor: I am Judge, Jury, Executioner. Now say, "I am a Troll."

Barsoom: Judge, you are a Troll.

[Cheka pummels Barsoom.]

Inquisitor: So, you want to do this the hard way, eh Tork?

Barsoom: I want to study why Wikipedia allows Sysops with Cluster B Personality Disorders to help the ID Cabal add false claims to Biographies.

[Inquisitor opens a Cluster B Candy Bar.]

Inquisitor: Yummy! Barsoom, it is time for you to try Cluster B.

Barsoom: High-sugar Cluster B and high-Dopamine Anonymity are a Toxic Combination that fuels Lunatic Drama.

Cheka: Try Cluster B, Barsoom. It is yummy.

Barsoom: The stench of Cluster B is making me nauseous.

[Beams away in the nick of time.]

Barsoom: Thanks for getting me out of there. I now know the secrets of the IDCabal.

WassaMattaHugh: Cluster B and Anonymity at a Wiki is deadly!

More animations from Alisence

Trout of Doubt

2011-04-19T09:30:00.000-04:00

An animation by Alisence ...

Title: Trout of Doubt
Series: Lunatic Drama: The Epic Misadventures of Barsoom Tork
Author: Alisence
Episode: Three

Episode 3: Trout of Doubt

Barsoom Tork: How can I use this portal to travel back to Earth?

[WassaMattaHugh arrives.]

Barsoom: If it was you who saved me, I give you thanks. I am Barsoom Tork from Mars.

WassaMattaHugh: I am WassaMattaHugh. The IDCab Aliens have been using this portal to alter Earth's history.

Barsoom: I must return to Earth and confound the IDCabalists.

WassaMattaHugh: I'll send you to Wikiversity. You must study the ID Cabal. Be careful. The Salmon are running.

[Barsoom beams to Wikiversity.]

Barsoom: I'll start a Wikiversity Learning Project to study the ID Cabal. Is there any way to overcome dysfunctional Wiki processes that were developed at Wikipedia by the ID Cabal?

[Scene shifts to the Colloquium Bar and Grill.]

Barsoom: Well, WassaMattaHugh, Lunatic Drama followed us to Wikiversity. Salmon disrupted our Learning Project. Jimbo blocked me, but I will return to editing.

WassaMattaHugh: How will you resurrect yourself, Barsoom? Do tell?

Trout of Doubt: By eating Salmon on Fridays? Yummy!

Barsoom: No. Trout of Doubt, I have but 263,682 lives to give to my Opera; 141 atrocious song parodies. Make that 142.

[Killer Poodle arrives.]

Killer Poodle: /B/Arf! /B/Arf! [Translation: I smell something. Moulton! Vexagonistic Vandal.]

WassaMattaHugh: Now Killer Poodle has followed you to Wikiversity. Oh joy.

Killer Poodle: I voted to ban Moulton. You smell like Moulton

Barsoom: You know, Killer Poodle, I play many roles in this Emopera. Do you want a new role? Come along.

[Scene shifts to Barsoom's ship.]

Barsoom: I'll use some of your Killer Poodle Energy to power my new space ship. Yippee!

Next Episode: Planet Ayedee

Drinking the Anonymity Kool-Aid

2011-04-19T09:17:00.000-04:00

An animation by Alisence ...

Title: Drinking the Anonymity Kool-Aid
Series: Lunatic Drama: The Epic Misadventures of Barsoom Tork
Author: Alisence
Episode: Two

Episode 2: Drinking the Anonymity Kool Aid

Felonious Lunk: Oh! Look! A new Wiki flavor — Anonymity.

[Drinks.]

Felonious Lunk: Yeow! What yummy Anonymity! Now I feel like I can do anything with Anonymity. I can make a Wiki user account, and then I can edit from work, even though that violates the terms of my employment. Who will know? Ha hah!

Felonious Lunk: That Vexagonistic Moulton is now editing at Wikiversity. I will make a new puppet account and harass Moulton at Wikiversity.

[Morphs into a new identitiy.]

Centaur of Attention: Anonymity at Wikiversity! Yippee!

Centaur of Attention: Great. Another puppet account, Salmon of Doubt, is also harassing Moulton. He'll get Moulton banned from Wikiversity in no time.

[Scene shifts to the Human Resources Department at Tracy's Department Store.]

Supervisor: It came to my attention that you have been using your work computer to engage in online harassment.

Felonious Lunk: Please. All I did was publish false claims about people while you payed me. I only harassed vexagonistic trolls like Moulton.

Next Episode: Trout of Doubt

Blography of a Killer Poodle

2011-04-14T23:56:00.000-04:00

An animation by Alisence ...

Title: Biography of Killer Poodle
Series: Lunatic Drama: The Epic Misadventures of Barsoom Tork
Author: Alisence
Episode: One

Episode 1: Biography of Killer Poodle

Narrator: We go back in time to witness a violation of Wikipedia's policiy on Biography of Killer Poodle. Come with me to the past.

Narrator: An alien invader, code-name "Tramp/B/," arrives on Earth to edit Wikipedia, setting in motion years of lunatic drama.

Tempb: My BogoEditor will insert false claims into the biography of Dr. Affectiva, derailing her career and preventing MIT from developing the Q Sensor.

Narrator: Meanwhile, an Anthropologist from Mars is studying Wikipedia from the safety of his cloaked spaceship.

Caprice: Barsoom, the IDCab invaders are adding false claims to Wikipedia.

Barsoom Tork: I'll fix the biography of Dr. Affectiva. Tramp/B/ is obviously an IDCab invader, trying to alter the history of MIT.

Killer Poodle: /B/arf! /B/arf!

Barsoom Tork: Wow, my "Moulton" account at Wikipedia was subjected to a bad /B/arf by a vexagonistic sysop called "Killer Poodle."

Barsoom Tork: Fascinating. This Killer Poodle is working with the IDCab invaders. Killer Poodle is imposing /B/arfs on honest editors who remove the false claims added to biographies by the IDCab.

Killer Poodle: /B/arf! /B/arf!

Barsoom Tork: We are under attack. Shields up.

[Alarums and explosions.]

Barsoom Tork: My ship was destroyed by an IDCab attack. Someone transported me to safety, but where am I now?

Next Episode: Drinking the Anonymity Kool-Aid

An Opera Gonna Come

2011-04-14T08:40:00.000-04:00

Title: An Opera Gonna Come
Artist: Moulton
Composer: Sam Cooke and Barsoom Tork Associates
YouTube: A Change Is Gonna Come — Sam Cooke

I was booted by IDCab in a little spat
Oh, and just like Caprice
I been an outcast ever since

It's been a long
A long time coming but I know a drama gon' come
Oh, yes it will

It's been too hard socking but I'm afraid to say
'Cause I don't know what's out there beyond this fray

It's been a long
A long time coming but I know a range-block gon' come
Oh, yes it will

I go to Facebook and I GoAnimate
Somebody keep telling me, "Embrace your fate"
It's been a long
A long time coming but I know an opera gon' come
Oh, yes it will

Then I go to that Martian and I say, "Barsoom help me please"
But he winds up mocking me with song parodies

Oh, there've been times that I thought
I couldn't last so long
Now I think I'm able to sing this song
It's been a long
A long time coming but I know
Azazel gon' come
Oh, yes he will

CopyClef 2011 Sam Cooke and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware. All wrongs reversed.

"At Resurrection Hackware, we solmenly swear we are up to no good."

A Change Is Gonna Come — Sam Cooke

The Operas We Are a-Stagin'

2011-04-12T10:49:00.000-04:00

With apologies to Bob Dylan…

Come gather ’round people wherever you roam
And admit that the Kool Aid around you has phoamed
And accept it that soon you’ll be wrenched like a clone
If your name to you is worth savin’
Then you better start swimmin’ or you’ll sink like Capone
For the operas we are a-stagin’.

Come Stewards, Custodians, please heed the call
Don’t shut down my gateway, don’t range-block them all
For he that gets hurt will be he who was called
There’s a battle around and it is ragin’
It’ll soon shake your kishkes and inflame your gall
For the operas we are a-stagin’.

I've Got a Theory

2011-04-11T16:49:00.000-04:00

Title: I've Got a Theory
Artist: Barsoom Tork Associates
Composer: Joss Whedon and Barsoom Tork Associates
YouTube: I've Got a Theory — Buffy and the Scooby Gang

(The Kohser)

I've got a theory, it's Peter Damian,
A logic demon... no, something isn't right there.

(Somey)

I've got a theory, Jimbo is dreamin'
And you're all stuck inside his Wikipedia nightmare.

(Barsoom Tork)

I've got a theory we should work this ou - t

(All but Caprice)

It's getting eerie, what's this cheery singing all about?

(Moulton)

It could be bitches, Death Eater Bitches...
Which is ridiculous 'cause bitches they weren't Cluster B
Playful mood and love to romp and puppy power
And I'll be without fear.

(Jonny Cache)

I've got a theory, it could be dummies...

all pause

[crickets chirp, Kato burps]

(Montana Mouse)

I've got a theor -

(Jonny Cache)

Dummies aren't just cute like everybody supposes,
They've got them banhammers and tin badge snotty noses.
And what's with all the Kool Aid?
What do they need such Dopamine thrills for anywa - y?
Dummies, dummies it must be dummies!

- pause -

...or maybe sycophants...

(Kelly Martin)

I've got a theory you should solve this quick.

(Kelly Martin & The Kohser)

Because it could be a serious bizness being sick.

(Caprice)

I've got a theory — it doesn't matte - r.
What can't we face if we're together?
What's in this farce that we can't weather?
Apocalypse? Is that a scare?
The same old trips. Why should we care?

(All)

What can't we do in a Comic Opera?
We'll work it through though it's a flop - era.
We have to try. We'll sing it twice.
Let's roll the dice.

(Caprice)

Hey, I've rolled twice!
What can't we face if we're together?

(The Kohser)

What can't we face?

(All)

What's in this farce that we can't weather?

(The Kohser)

If we're together.

(All)

There's nothing we can't fa - ce.

(Pause)

(Jonny Cache)

Except for dummies.

CopyClef 2011 Joss Whedon and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware. All wrongs reversed.

"At Resurrection Hackware, our revolting song parodies are unforgivably atrocious."

I've Got a Theory — Buffy & the Scooby Gang

Vandalism Alert in the Dark Bunker

2011-04-11T12:49:00.000-04:00

A cartoon animation by Alisence...

Vandalism Alert in the Dark Bunker

Spider Hands: Jimbo is on the Colbert Report again. I expect more Lunatic Psychodrama. I better alert the WikiCops, for Openness!!!

Killer Poodle: Colbert! I'll never forget that elephant stunt. Vexagonistic vandalism alert!!!

Spider Hands: (on cell phone) Darth Drekko, this is a cult of personality alert! Turn on Comedy Central. Help!!!

Darth Drekko: Oh, no! Colbert has a bigger cult than Jimbo. Vandalism alert!!! Protect all pages!!! Lock down the Wiki!!! Ah!

Spider Hands: Colbert made "vexagonistic" the word of the day. Now thousands of people are adding "vexagonistic" to Wikipedia. ... Ah, Darth Drekko, globally blocked Moulton! He started this "vexagonistic" meme. Drat!

Darth Drekko: I will globally block Moulton and I will block anyone who uses the word "vexagonistic!" Double drat!

Spider Hands: Oh, I love it when Stewards strut around waving their Big Toy Banhammer. Oh yeah, oh yeah!

Darth Drekko: Hey! Jimbo already had Moulton's account globally blocked! Triple drat!

Killer Poodle: How many bad blocks does it take to silence Moulton?!? Vexagonistic Drama! Woof!

Closing Credits

Killer Poodle: Block Moulton as a disruptive PoV OR Warrior with no interest in writing an encyclopedia. No. Make that a ban.

Announcer: Find out why Wikimedia Foundation needs a Privacy Policy. That is, if you have the stomach for sickening stories. Yo!

Next Animation Segment: Wikiality: Privacy Policy

Cherubino's Aria

2011-04-10T19:01:00.000-04:00

In Mozart’s Le Nozze di Figaro (The Marriage of Figaro), Cherubino is a wound-up little boy who laments the fires of love that burn inside his young, adolescent, lovesick heart.

Here is Cherubino's lament, as you have never heard it before.

Cherubino's Aria — Adya & Geisha

Non so più cosa son, cosa faccio...
Or di fuoco, ora sono di ghiaccio...
Ogni donna cangiar di colore,
Ogni donna mi fa palpitar.

I don't know any more what I am, what I'm doing...
First I'm on fire, then I'm iced...
Pretty women make me blush,
Hot chicks make my heart throb.

The HOLE Story

2011-04-09T09:03:00.001-04:00

"Condemnation without investigation is the height of ignorance." —Albert Einstein.

The Four Keystone Kops of the Apocalypse are seen here chasing the bullet-ridden Fearless Fosdisk, the intrepid detective of a bygone comic book era.

Fearless Fosdick, with legendary epic failure, is thwarted at every turn, as he struggles in vain to tell The HOLE Story.

The HOLE Story is the story about this or that HOLE in our culture — a gap (or lacuna) that blocks progress in the Advance of Science and Civilization.

There is one HOLE in particular that is especially insidious. It's the one I call Humankind's Original Logic Error.

It's should come as no surprise that humans have a poor track record when it comes to mathematical reasoning and precision thinking. Even the best minds of mathematics have struggled to discover and correctly prove Mathematical Theorems (and to convincingly disprove False Conjectures).

There are a number of interesting mathematical notions that appear in the history of humankind's attempt to sort fact from fiction. Many of them have origins in Theology — a branch of study that predates the age of Scientific Theory and Mathematical Theorem.

"Theory" comes from the Greek, theoria, meaning, "I behold."

So what was the First HOLE — Humankind's Original Logic Error?

Augustine of Hippo called it by a different name. He called it Original Sin (from the Latin, sin, meaning a mistake, or "missing the mark."). If you blithely and foolishly adopt this classic misconception, suggests Augustine, you must have a HOLE in your head.

But what, precisely, (and in modern mathematical language) was the actual error here?

Taboo or Not Taboo? That Is the Question.

In Genesis, the mistake was referred to metaphorically, as "eating the Fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil." The warning (in Genesis 2:17) was that it's a deadly mistake to partake of the "Fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil."

The mistake arises because of mankind's predilection to dichotomize notions like Good and Evil into two binary categories (like Right and Wrong, OK and Not OK, Lawful and Unlawful). Such binary categories require Judgment as to which side of some presumptive bright line to classify some situation or event.

Dividing things into two binary categories is a tragic mathematical blunder, because there is a continuum between Saintly Good and Demonic Evil. Whenever there is a continuum, there needs to be a smooth and graceful continuous response, rather than a sudden switch from acceptance to rejection, or from tolerance to intolerance.

And so it's a subtle math error, to impose a binary function over the spectrum rather than to devise a graceful and continuous response function.

According to Simon Baron-Cohen (cousin of the comedian Sascha Baron Cohen), the function we are most in need of is the Empathy Function.

As to Humankind's Original Logic Error, I'll take "Or Else" for Twenty Quatloos, Alex.

Reference

Punishment and Violence: Is the Criminal Law Based on One Huge Mistake? by James Gilligan, Harvard University; published in the Journal of Social Research, Fall 2000.

________________________________________

Amazing Gradient

Midi: Amazing Grace

Amazing Gradient, such graceful curves,
That smoothed a wretched step.
It once was ragged but now it's smooth,
Was flat, but now, it glides.

T'was Gradients that taught...
My heart to soar.
And Gradients, my fears relieved.
How precious Gradients did appear...
The hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares...
We have already come.
T'was Gradients that brought us safe thus far...
And Gradients will lead us home.

The Lord has promised good to me...
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be...
As long as life endures.

When we've been here ten thousand years...
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise...
Than when we've first begun.

Amazing Gradients, such graceful curves,
That smoothed a wretched step....
It once was ragged but now it's smooth,
Was flat, but now, it glides.

CopyClef 2007 John Newton, Isaac Newton, and Barsoom Tork Associates.

No Mo' Pho to Morrow

2011-04-08T09:25:00.000-04:00

Title: No Mo' Pho to Morrow
Artist: Little Mo' Pho Allie
Music: Charles Strouse
Lyrics: Martin Charnin and Barsoom Tork Associates
Musical: Annie

No Pho will be served
To Morrow
Bet your bottom wipes
That to Morrow
There will be no Pho!

Just singin' about
You, Morrow
Tears away the cobwebs
And the sorrow
Now I crave Pho!

When I'm having a day
So geek and nerdly,
I just flick my finger
And sing here, this way...

Oh!

No Pho will be served
To Morrow
So ya gotta sing out
Screw Morrow!
(Some dismay.)

Screw Morrow! Screw Morrow!
No Mo' Pho to Morrow
Pho's always a Yelp away!

CopyClef 2011, Charles Strouse, Martin Charnin, and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware. All songs abused.

"At Resurrection Hackware, our atrocious song parodies are your existential nightmare."

Tomorrow — Maxime Beelen on Holland's Got Talent

I'm In a Daze

2011-04-06T17:34:00.000-04:00

Title: I'm In a Daze
Artist: BearAss
Composer: Music by Boris Fomin
Lyrics: Gene Raskin and Barsoom Tork Associates
YouTube: Those Were the Days — Mary Hopkin (1968)

Once upon a time there was a Wiki
Where we used to chase a troll or two
Remember how we laughed at all the lusers
And dreamed of all the jerkoffs we would screw

Those were the days my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd ban and block forever and a day
We'd live the life of gods
With our lopsided odds
For we were young and sure to have our way.

Lai lai lai lai dai dai...
I'm in a daze, oh yes I'm in a daze

Then the dreary years went rushing by us
We lost our trophy barnstars on the way
If by chance I'd see you in the Wiki
We'd smile at one another and we'd say

Those were the days my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd ban and block forever and a day
We'd live the life of gods
With our lopsided odds
Those were the days, oh yes those were the days

Lai lai lai lai dai dai...
I'm in a daze, oh yes I'm in a daze

Just tonight I logged into the Wiki
Nothing seemed the way it ought to be
In BearAss I saw a strange rejection
Was that lonely Steward really me?

Those were the days my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd ban and block forever and a day
We'd live the life of gods
With our lopsided odds
Those were the days, oh yes those were the days

Lai lai lai lai dai dai...
Lie, lie, lie, lie (die, die)
I'm in a daze, oh yes I'm in a daze

Through the roar there came familiar laughter
I saw Tork's post and heard him call my name
Oh my foe we're older but no wiser
For in our hearts the screams have killed the game

Those were the days my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd ban and block forever and a day
We'd live the life of gods
With our lopsided odds
Those were the days, oh yes those were the days

Lai lai lai lai dai dai...
I'm in a daze, oh yes I'm in a daze

CopyClef 2011 Boris Fomin, Gene Raskin, and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware. All songs abused.

"At Resurrection Hackware, our annoying song parodies are your everlasting earworm."

Those Were the Days — Mary Hopkin (1968)

Four-Channel Communication

2011-04-06T06:48:00.000-04:00

Here is an essay I wrote back in 1986 ...

On Four-Channel Communication

In spoken communication, it is well-known that there are two channels operating simultaneously — the semantic content of speech (the ordinary meaning of the words) and the emotional tone of voice which conveys such feelings as sincerity, sarcasm, anger, fear, humor, etc. Additional nonverbal channels are mediated through body language (facial expression, body position and motion, hand movements). Internal body language (pulsing of the heart, skin temperature and moisture, muscle tightness or trembling, knotting of the stomach, teeth clenching, migraine headaches) also convey emotional messages.

In four-channel communication, all four channels are employed to provide complete and instantaneous feedback. By looking directly at the other person's face, by holding their hand or arm, or by putting your arm around their shoulders, the visual and tactile channels are added to the two audio channels.

In particular, the tactile channel is most important, for it enables the speaker to tell if he or she is making the other person uncomfortable during a discussion. If the goal is to reach an agreement, the tactile feedback channel can sometimes be used to obtain instantaneous and continuous feedback on a word by word basis. A very sensitive person can easily tell if his or her words are upsetting to the other party by tying into the visual and tactile feedback channels.

(Incidentally, by holding hands, the fight/flight behaviors are also arrested.)

Hold hands when fighting with your lover.

Fr33kman vs. the Dread Barsoom

2011-04-05T11:35:00.000-04:00

Title: Fr33kman vs. the Dread Barsoom
Artists: Fr33KoolAide, Darth Drekko, and the Keystone Kops
Composer: Phil Gernhard, Dick Holler and Barsoom Tork Associates
YouTube: Snoopy vs. the Red Baron — The Royal Guardsmen

Achtung!
Jetzt singen wir gemeinsam die Geschichte
Über Fr33KoolAide, die Funkadoodle von Dysfunktionalität
Und die lästigen Barsoom Tork vom MIT

After the turn of the millenium
In the theatrical arch of the proscenium
Came a liminal drama never seen before
Like the silent scream of a lunatic war

Eins, zwei, drei, vier ....

Up came a scare like a runaway train
Barsoom Tork was his avatar name
Range-blocks tried and range-blocks fried
Now they're scattered all over the countryside

Ten, twenty, thirty, forty Keystone Kops
The meddlesome Tork was engaging their mops
Valiant Bureaucrats tried to end that spree
Of Barsoom Tork of MIT

Left, two, three, four ....

In the nick of time, a hero arose
A fr33ky lookin' d00d with a big fire hose
He raced into the scene to stop that runaway train
But Barsoom shot him down "Curses, foiled again!"

Ten, twenty, thirty, forty Keystone Kops
The meddlesome Tork was engaging their mops
Valiant Bureaucrats tried to end that spree
Of Barsoom Tork of MIT

Now, Fr33kman had sworn that he'd get that dork
So he asked the Great Steward for a trident fork
He challenged Firelion to a juicy food fight
And while Barsoom was laughing, blocked him late at night

That engineer quickly
Switch-tracked his trains
He tried every route,
But ran out of domains
Fr33kman blocked once
And then range-blocked twice more
And that meddlesome academic
Was again shown the door

Ten, twenty, thirty, forty Keystone Kops
The meddlesome Tork
Was engaging their mops
Valiant Bureaucrats tried to end that spree
Of Barsoom Tork of MIT

Well, ten, twenty, thirty, forty Keystone Kops
Were bound and determined to pull out the stops
Valiant Bureaucrats tried to end tha spree
Of that meddlesome academic from MIT

CopyClef 2011 Phil Gernhard, Dick Holler and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware. All wrongs reversed.

"At Resurrection Hackware, our atrocious song parodies are your existential nightmare."

Snoopy vs. the Red Baron — The Royal Guardsmen

Undo It

2011-04-04T15:45:00.000-04:00

Title: Undo It
Artist: JWSurfeit
Composer: Kara DioGuardi, Martin Frederiksen, Luke Laird, Carrie Underwood, and Barsoom Tork Associates
YouTube: Undo It — Carrie Underwood (with Steven Tyler of Aerosmith)

I should have known by the way you scrolled on by
There was something in your edits and it wasn't right
I should have mocked, but I fell into a trance
Things got out of hand when Moulton hurt your pride

Now I only have myself to blame
For falling for your stupid games
I wish my life could be
The way it was before I fell outta grace


	Train wreck at Montparnasse Station, at Place de Rennes, Paris, France, 1895.

You stole my happy, you made me sigh
Took the wrong way and took me for a ride
And I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it
You locked my talk page, now I want it back
I'm starting to see every train jump the track
Dark Junta, you blew it, you put me through it
I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it

Na, na, na-na, na
Na, na, na-na, na
Na, na, na-na, na, na

Now your cojones don't have a flickery flame
And I never say KC's name and I never will
And all your thoughts, well I threw them in the trash
And I'm not even mad

Now you only have yourself to blame
For playing all those stupid games
You're always gonna be the same
And, oh no, this site is strange

You stole my happy, you made me sigh
Took the wrong way and took me for a ride
And I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it
You locked my talk page, now I want it back
I'm starting to see every train jump the track
Boy you blew it, you put me through it
I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it

Na, na, na-na, na
Na, na, na-na, na
Na, na, na-na, na, na

You want a future, you can't have it
I'm still trying to erase you from my past
I need you blocked so fast

You stole my happy, you made me sigh
Took the wrong way and took me for a ride
And I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it

You locked my talk page, now I want it back
I'm starting to see every train jump the track
Johnny you blew it, you put me through it
I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it

You stole my happy, you made me sigh
Took the wrong way and took me for a ride
Dark Junta, you blew it, you put me through it
I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it

CopyClef 2011, Carrie Underwood and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware. All songs abused.

"At Resurrection Hackware, our atrocious song parodies are your existential nightmare."

Undo It — Carrie Underwood

Victory Play

2011-04-02T01:53:00.000-04:00

Title: Victory Play
Artist: Sarcastic Idealist and the Wikipedians
Composer: Tom Cochrane and Barsoom Tork Associates
YouTube: Victory Day — Tom Cochrane and Red Rider

We've got our reasons, we've got our pride
Though Stewards are beaten black and blue
One fine day you'll be booted outside
You'll turn to see why you're screwed
Won't draw no curtains, be hiding no way
With our Victory Play

You stuck it out and you hung in tough
You won't be running away
Sue says it will change, but each time it does
It starts up all over again
We want the thunder, the tongue-lashing raves
The thrill, the glory of victory parades
Sue says it just never happens that way
With our Victory Play

Victory Play, Victory Play
There's Admins glaring, there's kerfuffle today
If you talk against us, we'll get you some way
With our Victory Play

In the gloom, talk by the hour, in the gloom
We say strife isn't big, but it's kind of a thrall
Made of small moments, they're all strung together
If you don't look out, we might diss you all
Then it's just passed you by like too much bother
Who wants our thunder and tongue lashing raves
The thrill, the glory of victory parades
Because we'll give you more grief than you can take
With our Victory Play

Victory Play, Victory Play
There's Admins glaring, there's kerfuffle today
If you talk against us, we'll get you some way
With our Victory Play, with our Victory Play,

Now you've gotten too close and we won't let it fade
And the reasons will haunt you for the mistakes we all made
Sue says let it go, 'cause it's time for a change
But we're still little boys trapped between ages
Time to walk away from Jim
Sue said "I'll take you some place where I know it will change"

Victory Play, yeah, Victory Play
There's Admins glaring, there's kerfuffle today
If you talk against us, we'll get you some way
With our Victory Play

Victory Play, yeah, Victory Play
There's Admins glaring, there's kerfuffle today
If you talk against us, we'll get you some way
With our Victory Play, with our Victory Play
With our Victory Play

CopyClef 2011 Tom Cochrane and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware. All songs abused.

"At Resurrection Hackware, our annoying song parodies are your everlasting earworm."

Victory Day — Tom Cochrane and Red Rider

Wikiday

2011-04-01T15:49:00.000-04:00

Title: Wikiday
Artist: Rebecca Black and Montana Mouse
Composer: Rebecca Black and Barsoom Tork Associates
Video Overload: Rebecca Black's Friday

(Yeah, Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ark)
Oo-ooh-ooh, hoo yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Seven a.m., waking up in the morning
Gotta get dressed, gotta go upstairs
Gotta have my cuppa, gotta have cawfee
Seein' everything, the time is goin'
Tickin' on and on, everybody's rushin'
Gotta turn on the monitor
Gotta scan Facebook, I see my friends (My friends)

Kickin' in the browser
Sittin' in the swivel chair
Gotta make my mind up
Which IP can I waste?

It's Wikiday, Wikiday
Gotta get down on Wikiday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the Wikiplay (Wikiplay!)
Wikiday, Wikiday
Gettin' down on Wikiday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the Wikiplay

Partyin', partyin' (Yeah!)
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah!)
Phun, phun, phun (Pun!)
Lookin' forward to the Wikiplay

7:45, we're cruisin' on the blog space
Cussin' so fast, no time to sigh
Phun, phun, think about phun
You know what it is
I got dissed, you got pissed
Alison is always right (Oh Hai!)
I got dissed, you got pissed
Watch me blow it

Kickin' in the browser
Sittin' in the swivel chair
Gotta make my mind up
Which IP can I waste?

It's Wikiday, Wikiday
Gotta get down on Wikiday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the Wikiplay (Wikiplay!)
Wikiday, Wikiday
Gettin' down on Wikiday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the Wikiplay

Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Phun, phun, phun (Pun!)
Lookin' forward to the Wikiplay

Yesterday was Blog Day, Blog Day
Today i-is Wikiday, Wikiday (Partyin')
We-we-we so excited
We so excited
We gonna trash y'all today

Tomorrow is MoS Day
And Sunday comes afterwards
I don't want this parody to end

B-T, Barsoom Tork
So chillin' with the song sheet (With the song sheet)
In the bad seat (In the bad seat)
I'm singin', cruisin' (Yeah, yeah)
Fast games, switchin' panes
Wit' IRC up on my side (Woo!)
(C'mon) Passin' by is a fool just in front of me
Makes tick tock, tick tock, wanna scream
Check my time, it's Wikiday, it's a Wikiplay
We gonna have phun, c'mon, c'mon, y'all

It's Wikiday, Wikiday
Gotta get down on Wikiday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the Wikiplay (Wikiplay!)
Wikiday, Wikiday
Gettin' down on Wikiday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the Wikiplay

Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Phun, phun, phun (Pun!)
Lookin' forward to the Wikiplay

It's Wikiday, Wikiday
Gotta get down on Wikiday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the Wikiplay (Wikiplay!)
Wikiday, Wikiday
Gettin' down on Wikiday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the Wikiplay

Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Phun, phun, phun (Pun!)
Lookin' forward to the Wikiplay

CopyClef 2011, Rebecca Black and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware. All songs abused.

"At Resurrection Hackware, our annoying song parodies are your everlasting earworm."

Rebecca Black's Friday from Rebecca Black

Leader of the Pack

2011-03-18T04:21:00.000-04:00

Title: Leader of the Smack
Artist: Lisa Rand and Twisted Sister
Composer: George "Shadow" Morton and Barsoom Tork Associates
YouTube: Leader of the Pack — Twisted Sister
Album: Bug Out and Pray

Hey, is he really phreakin' out again?
There he goes, let's ask him
Hey man, is that your sting, with swearin'?
Uh, huh
Man, it must be great ridin' that train
Are you pickin' up jerks at Meta to play?
Uh uh
By the way where is Moulton?
I decked him on the Wiki floor
He turned around and yelled at me
You get the picture?
Yeah, I see
That's when I fell for

The leader of the smack

Good folks were always making me frown
They said he came from the wrong side of town
They told me that he was bad
But I knew he was sad
That's why I fell for

The leader of the smack

One day my Dad said find someone new
I had to tell him, "No more screw."
He stood there and asked me why
But all I could do was cry,
"I'm sorry I hurt you."

The leader of the smack

He was so enthralled
As I kissed him goodbye,
My tears were beginning to show
And as I drove away on that rainy night
He begged me to take it slow
If anyone cared, I'll never know
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

I felt so helpless what could I do?
Remembering all the crap he'd been through
All the Meta jerks stop and stare
I can't hide my tears but I don't care
They'll never respect him

The leader of the smack

Leader of the smack
And now I'm gone
Leader of the pack
And now I'm gone
Leader of the smack
And Moulton's gone
Leader of the pack
And Moulton's gone
Leader of the smack
And now I'm gone
Leader of the pack
And now I'm gone
Leader of the smack
And Moulton's gone
Leader of the pack
Sing Moulton's song
Leader of the smack
And now I'm gone
Leader of the pack
And Moulton's gone
Leader of the smack
Sing Moulton's song
Leader of the pack

CopyClef 2011 George "Shadow" Morton and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware. All wrongs reversed.

Leader of the Pack — Twisted Sister

Minority Report

2011-03-16T05:56:00.000-04:00

Jimmy Wong is my new hero.

He has a job with Barsoom Tork Associates.

Jimmy Wong sings a love letter to Alexandra Wallace

Post Script: Jimmy Wong is featured today (March 24th) on NPR's All Things Considered, in an interview with Melissa Block.

Slime and Punishment

2011-03-06T16:04:00.000-05:00

Ottavion Abdomovich Darkolnikov is a young ex-student of letters, law, and bloodlust living in extreme ennui in a dank basement in Darkansas. He lives in a tiny backwater where he rants, although due to a lack of fun has been avoiding learning for quite some time (he claims the gloom aggravates his repression). He acts like a grouch using old papers as a dildofap, and due to lack of motivation studies very rarely, although the neighbors sometimes send their sockpuppets into his quarters with food for thought. He is frequently referred to as a former student because he doesn't have the desire to finish his education. Spiritually, physically (due to lack of outdoor exercise) and emotionally distressed, his behaviour in public becomes progressively more erratic through the drama as madness gradually consumes him. Darkolnikov fluctuates between extremes of altruism and inexplicable antipathy. He is described by his acquaintances as "darkly pallid" and many other observers in the basement state that he is very intelligent, but tragically misguided.

In The Crime of the Ancient Mariner, Darkolnikov kiboshes an Albatross with a banhammer he keeps in the janitor's hall closet, with the intention of baleting its cries for good cause, based on a theory he had developed of the "bad actor" (often misunderstood as similar to the Übertroll of Kitsche [dubious – discuss]).

In one famous rant, Darkolnikov cries out, "Good Goat! Can it be, can it be, that I shall ritually take a toy banhammer, that I shall strike the Albatross on the block, split its skull asunder ... that I shall tread in the icky dark slum, break the peace, steal and tremble; hide, all spattered in the crud ... with the toy banhammer ... Good Goat, can it be?"

[Source: "The Scream of a Ridiculous Kid" by Fyodor Moultonevsky]

Abd's Silly Pyschodrama Descends Into Farce

2011-03-06T10:54:00.000-05:00

Moulton: Things have gotten uncharacteristically quiet of late. Perhaps people are taking some time off to think. Then again, I could just be engaging in a haphazard flight of fancy about that.

[Time passes.]

Moulton: Oh, that's interesting. A college drop-out who has spent his life engaged in Junk Science and Cargo-Cult Science just got blocked for impersonating a Nobel-Prize Winning Physicist who is one of the leading contributors to the Theory of Quantum Mechanics. Actually, it might have been amusing to see Abd have an imaginary conversation with his imaginary friend.

BlockHead: Moulton, maybe you and Abd should try a role reversal imaginary conversation.

Moulton: Actually, BlockHead, that is not far from what I had in mind in my Imaginary Dialogues (and other Silly Flights of Fancy) that I've penned as Atrocious Song Parodies. What I try to do in those exercises is to find a tiny parcel of common ground, a tiny glimpse of empathy for the other person's suffering. When you blocked him just now, I was saddened for both of you, because it was a baletocratic maneuver that, to my mind, went a skosh too far as a regulatory intervention. I would have done something a bit more democratic, to give Abd the opportunity of self-correction, rather than to assume he is incorrigible and in need of custodial restraints.

BlockHead: The psychodrama is rapidly descending into farce.

Moulton: Yes, psychodrama is a curious kind of farce, after you have witnessed it a few times. It took me decades before I could muster the fortitude to watch Edward Albee's famous psychodrama, Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, with Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor. And it was very uncomfortable to watch the first two times. But it's basically a farce, dressed up as a Scary Movie. Literally "Much Ado About Nothing," since "The Little Bugger" is an imaginary baby whom they made up out of whole cloth as a joint flight of fancy. They spend most of the play viciously blaming each other for the death of the imaginary baby they never really had.

BlockHead: What does "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf" have to do with Abd's silly psychodrama?

Moulton: Here, the imaginary baby is the Epiphany that never happened. False Labor, as SB Johnny called it, when he was midwifing the pregnant goat who, in fact, did not have a kid inside her belly waiting to be born. It was False Labor, he said. And by some Mysterious Symmetry, BlockHead, the long-awaited Epiphany that Caprice was hoping to midwife was False Labor, too.

BlockHead: How disappointing.

Moulton: No Epiphany arrived. And so I am disappointed.

The Wisdom of Realistic Thinking

2011-03-06T10:34:00.000-05:00

Acclaimed journalist, author and political activist Barbara Ehrenreich explores the darker side of positive thinking.

Barbara Ehrenreich — Smile or Die (RSA Animation)

Moulton and Abd Discuss Epistemological Methods

2011-03-06T04:45:00.000-05:00

Moulton: Abd, do you have a method for testing your beliefs for accuracy?

Abd: Yes. I express them and observe how they are understood and analyzed by others. I listen to the responses, and check them for accuracy.

Moulton: I see. And how, pray tell, do you check the accuracy of information gleaned in the responses?

Abd: I keep them in mind and later repeat them and observe how they are understood and analyzed by others. I listen to the responses, and check them for accuracy.

Moulton: I see. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Abd: It works for me.

Moulton: In the last four months, you have submitted mountains of such material to me on my blog, on my Wikiversity talk page, and elsewhere in dozens of talk page discussions. What have you learned in all that time?

Abd: I'm not sufficiently interested in being "educated" by you, Moulton. Too much wasted time, already.

Moulton: In that case, I expect it would be more efficient for both of us if you did not submit to me mountains of your material to be reviewed, analyzed, or critiqued.

Abd: I did not ask you to review any of that material.

Moulton: True enough. I reviewed it for you out of the goodness of my heart. Still, I can't help but wonder where you are coming from.

Abd: My position is one of trust that there is an ultimate reality, not that I know it, nor even that I could comprehensively know it.

Moulton: But I'm perplexed as to why you chose me to submit your mountains of material to, given that you're not particularly interested in learning anything in the process.

Abd: Because you do not have the qualifications or credentials or competence.

Moulton: Then you are welcome to remain ignorant.

Abd: That's my plan.

Moulton: That works for me.

Abd: Never mind.

How to Game the Real World

2011-02-28T03:35:00.000-05:00

Jane McGonigal is an exuberant game designer at the Institute for the Future in Palo Alto. She believes that time spent gaming in virtual worlds enables players to develop the skills they need to solve challenging problems in the real world. There is evidence to support that, but it's not clear how much rehearsal time it will take in game worlds before we are ready to successfully premier our problem-solving skills in the real world.

Never Be Clever

2011-02-13T07:29:00.000-05:00

Title: Never Be Clever
Artist: Moulton and JoshuaZ
Composers: Justin Bieber, Jaden Smith, Nasri, Adam Messinger, and Barsoom Tork Associates
YouTube: Never Say Never — Justin Bieber and Jaden Smith

See I never thought that I could cause such ire.
I never thought I could spark your learning.
I never had desire to light a fire,
Until I reached the point of no returning.

And there's just no turning back,
When your brain's under attack,
Gonna give everything I have,
It's our destiny.

I will never be clever! (Yeah, that's right)
I will fight till forever! (So full of spite)
Whenever you block me now,
I will edit anyhow.
Kick it up,
Kick it up,
Kick it up,
Kick it up up up,
And never be clever.

I never thought I could eat your power.
I never thought that I could set you free.
I'm soft enough to tend the weakest flower.
And I'm the last to run a socking spree.

And there's just no turning back,
When your brain's under attack,
Gonna give everything I have,
Cause this is our destiny.

I will never be clever! (Yeah, that's right)
I will fight till forever! (So full of spite)
Whenever you block me now,
I will edit anyhow.
Kick it up,
Kick it up,
Kick it up,
Kick it up up up,
And never be clever.

Here we go!
Guess who?
Moulton and JZ!
I gotcha Yale bro.

I can handle him.
Up all night.
I can paddle him.

Now he's wikkid you see,
Scared of my spree.
And he's younger than me,
And longs to be free.
With banhammers a little bit bonkers you see.
And now he's on a parody with me!

I be trying a chill
They be trying to side with the thrill.
No pun intended, was stopped by the power of Will.

Like Luke with the Force, when push comes to shove.
Like Cobe with the 4th, ice water with crud.

I came in dead last, and yes
We're the wryest.
Like David and Goliath,
I'm smitten with compliance.
So now I got your attention at last,
I was doomed from the start
So these songs now come fast.

I will never be clever! (Yeah, that's right)
I will fight till forever! (So full of spite)
Whenever you block me now,
I will edit anyhow.
Kick it up,
Kick it up,
Kick it up,
Kick it up up up,
And never be clever.

I will never be clever! (Yeah, that's right)
I will fight till forever! (So full of spite)
Whenever you block me now,
I will edit anyhow.
Kick it up,
Kick it up,
Kick it up,
Kick it up up up,
And never be clever.

CopyClef 2011 Justin Bieber, Jaden Smith, Nasri, Adam Messinger, and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware. All songs abused.

Never Say Never — Justin Bieber and Jaden Smith

Oy Vey! It's Rima!

2011-02-02T09:45:00.000-05:00

Title: Oy Vey! It's Rima!
Artist: SB Johnny
Composer: Franz Schubert, Amanda Ghost, Beyoncé Knowles, SB Johnny, and Barsoom Tork Associates
YouTube: Ave Maria — Beyoncé

He was crossed in so many different ways
Out in the darkness with no guide
I know the cost of a war torn land
I heard the voice of Mike cry, "Sigh."

I found Wikiversity
My project, my last, my first
And then I felt this fear inside
Oy Vey! It's Rima!

I've been alone when I'm surrounded by friends
How could this recall be so loud?
But I still survive because I love my goats
There's also Perry when the stove goes cold

Song is my leavening on earth
Song slakes my hunger and my thirst
And then I feel this dread inside
Sighing, "Oy Vey! It's Rima!"

Sometimes strife can come and pass you by
While you're busy trimming plants
Suddenly it hits you and then you realize
It's out of your hands, Barry you got to understand

Song is my leavening on earth
My dithyramb comes first
And then I sense this dread inside
Oy Vey! It's Rima!
Oy Vey! It's Rima!
Oy Vey! It's Rima!

CopyClef 2011 Franz Schubert, Amanda Ghost, Beyoncé Knowles, SB Johnny, and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware. All songs abused.

Ave Maria — Beyoncé

The Electric Grandmother

2011-01-31T21:53:00.000-05:00

Here is a grandmother who most definitely does not suck eggs. But she can teach you a thing or two about how to go fly a kite.

The Electric Grandmother — Ray Bradbury

(Be sure to watch all 5 segments. When a segment ends, find the next one in sequence from among the related ones at the bottom.)

I Am a Man of Constant Comment

2011-01-28T07:20:00.000-05:00

Title: I Am a Man of Constant Comment
Artist: Abd Lomax and The Soggy Tea Bag Boyz
Composer: Soggy Tea Bag Boyz and Barsoom Tork Associates
YouTube: I Am a Man of Constant Sorrow — Soggy Bottom Boys (Oh Brother, Where Art Thou)

I am a man of Constant Comment
I've seen trouble all my day.
I bid farewell to Wikipedia
The place where I was scorned and chased.

The place where he was scorned and chased.

For six long years I've been in trouble
No treasures here my search hath found
For in these threads I'm bound to ramble
I have no friends to slap me down.

He has no friends to slap him down.

It's fare thee well my trollish bugger
I never expect to see you win
For I'm bound to ride that wretched railroad
Perhaps I'll wreck upon this train.

Perhaps he'll wreck upon this train.

You can bury me in wordy blizzards
For many years where I may lie
Then you may learn to nudge a brother
While I am ranting in my rave.

While he is ranting in his rave.

Maybe your friends think I'm just a wanker
My trace you'll never see no more.
But there is one promise that is given
I'll meet you on Cold Fusion's lore.

He'll meet you on Cold Fusion's lore.

CopyClef 2011 The Soggy Tea Bag Boyz and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware. All songs abused.

I Am a Man of Constant Sorrow — The Soggy Bottom Boys
(George Clooney, Oh Brother, Where Art Thou, 2000)

Junk Science

2011-01-26T08:41:00.000-05:00

Title: Junk Science
Artist: Moulton
Composer: Lady Gaga and Barsoom Tork Associates
YouTube: Bad Romance — Lady Gaga
YouTube: Bad Project — Lady Science

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad defense

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad defense

Dah-dah-ah-ah-ah!
Blah-Blah-Dah-ah!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!
Check your junk science

Dah-dah-ah-ah-ah!
Blah-Blah-Dah-ah!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!
Chuck your junk science

I want your fusion
I want your disease
I want your excess heat
As long as it’s free
I want your heat
Heat-heat-heat
I want your heat

I want your drama
Mere words are too bland
I want your irritated fist pounding sand
And I want your heat
Heat-heat-heat
I want your heat
Excess heat
I want your heat

You know that I troll you
And you know that I feed you
I want some junk, your junk science

I want your anger
And I want your revenge
You and me perform a tragic dance
I want your anger and
All your words spell revenge
You and me perform a tragic dance

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad defense

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!
Check out your junk science

Dah-dah-ah-ah-ah!
Blah-Blah-Dah-ah!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!
I want your junk science

I want your horror
I want your design
‘Cause you’re subliminal
As long as you whine
I want your heat
Heat-heat-heat
I want your heat

I want your scope trace
Your vertical blips
Get thee behind me
'Cause Abd you're sick
I want your heat
Heat-heat-heat
I want your heat
Excess heat
I want your heat

You know that I troll you
And you know that I feed you
I want some junk, some junk science

I want your anger
And I want your revenge
You and me perform a tragic dance
I want your anger and
All your words spell revenge
You and me perform a tragic dance

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!
Check out your junk science

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!
Chuck out your junk science

Dah-dah-ah-ah-ah!
Blah-Blah-Dah-ah!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!
I want your junk science

Dah-dah-ah-ah-ah!
Blah-Blah-Dah-ah!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!
I want your junk science

Talk talk fusion, maybe
Juice it
Move that itch crazy
Talk talk fusion, maybe
Juice it
Move that itch crazy
Talk talk fusion, maybe
Juice it
Move that itch crazy
Talk talk fusion, maybe
Juice it
Frog legs twitch, maybe

I want your anger
And I want your revenge
I want your heat
Cuz we'll never be friends

Ich will dein Zorn
Und ich will deine Rache
Ich will dein Zorn
And I feel your heartbreak

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!
Check out your junk science

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!
Chuck out your junk science

I want your anger
And I want your revenge
You and me perform a tragic dance
I want your heat and
All your words spell revenge
You and me perform a tragic dance

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!
Check out your junk science

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!
Chuck out your junk science

Dah-dah-ah-ah-ah!
Blah-Blah-Dah-ah!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!
Want your junk science

CopyClef 2011 Lady Gaga and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware. All songs abused.

Bad Project — Lady Science
(Parody by Zheng Lab at Baylor College of Medicine)

Bad Romance — Lady Gaga

Hysteresis

2011-01-23T12:55:00.000-05:00

Hysteresis is the name of a phenomenon in electrical systems in which the state of a system depends on the history of how it arrived at its current state. Hysteresis is most commonly observed in magnetism (and hence in AC transformer circuits), but it can arise in many other contexts, both in electrical circuits and in any system which can be said to have memory.

The word, hysteresis, comes from a Greek root that variously means deficiency, shortcoming, or falling behind. The etymology of hysteresis is not related to the similar sounding word, hysteria, which comes from the Latin word for womb (or uterus).

One of the most interesting explanations of hysteresis comes from a model of the Bose-Einstein Condensate, in which a tiny perturbation in some arbitrary direction seeds a macroscopic departure in that direction. Imagine something delicately balanced on the razor's edge. Then the tiniest perturbation in one direction or another will determine which way the balanced object falls.

Once a system subject to hysteresis has arrived at a given state, it can take a substantial amount of energy to bring it to a different state.

There is a related model of how hysteresis works in neural networks to form persistent memories and beliefs that, once formed, become immune to revision, even when the evidence for revising a belief is considerably stronger than the original evidence for forming a belief in the first place. When that happens, a paradigm shift cannot take place until the evidence for revising a memorized state exceeds some fairly large threshold called the tipping point.

Oddly enough, when the tipping point is reached and a sudden paradigm shift occurs, the phenomenon is reminiscent of hysteria, which Freud and others of his age imagined to be a sudden disturbance of the womb.

Isn't that hysterical?

The Final Absolution

2011-01-18T07:24:00.000-05:00

When last we left our intrepid playwright, he was musing on the working title of the next comic opera in the Rinse Cycle...

The Ring of the Neener Bomb

Previously, Schadenfreude Theatre presented a pair of seemingly unrelated operas, one entitled Fear and Loathing in Lost Vagueness and one entitled No One Expects the Spammish Inquisition!.

Those two productions were in addition to an earlier Soap Opera entitled, Bildungsroman in the Age of Character Assassination, which featured Bela, Klaatu, Moulton, and a variety of walk-on cameos by various and sundry characters from the Original ATI/RI/PDR Soap Opera which Bela graciously kicked off some seven years ago.

Now the third opera in the Ring of the Neener Bomb is getting underway at the English Wikipedia and at Wikiversity. This one is tentatively called The Final Absolution and promises to have considerably better music than the utter atrocities previously composed by Barsoom Tork Associates.

The tentative plan was to place the proposed drama aboard a Ship, the HMS Final Absolution. On the prow of the Ship, in lieu of a statue of a naked lady, there was to be a sculpture of a Fucshia Foofy Loofah. The cargo was slated to be Vanilla Bean Soap-On-a-Rope.

However, I'm now thinking that instead of a Fucshia Foofy Loofah, I'll use a piece of Stainless Steel Wool as an Anode, and a Deuterated Palladium Cathode in lieu of the Vanilla Bean Soap-On-a-Rope. The Ship will be propelled by a noisy burst of pulsing energy through a fabulous spray of swirling mist.

I'm especially looking forward to crafting the grand finale, "The Riot of the Mockeries."

_______________________________

Title: The Riot of the Mockeries
Artist: The Wikipedia Outcast Opera Company
Producer: The Schadenfreude Post-Modern Theatre of the Absurd
Composer: Richard Wagner and Barsoom Tork Associates
YouTube: The Ride of the Valkyries — Vienna Philharmonic
YouTube: The Ride of the Valkyries — Domine (with English lyrics)

Oh Jimbo on high,
I am calling you like a wiki clown
And as I fake my last laugh
I call for the flightiest of mockeries

For none but the brave, be he admin or a knave
With adrenalin pumping in his heart
Will be able to riot when the mockeries fly
And be summoned to the dreadful review

Oh Jimbo on high
Listen to my praise
I lived my life by your rules
Oh let banhammers clobber me now

For none but the brave, be he admin or a knave
With cojones throbbing in his loins
Will be able to riot when the mockeries fly
And be summoned to the dreadful review

With the mockeries, scroll over the battleground
Wield your banhammers and summon me
I'm waiting for you to rake my coals,
Dying to fight with ArbCom of old

Mockeries, riot over the battleground
I'm losing and glad to feud
Because I know today I will take my place
With the martyrs in ArbCom of old

For none but the brave, be he admin or a knave
With dopamine surging in his brain
Will be able to riot when the mockeries fly
And be summoned to the dreadful review

With the mockeries, riot over the battleground
Wield your banhammers and summon me
I'm wading into der Sturm und der Drang,
Nem zich a vaneh mit ArbCom of old

Mockeries, riot over the battleground
I'm dying and glad to feud
Because I know today I will jump in the lake
With the heroes in ArbCom of old

In the land of the outcasts I finally take my place
With my wounds and my trophies I enter Moulton's realm
I'm an immortal spirit now with a heart not so brittle
With the gods on high forever I will muse
And laugh at the fears of man

CopyClef 2011 Richard Wagner and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware. All wrongs reversed.

The Ride of the Valkyries — Vienna Philharmonic

The Ride of the Valkyries — Domine (with English lyrics)

Wallucinations

2011-01-11T10:22:00.000-05:00

If you look at the copious comments on the last half dozen blog posts here, you will note a curious phenomenon.

Almost all the comments come from just one person — Abd ul-Rahman Lomax — who is illustrating his favorite mode of conversational dialogue.

Abd employs an idiosyncratic style of communication which I frankly had never encountered before.

Since his communication style is one for which I don't have a name, I'll venture to coin a name for it.

Abd's style of communication — which is to bury his dialogue partner under a blizzard of words in which he endlessly presents his fabulous vision — is what I shall henceforth call a textual wallucination.

A wallucination is defined as a wall of text in which someone presents a fantastic hallucinatory pipe dream.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

The Phantom Tollbooth

(Watch all six segments in Full Screen Mode)

A Slew of Noise

2011-01-09T16:33:00.000-05:00

The Cold Fusion cells used by researchers like SRI's Michael McKubre operate with a constant-current DC power supply. McKubre is one of the leading researchers in the Cold Fusion field. His work is funded by the Electric Power Research Institute (EPRI).

The advantage of using a constant current DC power supply is that the experimenter can control the DC drive current, which is the faradaic current that is either charging the electrodes or dissociating the electrolyte.

In all the technical models for input electrical power that I've looked at, the electrical input power is modeled as pure DC power, with no AC component. That is, the constant-current DC power supply is treated as an ideal constant current source, with no AC perturbations around the constant DC current.

However, all real constant current power supplies have a characteristic slew rate which specifies how fast they respond when the load impedance changes abruptly. The Kepco BOP 20-20M 400-watt power supply used by McKubre has a slew rate of 1.25 A/μsec in the constant-current mode and 1.0 V/μsec when operated in the constant-voltage mode.

The slew can be modeled as a linear ramp whenever the resistive load changes abruptly from one value to another. Instead of an ideal square wave (instantaneous adjustment), the rise and fall of the square wave is really a ramp, with slope given by the slew rate.

One can model AC power by using sawtooth or triangle waveforms, which are easy enough to integrate with simple calculus. Depending on the fluctuations in the resistive load, there will be corresponding fluctuations in the voltage which ramp up and down at the slew rate to maintain constant current. One can get an idea of how much AC power is going into the resistive load by computing the AC power of a simple triangle wave with a peak-to-peak voltage.

I did this for two examples, corresponding to a pair of experiments in McKubre's EPRI paper. McKubre doesn't say what the peak-to-peak voltage excursions are when his cells are bubbling, so I assumed a 2 V peak-to-peak swing around his reported DC values, to make the math easy to do. For the case of 2 A going into a nominal 2.5 Ω resistive load at 5 V for a DC power of 10 W, a 2-V peak-to-peak triangle wave riding on top of the DC comes out as 0.5 W of AC, for a total of 10.5 W electrical power. For the case of 7 A going into 6/7 Ω resistive load at 6 V for a DC power of 42 W, a 2-V peak-to-peak triangle wave riding on top of the DC comes out as 1.8 W of AC power, for a total of 43.8 W.

Thus a voltage excursion of the order of magnitude of 2 V peak-to-peak works out to about 4-5% of the electrical power being AC noise power at a frequency related to the slew rate of the power supply.

The CBS News film crew that accompanied 60 Minutes correspondent Scott Pelley to McKubre's lab at SRI may have missed an opportunity to measure the peak-to-peak AC (audio) power going into McKubre's cell. All they had to do was slap one of their audio VU meters across the terminals of McKubre's cells to see if there was any AC (audio) power that McKubre was leaving out of his calculations.

Title: Hot Vibrations
Artist: Michael McKubre
Composer: Brian Wilson, Mike Love, and Barsoom Tork Associates
YouTube: Good Vibrations — The Beach Boys

I love the effervescent fizz and spritz
And the way the sunlight plays upon the mist
I hear the sound of a gentle hiss
On the wind that lifts warm vapors with a twist

I'm picking up hot vibrations
It's giving me excitations
Click, pop pop, hot vibrations
Pop, pop, excitations
Click, pop, pop, hot vibrations

Close my eyes, I can listen closer now
Softly now, I calculate the mean
When I reckon swirling steam
It chatters me with a static whirl

I'm picking up hot vibrations
It's giving me excitations
Click, pop, pop, hot vibrations
Pop, pop, excitations
Click, pop, pop, hot vibrations

I don't know why but it sounds like fries
Oh my my my, what a sensation
Oh my my, noise generation
Got to keep those frying hot vibrations
Happening forever

CopyClef 2011 Brian Wilson, Mike Love, and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware. All songs abused.

Good Vibrations — The Beach Boys

Tiny Bubbles

2011-01-05T06:26:00.000-05:00

Perk up, Abd
You Geyser
Not Seeing
What you Mist

HHO Mist

“For those who have not witnessed the HHO as it comes out of the water, here it is. You cannot help but notice the gases popping out of the water. The mist you see is the wet gas. It was not visible until we moved it into the sunlight. This is not hot water.”

Mist Opportunity

The Miles-Fleischmann Calorimetry Model is the central technical model of isoperibolic Cold Fusion calorimetry. This model has a term, Pgas, that accounts for heat lost through the venting of D2, O2, and D2O vapors. The model assumes that all the vented D2O is in the vapor phase, and none in the condensed (liquid) phase. This does not appear to be a generally safe assumption.

During operation of the cell, D2 and O2 gas is bubbling up. When bubbles break the surface, they "spritz" some droplets into the air, much like carbonated beverages do. When cells are run at elevated temperatures (as they often are), there will also be some amount of steam, fog, or mist in the air space. Some amount of moisture in the liquid phase will be swept along with the D2, O2, and D2O vapor as it vents from the cell. But water in the liquid phase does not carry off as much heat as water in the vapor phase. When the lost water is plugged into the Miles-Fleischmann Model, the formula will assume that the amount of heat lost corresponds to that for water in the vapor phase. For every mole of water that was vented in the liquid phase (as steam, fog, or mist), 45 KJ of heat will be left behind, to show up as anomalous "excess heat."

There is no express term in the Miles-Fleischmann Model for heat from nuclear reactions; rather there is a term, Pex, for leftover heat not accounted for by any other explicit term in their model. Pex could be from any number of imaginable processes not expressly modeled in their energy budget equations. One possibility is that Pex could be a placeholder for Pmist, which needs to be expressly incorporated into their model.

Title: There's a Kind of Spritz
Artist: Abd, Moulton, and Dieter Britz
Composer: Les Reed, Geoff Stephens, and Barsoom Tork Associates
YouTube: There's a Kind of Hush - Herman's Hermits (Rare Clip-Synced Version)

There's a kind of spritz all over the fusion cell.
All over the cell you can hear the noise of bubbles in fizz.
You computed the mean.
Just the buzzing hiss that nobody else could hear.
There's nobody else and Kirk's the one who's breaking your spell.

So listen very carefully.
Closer now and you will measure the mean.
It's all been a dream.

La-la-la-la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la-la

So listen very carefully.
Closer now and you will measure the mean.
It's all been a dream.
The crackling sound that you will hear
Is popping bubbles in your ear
Fizzing there forever and ever.

There's a kind of spritz all over the fusion cell.
All over the cell you can hear the noise of bubbles in fizz.
Yeah, they're popping in hiss.
Spritz! "They're crackling," says Britz.
Spritz.

CopyClef 2011 Les Reed, Geoff Stephens, and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware. All songs abused.

There's a Kind of Hush — Herman's Hermits

Classical Gas

2011-01-03T10:28:00.000-05:00

A few days ago, we were musing about opium-induced dreams as a metaphor to illustrate the pipe dreams of the Cold Fusion enthusiasts.

This morning, on NPR, science reporter, Joe Palca, told us about smoking a variety of southwestern sage called Salvia Divinorum. Like smoking other opioids, Salvia brings on hallucinogenic dreams in which the subject experiences an altered reality.

Thinking about Salvia and Ions reminded me of Ian and Sylvia, a Canadian folk music duo from the 1960s. They came to mind partly because of their top song titles.

Ian & Sylvia

Four Strong Winds - Four Strong Winds - 2006 - 4:25

Early Morning Rain - Best Of The Vanguard Years - 2006 - 3:58

You Were On My Mind - Northern Journey - 2006 - 2:47

Some Day Soon - Northern Journey - 2006 - 2:21

Each of these song titles has a connection to my recent conversations with Abd ul-Rahman Lomax on his favorite subject of Cold Fusion.

Abd and I were reviewing a particular set of experiments, carried out by a chap named Zhang, who ran his Cold Fusion cell in steampunk mode, at or near the boiling point. In these cells, you need a safety valve to vent the gases if the pressure gets too high. The safety valve kicks in if the catalytic recombiner gets wet and stops working. In that case, there are four components in the steam bath. You have water vapor and steam, plus gaseous Deuterium and Oxygen. These are the "four strong winds" that are vented. The problem is to figure out how much of each one is being vented. It occurred to me that putting a steam whistle on the vent (thereby turning Zhang's Cold Fusion Cell into a Steam Calliope) would do the job. Just as inhaling Helium will change the timbre of your voice, the mix of gases will change the timbre of the Steam Calliope. It occurred to me that Zhang could assay the vented gases by analyzing the audio spectrum of the whistle from his Steam Calliope.

As to the other three songs from Ian and Sylvia, obviously Abd has been on my mind the last few weeks, and we've previously talked about how there is a little raincloud in operation in the cell. And of course, Abd and the Fusioneers expect to demonstrate Cold Fusion someday soon.

Steampunk Fusion Dream

2011-01-01T17:59:00.000-05:00

Title: Steampunk Fusion Dream
Artist: Moulton
Composer: John Lennon, Paul McCartney, and Barsoom Tork Associates
Midi: Yellow Submarine

In the town of Santa Fe
Lives a man who wrote to me
And he told me of his strife
In the land of science dreams

So we rallied up some puns
Till we found the steampunk theme
And we dived beneath the raves
In our steampunk fusion dream

We all believe in our steampunk fusion dream,
Steampunk fusion dream, steampunk fusion dream
We all believe in our steampunk fusion dream,
Steampunk fusion dream, steampunk fusion dream

And our friends are in a cult
Many more of them need an adult
And the band begins to play

We all believe in our steampunk fusion dream,
Steampunk fusion dream, steampunk fusion dream
We all believe in our steampunk fusion dream,
Steampunk fusion dream, steampunk fusion dream

As we live a life of tease
Everyone of us has too much greed
Bubbling gas and steampunk theme
In our steampunk fusion dream.

We all believe in our steampunk fusion dream,
Steampunk fusion dream, steampunk fusion dream
We all believe in our steampunk fusion dream,
Steampunk fusion dream, steampunk fusion dream

We all believe in our steampunk fusion dream,
Steampunk fusion dream, steampunk fusion dream
We all believe in our steampunk fusion dream,
Steampunk fusion dream, steampunk fusion dream

CopyClef 2011 John Lennon, Paul McCartney, and Barsoom Tork Associates
Resurrection Hackware. All songs abused.

Up In Smoke

2011-01-01T05:57:00.000-05:00

Joseph Priestley was a pioneer in chemistry who shares the credit with Antoine Lavoisier for the discovery of Oxygen. Before Oxygen was discovered — along with an explanation of its crucial role in combustion — chemists generally believed in a now long-forgotten Phlogiston Theory.


	A pipe dream is a fantastic hope or plan that is generally regarded as being impossible to achieve. The term originated in the 19th century as an allusion to the dreams experienced by smokers of opium pipes.

Phlogiston was hypothesized to be a substance that was present in unburned materials that was released during combustion. Quite literally, the Phlogiston went up in smoke. Antoine Lavoisier measured the mass of the smoke along with the mass of the ash, and found that together they weighed more than the fuel. There was too much smoke! This puzzling observation led some to suggest that Phlogiston must have negative mass. Of course the extra mass that Lavoisier found in the smoke was the mass of Oxygen.

Once Lavoisier worked out the mathematics for his Oxygen Combustion Model, most chemists abandoned the Phlogiston Theory. One might say the Phlogiston Theory itself went up in smoke.

But not quite. A number of chemists —notably including Joseph Priestley — clung to the Phlogiston Theory to their dying day. Was Priestley reluctant to concede that Lavoisier had not only joined in the discovery of Oxygen, but also discovered and developed the better scientific theory of the role of Oxygen in the combustion process?

Oddly enough, the Story of Phlogiston and the Excess Smoke is very similar to the Story of Cold Fusion and the Excess Heat. The so-called "excess heat" of Cold Fusion is very much like Phlogiston — a problematic (and demonstrably incorrect) way to account for the gozintas and gozoutas. In Cold Fusion some of the heat from the apparatus escapes without passing through the device that carefully measures heat flow. How do they account for this heat that sneaks past the meter? They use a complex mathematical model that has a term for every imaginable way some heat can escape undetected. The smallest error in that complicated mathematical model can throw off the estimate of the unmeasured or unaccounted fraction of heat in the overall system.

Like Antoine Lavoisier, who carefully captured all the smoke and carefully assayed it, modern replications of the Cold Fusion experiment are finding that the "excess heat" isn't really there. Rather it was an artifact of subtle errors in the complicated mathematical model that purportedly accounted for the unmeasured heat that bypassed the meter.

And so Cold Fusion, like Phlogiston, goes up in smoke.

And yet the Fusioneers, like Joseph Priestley, will continue to believe in their fabulous pipe dream until their dying day.

Popular Epistemology

2010-12-30T07:42:00.000-05:00

In Philosophy, the term epistemology refers to study of knowledge and justified belief.

In 1982, Philosopher/Logician Raymond M. Smullyan, Emeritus of the University of Indiana, published a popular treatment of the subject in a dialogue entitled, "An Epistemological Nightmare."

There does not exist a Journal of Experimental Epistemology, but Indiana University's Philosophy Department does boast an Experimental Epistemology Laboratory (EEL) where one can find a small collection of peer-reviewed papers on the subject.

Of course, what's really needed today is a lively periodical on Popular Epistemology (not to be confused with Steampunk, which is generally covered in Popular Pistonology).

EEL Mascot from Indiana University devours CF device

Outfoxer

2010-12-29T10:57:00.000-05:00

Title: Outfoxer
Artist: Moulton
Composer: Paul Simon, Art Garfunkel, and Barsoom Tork Associates
Midi: The Boxer

[Click to start Midi]

I am just a schmendrick and my story's ne'er been told
I've squandered my repentance for a pocketful of grumbles, such are promises
All lies and jest, still the man hears what he wants to hear
And disregards the rest, hmmmm

When I left my job security, it was no more than a lark
In the company of strangers
In the agora of teh intarwebs, runnin' scared
Laying low, seeking out the poorer quarters, where anonymous people go
Looking for the places only they would know

Li la li...

Asking only author's credits, I come lookin' for a role, but I get no offers
Just a come-on from admins with meta point of view
I do declare, there were times when I was so lonesome
I took some pot shots there

Now the years are rolling by me, they are rockin' even me
I am wiser than I once was, and dumber than I'll be, that's not unusual
No it isn't strange, after changes upon changes, we are more or less the same
After changes we are more or less inane

Li la li...

And I'm laying out my epitaph, wishing I was gone, goin' strong
Where the New York City lawyer isn't niggling me, teachin' right from wrong

In the docket stands Outfoxer, and a scholar by his trade
And he carries the reminders of every site that laid him down or cut him
'Til he cried out in his anger and his pain
I am leaving, I am leaving, but the scholar still remains
Yes his questions still remain

Li la li...

CopyClef 2008 Paul Simon, Art Garfunkel, and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware. All wrongs reversed.

Brené Brown Measures the Immeasurable

2010-12-25T14:01:00.000-05:00

Brené Brown is a researcher in the Social Sciences who is also a wonderful story teller. Here she is, telling the story of her own research, in which she relates the challenge of measuring such immeasurable quantities as one's sense of worthiness, connectedness to others, vulnerability, shame, and courage.

Equal Time for Abd

2010-12-24T08:17:00.000-05:00

Abd has responded, at length, to my trenchant, whimsical, and satirical commentary on Cold Fusion.

So, in the interest of Equal Time, here is Abd's lengthy rebuttal, posted on Wikipedia Review.

See what you think.

Posted by Abd on Thursday, Dec 23, 2010 at 6:07PM

This is long, about Barry Kort (Moulton), banned here and from most WMF wikis. Now I know why he's banned, more directly and personally.

I'd invited Moulton to help out with a Wikiversity Cold fusion resource, knowing he was skeptical about cold fusion, but I was unprepared for a full-on pseudo-skeptical, reject anything that contradicts "accepted models," assault, becoming very personal, attacking cold fusion scientists as "believers" and "deluded."

The scientific method was developed to move beyond "socially correct" opinion, by requiring that every theory be subject to falsification, at least to be accepted as "scientific." Moulton uses it, however, to defend orthodoxy, requiring no proof for "accepted theory," even when applied outside of experience, but demanding impossible standards of proof -- rejection of every "null hypothesis" no matter how preposterous, and criticism of published work for not addressing these preposterous hypotheses -- for any reports which falsify "accepted theory," i.e., which are the very kind of evidence that one should be searching for to expand the frontiers of science, to expose existing theories as limited (i.e., if they are "accepted," usually they have good explanatory power in previous experience, but may fail when confronted with a new realm, that was never tested. If they make predictions that fail in that new realm, should those experimental results be, therefore, rejected? That's what happened with cold fusion, in 1989, but the walls against publishing cold fusion research have fallen.)

But I was leaving to travel, among other things to see Dr. Edmund Storms in Santa Fe, New Mexico. Barry decided that my responses to his questions in the CF resources were not adequate, so he wrote to Dr. Storms directly, asking a series of Really Stupid Questions. Storms spent quite a bit of time in the correspondence, but did essentially say, "Do your homework."

Dr. Storms is probably the world's foremost expert on Cold fusion. He wrote the book, literally, Low Energy Nuclear Reactions, published by World Scientific in 2007. His solicited review in Naturwissenschaften is the most authoritative coverage of the field to be published to date, under peer review. Storms retired from Los Alamos National Laboratories in the early 1990s, to continue cold fusion research in his own lab, which I was able to see. Not too many people have two mass spectrometers and a scanning electron microscope in their basement.

If anyone is interested, the latest review, "Status of cold fusion (2010)" is available for reading, because someone paid Springer-Verlag the $3000 it takes to make it public.

Moulton, in his typical style, converted every discussion of cold fusion into a diatribe about how "believers" were fooling themselves, not "falsifying the null hypothesis," and on and on, not realizing, apparently, how much he was describing himself. He would cited papers in the field as if they proved his crazy "alternative hypotheses," when, in fact, the papers showed the opposite. These "alternative explanations," proposed as "null hypotheses" in an idiosyncratic mannter, were unique to him, no published skeptic ever proposed these preposterous explanations, and they were so bad that sometimes I've thought that it was deliberately stupid, just to be provocative.

As it had been pointed out to him that the strongest evidence that what is happening in these experiments is fusion was that the anomalous heat was ultimately found (many studies, no exceptions) to be produced proportionally to helium, at the right value for any kind of fusion that starts with deuterium and ends with helium (regardless of mechanism), he proposed that the heat and helium was the product of radon decay, and he'd noticed that the full radon decay chain produces roughly the same energy as two-deuteron fusion. He failed to notice that the radon decay chain, for that energy, would produce three alpha particles, not one, so the energy per helium would be one third of the expected value, the value that has been confirmed, amply, by experiment.

But, worse, his theory would imply that, because of the 3.8 day half-life of radon, at the time of packaging by the manufacturer, in order to produce a modest effect by the time the experimenter uses it, the heavy water would be so radioactive that it would vaporize quickly from the decay heat, it would be a very dangerous substance. What Moulton had done was to come up with an "alternative hypothesis" that would -- badly -- explain one experimental fact, but he had utterly failed to "falsify the null hypothesis," thus properly being hoisted on his own petard. He did this not just once but a number of times, and I've not seen him, ever, admit an error.

(As I was writing this, I checked on Wikiversity and Barry had just admitted an error. I'm checking outside to see if the sky is falling. It was a math error I'd pointed out. however, the more substantial error, the very reason why he was doing the calculation, no response on that yet. We'll see.)

Anyway, Barry likes to spread conflict, and he turned whatever page seemed handy on Wikiversity to a discussion of Abd and Dr. Storms, those crazy fanatics, he edited Wikipedia IP, signing it Moulton, with a diatribe about me, and, of course, we have been blessed with a song parody, so some good came out of this. Except he had the facts completely backward, of course. He really doesn't understand -- at all -- what Storms and I think. He assumes we are drooling over cheap energy. Storms might actually find some, from what I saw at his lab, but it's years away at best, and I'm not even looking for energy. Just a few neutrons, that's all.

Wikipedia contributions
Wikipedia edit.

Here's his latest Moulton Lava post. I find it truly amusing, because he gets the metaphor backwards. Ouroboros is an ancient alchemical symbol, and, should it be that I'm writing "poop", as he thinks, well, my eating it would be absolutely the way to find enlightenment. Thus he's confirming my claim that I learn by writing. Nobody requires him to read this "poop."

His dream was, surprise, a message for him. He'd be advised to consider himself as Ouroboros, and reread his own material and carefully digest it. Probably not yet, he should wait some time to allow some perspective to develop.

And he's suggesting that I need "a whack on the side of the head," or a "kick in the seat of the pants." With the whack, he cited the Creative Whack Pack. I wonder if Kort knows that the story there is one of my favorites. He quoted, on Wikiversity, again and again, Richard P. Feynman, also one of my inspirations. I sat with him for two years at Cal Tech. Barry is preaching to the choir what the choir knows and the preacher does not. He sees in others what he needs to recognize in himself.

Barry actually posted the same thing as his blog on Wikiversity. I'm not intending to try to get him banned again, but what I see is that Moulton is, indeed, the kind of old man who cannot change, I was shocked at the degree of it. (Moulton is about 64, I'm 66.) He'd ask a question about a issue, I'd give a detailed response, and then he'd complain about the length. He'd not respond on the substance, he'd not look up the citations or reflect on the issues.

He's not interested in discussing the subject, he wants to "expose" the people involved. Actual discussion of the topic is ... boring. He'd repeat the same errors, over and over, even though they'd been pointed out -- with evidence -- because he didn't read the responses, or if he did scan them, he was just looking for possible errors to attack.

What actually happened was that he got whacked, as to his facts. He was ignorant, but wrote confidently and aggressively anyway. Sticking one's foot in one's mouth is okay, it's a fast way to learn (I do this all the time!), but it only works if you actually read the responses and consider them, and check out alleged facts. This is how I came up to speed on cold fusion in less than a year, to the point that I was accepted into the community of cold fusion researchers, in spite of the lack of credentials or other qualifications. I'm still ignorant of many aspects of the field, these are senior researchers, professors, people with over forty years of experience in the sciences, and twenty years with cold fusion. But they will explain to people who actually want to know. And some of them have been debating arrogant idiots like Kort for twenty years. Most of them ignore the peanut gallery. They just continue to do the research.

Barry cannot tolerate debate with someone as smart or smarter than him. Today, he completely fell apart, it became purely personal attack. I intend to ask for expert review of the discussion, because I could have made mistakes, easily. But .... Kort didn't just stick his foot in his mouth, he ate it, excreted it, and ate it again. So to speak.

He used the phrase "battery charger," for cold fusion cells. His motives were transparent. A common and obvious critique of cold fusion would be that all that is going on is that a long period of electrolysis before the CF effect appears is simply concealing some small, accumulating error in calorimetry, allowing energy storage, and, then, this energy is somehow released, quickly, creating an appearance of excess energy. However, Barry wasn't, initially, examining this hypothesis, he was just trying to be irritating. Yes. Theory of mind. I'd bet on it.

When I did challenge the "battery charger" theory, which is massively defective (for starters, there is a whole class of CF experiments that don't involve energy input), he came up with "evidence" that proved it incorrect, but which was confidently asserted as if it were proof of the theory. When I pointed this out, that's when he came completely unglued, reduced to name-calling.

Anyway, Barry remains banned for every WMF project (globally locked). He's got an account at Wikiversity, Caprice, which was unblocked by Ottava as a kind of last gasp, motive unclear. It may have been "you're gonna miss me, take this!" or perhaps he had better motives than that. He's got an account at betawikiversity, under Moulton, because JWS there was protecting him and is a 'crat who could do the renaming trick. I worked for Barry to be unblocked at Wikiversity, though it was not nearly as easy as with Thekohser, who was cooperative. Barry wasn't. Barry seems to crave being blocked, I suspect he'll eventually engineer it at Wikiversity. He denies the right of communities to regulate participation.

My position had been that all communities have this right, it's intrinsic and necessary, but that it is not necessarily wise to exercise it when there are lesser remedies to a problem. However, sooner or later, Barry finds a way to provoke even the most patient of communities, it isn't quite so easy to be banned from Wikipedia Review, which he pulled off. I get his email diatribes about Wikipedia Review, and he was cc'ing his correspondence with Dr. Storms to everyone and their second cousin. Something is completely off about his sense of social appropriateness; it happens with some very smart people, especially as they degrade near the end.

Some of Barry's blocks had seemed excessive to me, but ... maybe it was intuition, maybe certain people, just as Jimbo, realized that it wasn't going to work. Jimbo tried to negotiate with Barry, back in 2008, and Barry basically pissed in his face.

This recent exchange was ironic. Barry had been attacked and run out of town by the ID Cabal, which is pretty much the same people who had, long-term, sat on the Cold fusion article -- and they still are --, excluding anything that smelled like "fringe" to them, no matter how reliably sourced, same people as the Global warming cabal, etc., and arranging for anyone inconvenient to that agenda to be banned. Even if they were civil and followed all guidelines. 'nother story.....

Barry was, really, on their side, as to how they read Science. I think he just dove in, originally, because a personal friend had been attacked by them. Philosophically, he's with them.

So there you have it. That's what Abd thinks.

(See also this "abrasive comment" from TungstenCarbide.)

Poopular Culture

2010-12-23T06:27:00.000-05:00

Ouroboros Sigil

I awoke this morning, fresh from a deep dream sleep of some 5 ½ hours, with an afterimage of an Ouroboros sigil devouring its own tail. I had retired to bed a bit earlier than normal last night because I had been reading the mind-numbing and sleep-inducing postings of a tireless and tiresome chap on Wikiversity. And it occurred to me that my erstwhile correspondent, Abd ul-Rahman Lomax, writes not so much to learn but to spin tall tales of abduction — preposterous flights of fancy — which he then devours, much as the Ouroboros devours its own tail.

But the mind-numbing tales of Abd are lamentably devoid of spice, color, amusement, or redeeming cultural value, and yet this is also how he sustains himself, day after day, week after week, year after year, endlessly dining upon the effluvia of his own peculiar brand of poopular culture. And it occurred to me that this practice of re-ingesting one's own daily drivel was probably more toxic than nutritious, and that Abd could benefit from a whack on the side of the head, or a kick in the seat of the pants, lest he become hopelessly addlepated.

Antinomy and Antagony

2010-12-22T02:11:00.001-05:00

Cold Fusion research has achieved something remarkable. They managed to take two precious metals — Platinum and Palladium — and (by means of an over-excited battery charger) dramatically transform them into the surreal elements of Antinomy and Antagony.

Antinomy, in case you didn't know, is a term used in logic and epistemology. Antinomy is "the mutual incompatibility — real or apparent — of two laws."

Antagony is either a blackened death metal band or John Milton's idea of an epic battle between Christ and Belial.

Antagony by Robert Steven Connett

Above is a painting of antagonism, disaffection and hostility which, according to the artist, illustrates addiction, sickness, symbols of war, insanity and people watching too much TV.

It seems a fitting frontispiece for obsessions with Cold Fusion, too.

Steampunk Science and Technology

2010-12-17T08:45:00.000-05:00

Steampunk is a genre of science fantasy fiction that emerged in the 1980s and 1990s in which authors re-imagined the 19th Century Victorian age of steam power in terms of 20th Century notions of science fiction and fantasy fiction. The "punk" of "Steampunk" is a riff on Cyberpunk. The "punk" of Cyberpunk, in turn, comes from the Punk Rock cultural genre of "high energy" and "ragged" musical style introduced in 1966 by a Bay City, Michigan, garage band called ? and the Mysterians. In this case, "punk" is also characteristic of the "punka punka" sound of steam-driven devices with oscillating pistons and rotating cams.


SPAWAR Cold Fusion Cell
	At the Midnight Hour, will this mysterious cell Cry 96 Tears?

The US Navy's Space and Naval Warfare Systems Command (SPAWAR) in San Diego has given steampunk science and technology a boost with its 21st Century Cold Fusion Cell. In this device, a precision battery charger pumps electric current into an electrolytic cell filled with heavy water.

The main effect of the electric current is to split heavy water molecules into their constituent elements, Dueterium gas, and Oxygen gas, which bubble up to the top of the cell where they encounter a device known as a catalytic recombiner. The catalytic recombiner operates as a steamy hearth where the Oxygen and Deuterium gases recombine to form hot water vapor, which then condenses back to liquid heavy water in a foggy steambath. There is thus a miniature weather cycle in process inside SPAWAR's Cold Fusion Cell, although there are no oscillating pistons or rotating cams as in conventional steampunk devices. The sonic vibrations within the cell are limited to the bubbling vapors and possible sonic vibrations of the metal electrodes in the cell. The softly weeping tears of heavy water that condenses and dribbles back down the inner walls of the cell presumably don't contribute to the sonic output of the cell.

The SPAWAR Cold Fusion Cell doesn't emit a nostalgic "punka punka" sound, but that's made up for by the hullabaloo of the diehard fanatics who champion this 21st Century revival of steampunk science and technology.

_______________________________________
When I think back
On all the crap I read from Lomax
It's a wonder I can think at all
And though my lack of information
Hasn't hurt me none
I can read the text slog on his wall

Cold Fusion cells
Gives us those nice hot ions
Gives us the steam of tryin'
Makes you think all the work's a funny play, oh yeah!

I got an IR camera
I love to take a neutron image
So Krivit, don't take my Steampunk Cell away

Krivit, don't take my Steampunk Cell away
Krivit, don't take my Steampunk Cell away
Krivit, don't take my Steampunk Cell away

Krivit, don't take my Steampunk Cell
Krivit, don't take my Steampunk Cell
Krivit, don't take my SteampunkCell (away)

Krivit, don't take my Steampunk Cell
Krivit, don't take my Steampunk Cell
Krivit, don't take my Steampunk Cell (away)

Dialogue on the Fooled Cheat Duel Schism

2010-12-15T20:45:00.000-05:00

A parable on the parting of the ways.

Two travelers named Capricio and Stormidio meet at a crossroads where they encounter an intrepid Innkeeper named Solvitio.

Capricio and Stormidio are having an argument. The Innkeeper, Solvitio, serves them each a warm cup of tea as he listens to their argument and to their individual tales.

Stormidio, who is traveling along Discovery Road from Ponds Pt to the Fleisch Manor, is waiting for Good Dough. Capricio, who is traveling on Theory Road from the Low Country to the Highlands, predicts Good Dough will never come.

The two argue incessantly. Solvitio, having nothing better to do, compiles a transcript of their protracted argument, which he frankly doesn't understand.

Eventually Solvitio suggests that the two travelers say their goodbyes and depart, each continuing along the road they were on when they first arrived at the Crossroads Inn. It takes a while, but eventually the two travelers agree to part company with each other and with the good Innkeeper and they each continue on their respective ways.

Solvitio sends off the transcript of the argument between Capricio and Stormidio, where it is published (in an obscure English journal) as "Boxcars of Gibberish" and (in a prestigious German publication) as "Frachtwaggons von Kauderwelsch." Alas, neither of the editions become a best seller.

Solvitio also writes his own personal account about how terribly long it took to say goodbye to the two curious travelers who met up at the Crossroads Inn. Solvitio's account is published under the title, "Much Adieu About Nothing."

Alas, no one reads it, either.

The Needle in the Haystack Game

2010-12-15T10:49:00.000-05:00

A traveler in the countryside notices a kid playing in a haystack, while the farmer piles on ever more hay.

"Having fun?" inquires the bemused traveler.

"Yes," replies the farmer. "This is my boy. He's looking for a needle in the haystack."

"How come you are still piling on more hay?" asks the traveler.

"Because if he finds the needle, the game is over."

Cold Fusion Chorus

2010-12-12T04:26:00.000-05:00

Title: Cold Fusion Chorus
Artist: Edmund Storms and Abd Ul-Rahman Lomax
Composer: George Frideric Handel and Barsoom Tork Associates
YouTube: Hallelujah Chorus — The Silent Monks

We found Cold Fusion! We found Cold Fusion!
Hallelujah! Hallelujah! We found Cold Fusion!
We found Cold Fusion! We found Cold Fusion!
Hallelujah! Hallelujah! We found Cold Fusion!

For the Excess Heat hath surely been measured.
Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Cold Fusion! It's Real!

For the Excess Heat hath surely been measured.
Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Cold Fusion! It's Real!

The truth of this word
Is become the truth of the world,
So we were right; so we were right;
And heat shall flow for ever and ever,

For ever and ever, forever and ever,
Heat is there, and Helium too,
Heat is there, and Helium too,
And Neutrons (a few),
And heat shall flow,
And heat shall flow forever and ever.

Heat is there, forever and ever,
Helium too,
Hallelujah! Cold Fusion!
And we shall exult forever and ever,
Heat is there, and Helium too!
And we shall exult forever and ever,
Heat is there, and Helium too!
Hallelujah! Cold Fusion! Hallelujah! Cold Fusion!
Cold Fusion Is Real!

CopyClef 2010 George Frideric Handel and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware. All songs dispersed.

Hallelujah Chorus — The Silent Monks

Excuse me sir, but exactly how did you falsify the Null Hypothesis?

2010-12-08T03:18:00.000-05:00

This is a story about a strange field of research called Cold Fusion, and my encounters with two individuals working in the field.

In case you don't recall, a Cold Fusion cell is a small electrolytic cell (like a cell in your car battery) that uses heavy water as the electrolyte and two precious metals (palladium and platinum) as the cathode (negative terminal) and anode (positive terminal) respectively.

The theory is that when you apply electric current to the cell, the deuterons (the nuclei of the heavy isotope of hydrogen) are driven to the surface of the palladium cathode, where some of them fuse to make helium and release energy. Fusion of hydrogen into helium takes place in stars (like our sun) and in hydrogen bombs.

Most mainstream scientists don't believe any nuclear fusion is taking place in Cold Fusion cells, and they note that there is no theoretical model to support the claim that any nuclear fusion is at work in these cells.

Much Ado About Scoffing

There is a curious chap named Abd Ul-Rahman Lomax, who I met online (at Wikipedia Review), who is into Cold Fusion. He is a true believer, proponent, and enthusiast who also wants to peddle kits to hobbyists who want to build Cold Fusion cells in their kitchen.

Abd has struck up a relationship with one of the few diehard professionals still working on Cold Fusion Research. Down in Santa Fe NM, a chap named Edmund Storms is the Branch Manager (and sole employee) of KivaLabs. Storms has been involved in Cold Fusion Research since its inception. He, too, is a true believer, proponent, and enthusiast.

Recently, Storms published one of his occasional papers surveying the state of Cold Fusion Research to date. Having nothing better to do for a week, I offered to contribute a review of this paper as part of a little project that Abd was setting up on Wikiversity.

I ended up corresponding with Storms (via E-Mail) and learned quite a bit about the story of his 21-year journey through the field of Cold Fusion Research.

He feels that his efforts to demonstrate Cold Fusion are largely unseen and unappreciated, and he expresses significant levels of frustration, vexation, disappointment, anger, bitterness, and disdain at mainstream scientists and government agencies who have withdrawn confidence in (and support for) research in his field.

Storms expresses high levels of personal confidence that he is on the right track, and he exhibits high levels of hope and determination to achieve success at demonstrating Cold Fusion, which he sincerely believes to be real, and not a misconception arising from any failure to rigorously adhere to the protocols of the scientific method in the course of his experimental work.

My extensive interview of Edmund Storms (mostly in E-Mail) has provided me with an unexpected opportunity to examine how emotions such as confidence, surprise, confusion, perplexity, anger, disappointment, hope, and determination arise in the course of a difficult learning journey.

It appears to me that the emotions he expresses and the beliefs he espouses jibe with and illustrate the mathematical model of emotions and learning that I have been working on for the past 25 years.

I was curious to understand how Storms could look at the data from the many experiments and come to one conclusion (that CF is real) while others look at the same studies and come to the opposite conclusion.

It quickly became clear that Storms and I have substantial differences in how we construe and apply the protocols of the scientific method. Specifically, we have notable differences in how we envision the use of the Null Hypothesis and Control Groups.

In a typical experiment, the Null Hypothesis is that nothing unexpected is happening. The Experimental Hypothesis is that something new and interesting is happening, in accordance with a new theory or model that is being developed and tested.

I asked Storms how he falsified the Null Hypothesis, as well as other mundane hypotheses not involving any new and otherwise unexplained observations.

To my surprise, he told me that they don't use the Null Hypothesis Method in Chemistry. He told me that's only used in Physics. Basically, he simply assumed the Null Hypothesis was false, and set out to prove that Cold Fusion is real. Here is a typical quote from Storms on the point:

"As I keep saying, the Null Hypothesis idea does not work in chemistry or in Cold Fusion. All kinds of possibilities are eliminated based on experience and knowledge of chemistry up front and without much effort." --Edmund Storms, E-Mail, December 4, 2010

Then I asked him about other hypotheses, including the effect of any impurities or contaminants in the heavy water (such as residual radioactive substances that would have been present if the heavy water were reclaimed from decommissioned heavy water nuclear plants).

Again, he simply assumed the fuels were free of impurities or contaminants that could account for any of the observed effects in the Cold Fusion cells.

I pointed out that in his survey of the literature, at least two experimenters had assayed the impurities found in both ordinary water and heavy water. Both kinds of water had impurity levels corresponding to the levels of the effects attributed to Cold Fusion. Notably the heavy water was found to have Xenon in it. Xenon is an inert gas of high atomic weight. It comes just above Radon in the Periodic Table. It occurred to me that if Xenon were found in samples of heavy water, wouldn't that suggest Radon might also have been present? Radon decays in a matter of weeks to Lead and Helium, both of which were found in these assays. How do they explain the Lead, and the other trace heavy metals? Storms says the hypothesis is that they are the result of alchemical transmutation, in which the nuclei of the metals in the cathode and anode absorb deuterons and change into other elements.

I asked him why he did not consider the hypothesis that these heavy elements were the residue of impurities in the electrolyte (that being the mundane Null Hypothesis). Again he said that they don't use the Null Hypothesis, and that he assumed the fuels were pure and free from any contaminants that could account for the residues found in the cells.

My tentative conclusion is that Storms adopts a variant of the Scientific Method that is at odds with the method of Hypothesis Testing that I am familiar with, and his departure from the Scientific Method (as I construe it) accounts for the discrepancy between his beliefs and the beliefs of the skeptics who are not convinced that Cold Fusion is real.

Falsifying the Null Hypothesis

For the past week, I've continued my correspondence in E-Mail at some length with Edmund Storms, and I now have a pretty good bead on him. I've found out where he differs from me in the way he construes the protocols of the scientific method, and how he differs from me in the tools for thought that he relies on when carrying out his work.

The question that I couldn't get a straight answer to was, "How did you falsify the Null Hypothesis?"

At first I got a lot of hand-waving, along with a variety of disdainful and dismissive remarks like: "That's a "silly" question, a "dumb" question, a "trivial" question, that reveals the person asking it is is "ignorant of science."

I pressed him on it, and finally obtained this succinct quote from Storms:

"As I keep saying, the Null Hypothesis idea does not work in chemistry or in Cold Fusion. All kinds of possibilities are eliminated based on experience and knowledge of chemistry up front and without much effort." —Edmund Storms, E-Mail, December 4, 2010

In a nutshell, he discarded the Null Hypothesis at the outset and never looked back. Thereafter he systematically ignored or dismissed evidence for the Null Hypothesis and systematically began collecting and compiling evidence to support the CF hypothesis.

Another clue came in E-Mail when he expressed disdain for my reliance on "fuzzy logic." From that clue, I discovered he was evidently relying on Aristotle's Law of the Excluded Middle, that if something is false, then its inverse must necessarily be true, and vice versa. Since he assumed the Null Hypothesis to be false, then (by Aristotle's Law of the Excluded Middle), another explanation must necessarily be true, and that explanation, he maintains, is Cold Fusion.

But there is no satisfactory theory for a mechanism of Cold Fusion that jibes with what we know about Atomic Physics.

How can he conduct experiments without working from a technical theory that offers any insight into what's presumably going on?

And this is the next big difference I discovered in my correspondence with Storms. I routinely rely on Model-Based Reasoning, using scientifically reliable models constructed in accordance with the protocols of the scientific method. If I don't have a reliable model about something, I don't really have a good way to think about it, because I can't reliably anticipate what's going to happen if I tweak things this way or that.

It became clear that Storms could not be relying on Model-Based Reasoning, as he agrees that no one has a satisfactory model to work from, so the question arises, what tools for thought is he relying on, in lieu of Model-Based Reasoning?

Here, I get very fuzzy responses from Storms, that he simply knows things from long observation and experience.

So I turned the question around. I asked him what dispelled his skepticism and turned him into a believer. His response was simply to tell me to read his book, where he lays out all the evidence to support the theory that Cold Fusion is real.

I kept looking for some singular observation that converted him from a skeptic into a believer. Where were the "Aha!" moments when things became clear?

And, astonishingly, he said there weren't any. Gradually, over the years, his doubts just slowly melted away, like an exponential decay.

How could that be? Simple. He stopped looking at evidence for the Null Hypothesis, and interpreted all "relevant" evidence as support for CF. Any possible evidence going the other way was "not relevant" and not worthy of his time to figure out what was wrong with it. Evidence that he once noted as surprising or challenging to address, he now blithely dismisses as probably a misreading of the meaning of the data. And he quietly ignores it, thereafter.

This led him to concoct a number of fantastic reasons and non-standard methods to reject stubborn evidence or analysis that didn't concord with CF. The most fantastic concoction was adding alchemical transmutation to CF, a development that I was previously unaware of and astonished to find in the CF literature.

Again, I asked, "How did you falsify the Null Hypothesis regarding the presence of the heavy element ~~anions~~ cations that you are now explaining by alchemical transmutation?"

And that's where things got weird. Of course he didn't falsify it, he simply assumed that all the evidence must necessarily be interpreted to fit his preferred theory, that CF is real.

I posited, for example, that the heavy element cations, found at trace levels, were simply trace impurities in the fuel. He insisted the fuel was free of impurities. Then, when I pointed to the specs from the suppliers, listing the purest grades of heavy water to have roughly 1 ppm of otherwise unanalyzed miscellaneous impurities, he conceded there were impurities, but he insisted they made no contribution to the observed effects.

I worked out, as an exercise, that 2 parts per trillion of dissolved Radon gas in the heavy water sufficed to account for the excess heat, Helium and residue of Lead found in the cells. He countered that there could not be any Radon in the heavy water, because the stuff is radioactive, and if there were any Radon, you'd "quickly die." I frankly didn't believe that, but I didn't yet have the knowledge to rebut it.

In the most recent E-Mail, when he maintained that one would die from heavy water, I asked what the coroner would put down as the cause of death. Storms replied, "Poisoning from drinking heavy water," pointing out that you can get sick from drinking 100 mL of the stuff.

So I looked it up.

From one site: "Heavy water toxicity manifests itself when about 50% of the water in the body has been replaced by D2O. Prolonged heavy water consumption can cause death." The stuff costs $300 per liter, and one would need to consume (and not pee out) at least 40 liters of heavy water, at a cost of $12,000, just to get into the ball park of toxicity. But I'm not drinking the stuff. Nor am I bathing in it. There are even musings of a murder mystery based on administering heavy water to an invalid. Surprisingly enough the numbers were run by a guy I happen to know. He got the same answer I came up with.

Anyway, Storms conveniently forgot that it was Radon contaminants at a few parts per trillion that I was reckoning, not personally drinking a few gallons of the stuff.

Bottom line, the guy is apparently self-deluded, not a source of reliable information, not a very good scientist, and otherwise exemplary of what's wrong with our system of science education in this country.

Watch for me to make this my annoying new mantra: "Excuse me, but exactly how did you falsify the Null Hypothesis?"

In Sensorium

2010-11-21T08:52:00.000-05:00

In Sensorium

With mighty wands and scans we watch,
And trust begloved fondling paw.
Our nature, dread in truth and law,
With daring, peek upon your crotch.

Junk Drawers

2010-11-17T18:02:00.000-05:00

All this brouhaha over TSA pat-downs and viral videos like "Don't Touch My Junk" have prompted me to suggest a new small-business opportunity.

Here's the plan...


	Alison Cassidy models her conventional T-Shirt, "Some chicks marry chicks. Get over it."

First, we will need to find a company that can do simple sewing and/or T-shirt printing — like the outfit that prints T-shirts with political messages.

The idea is to market a line of underwear with messages intended for the eyes of TSA agents with those full-body scanner machines that use back-scatter x-rays.

Using electro-conductive metallic thread and/or metallic ink, choice messages will be stitched into or printed upon undergarments. The messages can be any combination of words or monochrome images.

The name of the line will be "Junk Drawers" and the advertising slogan will be "So What's In Your Junk Drawers?"

There will be a choice of stock messages, or customers can request custom messages or images. And we can begin with contests for people to suggest choice messages or drawings to be stitched or imprinted into "Junk Drawers."

So, what do readers think? Is it a money-maker?

Red Gate Farm

2010-10-14T07:28:00.000-04:00

In "The Social Network" Aaron Sorkin tells a compelling story about a cadre of very angry and deeply misogynistic students at Harvard University. Sorkin says that Facebook was born during a night of incredible misogyny in which young women were first compared to farm animals and then to each other, based on their looks and their sex appeal.

Photo by Carmen Aldinger

It's hard to read Sorkin's analysis without thinking about George Orwell's Animal Farm in which some animals are more equal than others. In Animal Farm there are themes of privilege, scapegoating, rewriting history, pogroms, and self-delusion.

Nowadays, almost any scandal is labeled with the suffix "-gate" (after Watergate). And so it seems altogether fitting and proper to invoke the visual metaphor of the Red Gate Farm as the unifying them of "L'Affair Moulton" in Wiki Country.

Now all I need is a theme song.

Grumble Mumble

2010-10-07T09:12:00.000-04:00

Title: Something Snotty This Way Blows
Artist: The Frog Choir
Composer: William Shakespeare, John Williams, and Barsoom Tork Associates
YouTube: Double Trouble — Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

By the picking of my nose,
Something snotty this way blows.

Grumble, grumble, post and mumble
Anger seethe and tag team fumble
Grumble, grumble, post and mumble
Something snotty this way blows.

Eye of Horus: toe the line,
Woolly note and post sublime,
Fork a thread with HK's sting,
GlassBead's name is full of bling.

Grumble, grumble, post and mumble
Anger seethe and tag team fumble
Grumble, grumble, post and mumble
Anger seethe and tag team fumble.

In the Tar Pit, piss and moan,
Moulton's verse makes Milton groan,
Wiki tales: Ye gods! Forsooth!
Glitches crummy, Mods uncouth.

Grumble, grumble, post and mumble
Anger seethe and tag team fumble
Grumble, grumble, post and mumble
Anger seethe and tag team fumble.

Something snotty this way blows!

CopyClef 2010, William Shakespeare, John Williams, and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware. All wrongs reversed.

Double Trouble — Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Wikipedia Mods

2010-10-06T10:28:00.000-04:00

Title: Wikipedia Mods
Artist: Somey and the Four Moderators of the Apocalypse
Composer: Katy Perry and Barsoom Tork Associates
YouTube: California Gurls — Katy Perry on SNL

Greetings dead ones
Let's ride the gurney...

I know a place
Where the sass is really meaner
Cold, damp and defiled
There must be somethin' in the Kool Aid
Trippin' grin and juice
Playin' underneath the headlines (Scandal)
The mods
Break their necks
Try'na sneak a little geek freak (All night)

You could travel the world
Sail into the sky
With a Dopamine high
Once you party with us
You'll be mumbling a cuss
Oooooh oh oooooh

Wikipedia mods
We're undependable
Crazy nukes
Banhammers on top
Vector skin
So hot
We'll melt your screensaver
Oooooh oh oooooh

Wikipedia mods
We're unreliable
Young, mean, fierce
We got you on lock
Wikipedia critics
Say put your hands up
Oooooh oh oooooh

Songs on the leash
We're always banned in our barrios
We freak
Never sleep
MoultonLava on the blogosphere (Oh oh)

You could travel the world
Sail into the sky
With a Dopamine high
Once you party with us
You'll be mumbling a cuss
Oooooh oh oooooh

Wikipedia mods
We're undependable
Crazy nukes
Banhammers on top
Vector skin
So hot
We'll melt your screensaver
Oooooh oh oooooh

Wikipedia mods
We're unreliable
Young, mean, fierce
We got you on lock
Wikipedia critics
Say put your hands up
Oooooh oh oooooh

Oooooh oh oooooh
Wikipediaaa...
Wikipediaaa mods
Wikipediaaa...
Wikipediaaa mods

Wikipedia mods
We're undependable
Crazy nukes
Banhammers on top
Vector skin
So hot
We'll melt your screensaver
Oooooh oh oooooh

Wikipedia mods
We're unreliable
Young, mean, fierce
We got you on lock
Wikipedia critics
Say put your hands up
Oooooh oh oooooh

Oooooh oh oooooh
Wikipediaaa...
Wikipediaaa mods
Wikipediaaa...
Wikipediaaa mods
Kool Aid!

CopyClef 2010 Katy Perry and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware. All songs reversed.

Katy Perry — California Gurls (SNL)

The Singularity Is Near

2010-09-22T21:40:00.000-04:00

From: Moulton
To: Somey <sophiapediac@gmail.com>, The Wikipedia Review <AntiCabal@gmail.com>
Cc: Oscar Lechien, Gregory Kohs, SB_Johnny, JWSchmidt, Kato, Newyorkbrad,
Daniel R. Tobias, Cary Bass, PoetGuy, Tarantino, Archos, Abd, Jon Awbrey, Proabivouac
Date: Wed, Sep 22, 2010 at 9:08 PM
Subject: Re: So, I was thinking... why not try it?

Hi Somey,

I was wondering if you were gonna get around to explaining your actions this morning.

On Wed, Sep 22, 2010 at 8:22 PM, Somey wrote:

BK:

I promised that next time we did something objectionable regarding your WR account, I'd notify you myself, rather than have the rest of the mods compose some sort of formal-sounding statement like we're a corporation or a government agency or something. We are, in fact, not a corporation or government agency.

Which, I suppose, begs the obvious question: What is the name of the organizational model that W-R is employing this week?

So... what I'd like you to do is find some obscure website - doesn't have to be less obscure than WR itself, though that would be nice - and write a series of scorching exposés about how the WR moderators are all tin-plated, hate-filled fascist gasbags (or "assbags" if you don't mind the profanity), and that we're totally unethical and have no sense of human decency. Lay it on thick! Tell 'em that we're now worse than Wikipedia, and that our treatment of you proves it, beyond question! Also, reveal our identities if at all possible - if you can't figure out who I am, just tell them my name is "Garry Shandling." Everybody hates that guy! Also, if you don't mind, try to do it on a site where they never, ever delete anything, just in case you might change your mind later.

Would you settle for an atrocious song parody or two on my relatively obscure and little noticed personal blog?

To that end, I've suspended your WR account until, let's see, sometime in 2035, I believe it is. (There's a little box where you enter how many days you want it to last, and since I'm super-lazy I just type in the same number four times - in your case it was "8"...) This should give you plenty of time to get started.

How come the error message reads:

Your account has been temporarily suspended. This suspension is due to end on Thu 23rd September 2010, 10:21am.

Oh, and I almost forgot - could you also mention that we never made any serious effort to even understand, much less attempt, that whole social-contract thing? Also, you never really got a proper warning that we might suspend you, so that was a total surprise - definitely don't fail to mention that!

Would it be all right if I simply let your words speak for themselves?

If this little experiment works, we could have you "back in the fold" in no time at all - as early as 2027 even, though a lot of that depends on things like Apache/PHP date-handling bugs, or WR Mods of the Distant Future® clicking the wrong button by accident, etc.

Do you have a control group for your experiment? And how about approval from that ever-popular Human Subjects Committee?

Which reminds me... Warden Gomi still hasn't answered my Six Questions about that.

Good luck, and remember, this is a singular honor - most people never, ever get this far. I know I never did... Heck, I never even tried!

~Somey

Well, as Ray Kurzweill reminds us, The Singularity Is Near.

Barry

--
The Process of Enlightenment Works In Mysterious Plays.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Title: Somey's Clan, Super Guards

Artist: Moulton

Composer: Tim Rice, Andrew Lloyd Weber, and Barsoom Tork Associates

Midi: Jesus Christ, Superstar

Every time I look at you I don't understand

Why you let your odd experiment get so out of hand.

You'd have managed better, Mods, if you'd had it planned.

Why'd you pull such a stupid move to have Moulton banned?

If you'd thought it through better you could have taught a whole nation

The art of Comic Opera with psycho-communication.

Don't you get me wrong.

I only want to know...

Gomi San, Prison Guard,

Are you really as mean as I think you are?

GlassBeadGame, now disgraced,

Whose topic thread has your crew defaced?

Tell me how it feels to be driving that train,

Would you rather have a red-head come and beat out your brains?

Was trash talk where it's at? Was Milton Roe your fave sock?

Could Somey move a mountain, or was that just punk rock?

Are you a bobble-headed Jesus? Or was that a mistake?

Did you know that Moulton's Opera was just a trashy crap fake?

Don't you get me wrong.

I only want to know...

Somey's Clan, Super Guards,

Are you really as mean as you say you are?

GlassBeadGame, now disgraced,

Whose topic thread has your crew defaced?

CopyClef 2010 Tim Rice, Andrew Lloyd Weber, and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware. All wrongs reversed.

Ninja College Prison Experiment

2010-09-20T03:17:00.000-04:00

The Wikipedia Review - 2010

The Ninja College Prison Experiment

Featuring Moulton, GrotesqueBaboonGuy, Subtle Bee,
Emperor, Milton Roe, TungstenCarbide, El Bufón Pelirroja,
Warden "Ninja" Gomi, Sxeptomaniac, CharlotteWebb,
Jon Awbrey, Kato, and the W-R Geek Chorus

I'ts Not Racist i'ts Biology? - Part 1 from Wikipedia Review
It is not racist it is biology? - Part 2 from Wikipedia Review
It is not racist it is biology? - Part 3 from Wikipedia Review
It is not racist it is biology? - Part 4 from Wikipedia Review
Moulton's Racial Theories - Part 1 from Wikipedia Review
Moulton's Racial Theories - Part 2 from Wikipedia Review
Moultonic Maunderings - Part 1 from Wikipedia Review
Where Have All the Threads Gone - Part 1 from Wikipedia Review
Where Have All the Threads Gone - Part 2 from Wikipedia Review
Where Have All the Threads Gone - Part 3 from Wikipedia Review
The Lounge Forum from Wikipedia Review

Synopsis: The Ninja College Prison Experiment is a study in discussion forum train wrecks of the variety that routinely arise when arrogant, manipulative, and abusive site admininstrators take leave of their senses and go off the rails.

Title: How To Screw Ya
Artist: Moulton
Composer: Leonard Cohen and Barsoom Tork Associates
YouTube: Hallelujah (KD Lang)

I heard there was a Ninja Mod
That Gomi played as if he were God
But you don't really care for drama, do ya?
It goes like this
The topic drift
The minor balk, the major rift
The baffled Mod deciding how to screw ya
How to screw ya
How to screw ya
How to screw ya
How to screw ya

Your faith was wrong, you pulled a goof
With theories begging for some proof
But science and bad judgment overthrew ya
I plied you with a bitchin' dare
I broke your stones; I grabbed your pair
And from your quips I drew, "I'm gonna screw ya."

How to screw ya, How to screw ya
How to screw ya

Gomi, I've been here before
I know this gloom, I've jammed your door
I even had a life before I knew ya
I've seen your digs by the Triomphe Arch
Your games are not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken way to screw ya

How to screw ya, How to screw ya
How to screw ya, How to screw ya

I'd give you a Bokonic shove
To show you what is meant by love
Not how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya
And remember when I moved to speak
The Ninja snake betrayed a sneak
And every breath you drew was how to screw ya

How to screw ya, How to screw ya
How to screw ya, How to screw ya

Some say we took your name in vain
No one could help; I took the blame
But if I did, well really, what's it to you?
There's a daze of fright in every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken way to screw ya

How to screw ya, How to screw ya
How to screw ya, How to screw ya

I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't win; I tried too much
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, How I love ya
Hallelujah

CopyClef 2010 Leonard Cohen and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware. All wrongs reversed.

Hallelujah — KD Lang

GlassBeadGame's True Colors

2010-08-19T12:15:00.000-04:00

Which Color is GBG's True Color?

You with the glass beads
Don't be discouraged
Oh I realize
It's hard to take courage
In a thread full of Moulton
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness inside you
Can make you feel so small

But I see your True Color
Shining through
I see your True Color
And that's why I snub you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your True Color
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

Show me a smile then,
Don't be unhappy, can't remember
When I last saw you laughing
If this thread makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
You call me up
Because you know I'll be there

And I'll see your True Color
Shining through
I see your True Color
And that's why I drub you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your True Color
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

True Colors — Cyndi Lauper

Socking Prison Blues

2010-08-09T11:10:00.000-04:00

Title: Socking Prison Blues
Artist: Greg Kohs
Composer: Johnny Cash and Barsoom Tork Associates
Midi: Folsom Prison Blues

I hear banhammers comin'
As I'm trolling round the bend
And I ain't seen good money since I don't know when,
My sock's in Blocking Prison, and time keeps draggin' on
But the sysops keep a boilin' on their lord high throne

When I was just a baby my mama told me, Son,
Always be a good boy, don't ever diss the Nuns.
But I buggered the Foundation just to see Sue sigh
When I hear that rule book quoting, I hang my head and cry..

I bet there's rich folks gloating in a fancy Wikimeet
They're probably drinkin' coolers and scarfing funky treats.
Well I know I had it coming, I know I can't be free
But those sysops keep a movin'
And that's what tortures me...

Well if they freed my sock from prison,
If my edits were sublime
You can bet I'd truck my socks a little farther down the line
Far from Socking Prison, that's where I want to play
And I'd let Barsoom's bad music blow my blues away.....

CopyClef 2010, Johnny Cash and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware, All Wrongs Reversed.

Barsoom Tork 13:21, 9 August 2010 (UTC)

Rime and Punishment

2010-08-09T06:35:00.000-04:00

Ottavion Adambromovich Raskolnikov is a young ex-student of letters, law, and lust living in extreme poverty in St. Jimboland. He lives in a tiny backwater where he rants, although due to a lack of fun has been avoiding learning for quite some time (he claims the gloom aggravates his depression). He acts like a grouch using old papers as a dildofap, and due to lack of motivation studies very rarely, although the neighbors sometimes send their sockpuppets into his quarters with food for thought. He is frequently referred to as a former student because he doesn't have the desire to finish his education. Spiritually, physically (due to lack of outdoor exercise) and emotionally distressed, his behaviour in public becomes progressively more erratic through the drama as madness gradually consumes him. Raskolnikov fluctuates between extremes of altruism and inexplicable antipathy. He is described by his acquaintances as "glumly blue in the face" and many other observers in the dark state that he is very intelligent, but tragically misguided.

In The Crime of the Ancient Mariner, Raskolnikov kiboshes an Albatross with a toy banhammer he keeps in the janitor's hall closet, with the intention of baleting its cries for good cause, based on a theory he had developed of the "bad actor" (often misunderstood as similar to the Übertroll of Kitsche [dubious – discuss]).

In one famous rant, Raskolnikov cries out, "Good God! Can it be, can it be, that I shall ritually take a toy banhammer, that I shall strike the Albatross on the block, split its skull asunder ... that I shall tread in the icky dark slum, break the peace, steal and tremble; hide, all spattered in the crud ... with the toy banhammer ... Good God, can it be?"

[Source: "The Scream of a Ridiculous Man" by Fyodor Moultonevsky]

Now is the winter of our missed content

2010-08-01T21:49:00.000-04:00

Moulton and Milton, I believe a parody on the works of Summer Shérelle Wilson may be in order, hosted on another site of course. —Tarantino, Sat 31st July 2010, 3:13pm

I dunno if I'm really up to that, Tarantino.

Parody is an art form that is quickly becoming annoying to today's Internet youth. Song parodies longer than a few verses are teasingly called ballads, and adaptations are rampant. For the most part, some changes in rhyming are needed for optimality while stalking via insult messaging systems, especially if you pray for your Internet blabfest every minute. Still, I enjoy mocking and am considered by many to be a tedious gobshite. Oh well, deal with it.

Unfortunately, due to recent copyclef vibrations by psychedelic cruisers from Wikipedia Review posting improvements of my work in connection with a Custodian who apparently wanted to ban some Jackass, I have had to reprise all churlish archives of my works. The only one that explains it is my Knol page, while most of the shite deals with my WVBD truth in advertising notice. If you are on my blacklist, there are gag options with curbs bypassing several of my worst threads. I may repost my essays and diatribes later, after the second coming of the idiots gets underway.

A Wikiversity Colloquy

2010-07-30T23:43:00.000-04:00

Beetlebaum: The way to return the Wikiversity community to good health would be to count the constructive main namespace edits of all Custodians. If the majority of a Custodian's Wikiversity edits are not directly adding learning resources to main namespace pages then the Custodian's tools should be taken away.

GoatBoy: That's actually a pretty good idea.

Daanschr: I think it is a bad idea. It does nothing to stimulate creativity.

Montana Mouse: Wikiversitans are not creative enough for you?

Daanschr: The problem with User:Moulton is that he insults people and deliberately makes them angry.

Moulton: That's an insult! That makes me angwy. I am vewwy vewwy angwy now.

Daanschr: Moulton also uses abnormal ways of communicating, which he calls drama. And this abnormal way of communicating further infuriates those who have issues with him. That is why I am in favour of blocking him.

Moulton: What? You don't like my atrocious song parodies? You know, Daanschr, that it's not unusual to be loathed by anyone. It's not unusual to make fun of anyone. But when I see you hanging about with such a glum, it's not unusual to hear me sigh, I wanna cry.

Daanschr: I have worked at a kindergarten and at a school for 16 to 20 year olds. My main job was to maintain order. Well, if someone didn't do as I say, then this person was punished pretty quickly.

Moulton: That's the spirit. Bully the little tykes. Violence Is the Best Teacher.

Daanschr: Wikiversity is lacking in authority.

Gastrin Bombesin: And Moulton stubbornly refuses to obey your authoritah?

Barsoom Tork: What you gonna do, Daanschr? Punish him?

Montana Mouse: Kinky.

Beetlebaum: Every sundered moment over WVBD...

Moulton: Cut Speech.

Woolworths Foundation School of Political Dramaturgy

2010-07-20T12:40:00.000-04:00

Letter to Jimbo Wales, Chairman Emeticus

Dear Woolworths Foundation Board of Trustees,

As you requested, here are the faculty recommendations regarding the qualifications of The Four Custodians of the Apocalypse to assume the duties of Headmaster here at Woolworths School of Political Dramaturgy.

We were especially impressed by the recent production in which the impressionable young students of Woolworths School of Political Dramaturgy were inducted into the long-forgotten practice of employing Parliamentary Bill of Attainder. The symbolic allusions to the Trial Scene from Alice in Wonderland was an especially brilliant maneuver.

We are confident that, with The Four Custodians of the Apocalypse in charge, our students will quickly learn all the well-known hoary practices from the rubbish heap of political history dating back to the Forgotten Realms of Hammurabi.

And, at the end of the term, all the students are cordially invited to Go Jump In the Lake.

(signed)

Humble Members of Your Obedient Faculty Senate
El Jefe, Chairman of the Committee on Bondage and Discipline
Dark Waffle, Recoding Secretary
The Lorax, Sargeant at Harms
BanHammurabi, Redactor of Records

Stupid Arrest

2009-07-23T09:03:00.000-04:00

Last night, at his televised news conference, President Obama characterized the arrest of Henry Louis Gates as a "stupid" act by a Cambridge police officer. The official charge was "disorderly conduct" which police privately concede is a bogus charge that they call "contempt of cop".

The word "arrest" has an etymology that means "stop" and is thus related to the corresponding practice on Wikipedia, where it's called "blocking".

In the case of Henry Louis Gates, the story made international news, and is now being touted as a "teachable moment" by those commenting on the case.

That "teachable moment" would also apply to Wikipedia admins who similarly arrest scholars and academics on specious charges.

It is unlikely the "teachable moment" will have any lasting effect on those who are most in need of an education with respect to the stupid practice that Obama was commenting on.

Jimbo Wales, Superstar

2009-03-11T09:46:00.000-04:00

Title: Jimbo Wales, Superstar

Artist: Moulton

Composer: Tim Rice, Andrew Lloyd Weber, and Barsoom Tork Associates

Midi: Jesus Christ, Superstar

Every time I look at you I don't understand

Why you let the site you (co-)founded get so out of hand.

You'd have managed better if you'd had it planned.

Why'd you make such a stupid move to have Moulton banned?

If you'd thought it through you could have taught a whole nation

The art of dramaturgy with psycho-communication.

Don't you get me wrong.

I only want to know...

Jimbo Wales, Superstar,

Are you really as nuts as we think you are?

Jimbo Wales, now disgraced,

Whose talk page has your crew defaced?

Tell me what you think about your friends on the beat.

Would you like to have a Russian masseuse beat your meat?

Was IDCab where it's at? Was FM your fave star?

Could Sue Gardner move a mountain, or was that just PR?

Did you dress like the Red Queen? Was that a mistake, or

Did you know that Essjay's fall would be a heart breaker?

Don't you get me wrong.

I only want to know...

Jimbo Wales, Superstar,

Are you really as nuts as they say you are?

Jimbo Wales, now disgraced,

Whose BLP has your site defaced?

CopyClef 2009 Tim Rice, Andrew Lloyd Weber, and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware. All wrongs reversed.

Do You Know the Way to Sanity

2009-03-10T14:09:00.000-04:00

Title: Do You Know the Way to Sanity
Artist: Retired Wikipedia Admins
Composer: Burt Bacharach, Hal David, and Barsoom Tork Associates
Midi: Do You Know the Way to San Jose (Dionne Warwick)

Do you know the way to sanity?
I've been nutz so long,
I went wrong and lost my way.
Do you know the way to sanity?
I'm going back to find some peace of mind in sanity.

Wiki is a great big brouhaha,
I plunged in and leveled up too far.
In a week, maybe two, you'll earn a barnstar.
Tweaks turn into tears, how quick they diss
And all the stars that never were
Are down at AN/I and taking piss.

Do you know the way to sanity?
They've got way too much disgrace.
There'll come a day when I will say,
I was born and raised in sanity
I'm going back to find some peace of mind in sanity.

Fame and fortune is a magnet.
It can pull you far away from home,
With a dream in your heart,
You're socked by a clone.
Dreams turn into dust and blow away
And there you are without a hope
You post your template and fade away.

I put too much faith in vanity.
Do you know the way to sanity?
Can't wait to get back to sanity.

CopyClef 2009 Burt Bacharach, Hal David, and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware. All wrongs reversed.

Happy Bashday Sweet Quiz Queen

2009-03-03T02:26:00.000-05:00

Title: Happy Bashday Sweet Quiz Queen
Artist: Gail Trimble's Brother
Composer: Neil Sedaka, Howard Greenfield, and Barsoom Tork Associates
Midi: Happy Birthday Sweet Sixteen

Tra la-la-la-la la-la-la-la
It's your bashday sweet quiz queen
Tra la-la-la-la la-la-la-la
It's your bashday sweet quiz queen

Tonight's the night I've waited for
Because you're not non-notable anymore
You've turned into the cleverest girl I've ever seen
Happy bashhday sweet quiz queen

What happened to that shining face
My Oxford scholar now gives interviews with grace
I can't believe my eyes you're just a college dream
Happy bashday sweet quiz queen

When you were only six I was your big brother
Then when you were ten we watched Capra with each other
When you were thirteen you were my funny valentine
But since you've grown up your Wiki fame is sewn up
From now on you're gonna be slimed, so

If I should smile with sweet surprise
It's just that you've shown up before the public's eyes
You've turned into the cleverest girl I've ever seen
Happy bashday sweet quiz queen

Tra la-la-la-la la-la-la-la Happy bashday sweet quiz queen
Tra la-la-la-la la-la-la-la Happy bashday sweet quiz queen
Tra la-la-la-la la-la-la-la Happy bashday sweet quiz queen

CopyClef 2009 Neil Sedaka, Howard Greenfield, and Barsoom Tork Associates.
British Isles Bobby Soxers and the Brill Building Wannabees. All knights reserved.

Kauderwelsch Review

2009-02-13T10:04:00.000-05:00

Tenth Circle Added To Rapidly Growing Hell

February 14th, 2009

WOOLWORTHS FOUNDATION SCHOOL OF POLITICAL DRAMATURGY, NETHER HELL — After nearly four years of construction at an estimated cost of 750 million souls, Kauderwelsch Review, the new 10th circle of Hell, finally opens its doors on Valentines Day.

Graphic Courtesy The Onion

Tenth Circle Added To Rapidly Growing Hell

Kauderwelsch Review, located in Nether Hell between the former eighth and ninth levels of Malebolge and Cocytus, is expected to greatly alleviate the overcrowding problems that have plagued the infernal underworld in recent years. The circle is the first added to Hell in its countless-millennia history.

"A nightmarishly large glut of condemned spirits in recent years necessitated the expansion of Hell," inferno spokesperson David Gerard said. "The traditional nine-tiered system had grown insufficient to accommodate the exponentially rising numbers of Hellbound."

Adding to the need for expansion, Gerard said, was the fact that a majority of the new arrivals possessed souls far more evil than the original nine circles were equipped to handle. "Demagogues, mendacious manipulators, swaggering soldiers of fortune, nefarious eaters of broken organ meats retained by rival forums, and creators of vexagonistic lunatic scapegoat psychodrama — these new arrivals represent a wave of spiritual decay and horror the likes of which Hell has never before seen," Gerard said.

Pompous Pilot

Despite the need for expansion, the plan faced considerable resistance, largely due to the considerable costs of insuring construction projects within the Kingdom Of Lies. Opposition also came from Hell purists concerned about the detrimental effect a tenth level would have on the intricate numerology of Hell's meticulously arranged allegorical structure. In 2008, however, funding was finally secured in a Dickensian deal brokered between Kauderwelsch CEO Pompous Pilot and Satan himself.

Prior to the construction of the tenth circle, many among the new wave of sinners had been placed in such circles as Trolls and Troglodytes, Flamers and Spammers, Sowers of Discord, Flatterers and Seducers, Artless Crime Capers Against Art, and Common Hypocrites. Hell authorities, however, say that the new level, the Circle of Total Bastards, located at the site of the former Well of Interminable ArbCom Cases just above the Grawp's Tumescent Tool at Hell's Center, better suits their insidious brand of evil.

Curbolo Firus, a leading demonic presence, is one of the most vocal supporters of the new circle.

"In the past, the underworld was ill-equipped to handle the new breed of sinners flooding our gates — demonizing forum owners, clique coordinators, cross-forum promoters, and vast hordes of cretinacious disinfotainment-industry malefactors troller-posting and typing on ergonomic keyboards while doing mouse wheelies at the same time. But now, we've finally got the sort of top-notch Pits of Doom necessary to give such repellent abominations the quality boilings they deserve."

Pausing to tear off the limbs of a former Wikipedia Review Mod, Curbolo added, "We're all tremendously excited about the many brand-new forms of torture and eternal pain this new level's state-of-the-art facilities will make possible."

Among the tortures the Kauderwelsch Circle of Total Bastards boasts: the Never-Ending Drive-By Posting, Manipulative PoV Pushing, Dopamine-Driven Flights of Fancy, and Unspeakably Scandalous Allegations.

The Circle also features a Hall of Hot Air, where condemned political pundits, clad in popcorn-festooned avatars soaked in spirit-draining acrimony, are forced to blather for centuries on end, covered in vomit and prodded with the distended ribs of skeletal, anorexic grandmothers, accompanied by an unending, ear-splittingly loud dance-remix version of the 2007 Barsoom Tork hit "The Night They Drove Old Moulton Down."

In a nearby area, IDCab Goons are forced to carry the mouse pads of uneducated Europhile migrant posters from project to project for eternity, withering under a constant barrage of verbal abuse from their former subservients as Jon Awbrey descends from the trees to peck at their livers while PrivateMusings nibbles on their spleens. In one of the deepest and most profane portions of the circle, unspeakable acts of admonition are said to be committed by a fire-breathing 'zilla with a menacing demeanor.

"In life, I did content management at Wells Fargo and Macys," one flame-blackened miscreant told reporters. "When I arrived here, they didn't know what to do with me. They put me in with those condemned to walk backwards with their heads turned all the way around on their necks, for the crime of attempting to manipulate the future. But then I sent a couple of invisible friends to the right people, and in no time flat, I secured a cushy spot for myself in the first circle of the Virtuous Unholy. Now that was a sweet deal. But before long, they caught on to my game and transferred me here to the realm of Total Bastards. I've been shrieking for mercy like a goddamn cretin ever since."

Her face contorted in the Misery of the Damned, Durova, a part-time talk show host, said: "It's hell here — there are too many seagulls dropping guano, I can't get any favorable press, my blog site is frequented by snarky characters. I'm dissed every 30 seconds, and there's no way to return the favor. Plus, I'm being boiled upside down in lard while jackals gnaw at the soles of my feet. If I could just reach the outcropping on that nearby rock, I could signal some well-placed associates and work something out, but it's just out of my grasp, and I'm out of patience, out of mercy, and I'm constantly hearing the message, 'No Personal Attacks, No Personal Attacks, No Personal Attackss.'"

She then resumed screaming in agony.

KillerChihuahua, a Captain in Hell's elite Demon Corps and supervisor in charge of assignments for the new circle, said Hell's future looks bright, thanks to the new circle.

"Things are definitely looking up," Killer said. "We're now far better equipped, and we're ready to take on the most Unholy Atrocities humanity has to offer."

"We're really on the growth spurt down here," KillerChihuahua added. "This is an exciting time to be in Hell."

Woolworths Foundation School of Political Dramaturgy

2009-02-01T20:39:00.000-05:00

Letter to Jimbo Wales, Chairman Emeticus

Dear Woolworths Foundation Board of Trustees,

As you requested, here are the faculty recommendations regarding the qualifications of the Umbridge Twins (Mike and SB_Dolores) to assume the duties of Headmaster here at Woolworths School of Political Dramaturgy.

We were especially impressed by the recent production in which the impressionable young students of Woolworths School of Political Dramaturgy were inducted into the long-forgotten practice of employing Parliamentary Bill of Attainder. The symbolic allusions to the Trial Scene from Alice in Wonderland was an especially brilliant maneuver.

We are confident that, with the Umbridge Twins in charge, our students will quickly learn all the well-known hoary practices from the rubbish heap of political history dating back to the Forgotten Realms of Hammurabi.

And, at the end of the term, all the students are cordially invited to Go Jump In the Lake.

(signed)

Humble Members of Your Obedient Faculty Senate
Ottava Rima, Chairman of the Committee on Crime and Punishment
Darklama, Recoding Secretary
Sxeptomaniac, Sargeant at Harms
KillerChihuahua, Redactor of Records

A Pack of Cards, A Moiety of Trolls, and Thou

2009-01-30T00:04:00.000-05:00

Here is a brief post from a blog called The Baheyeldin Dynasty by Khalid...

Symbolism in Lewis Carroll's 'Trial of the Knave and The Queen of Hearts'
Submitted by Khalid on Mon, 2004/12/27 - 17:18
In Alice in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll always made thinly masked critiques of the Victorian age he was living in. Once such criticism is the Knave's trial and the Queen of Hearts attitude: sham trials with guilt being pre-determined.

The Knave of Hearts is accused of allegedly stealing the Queen of Hearts' tarts, where in fact it was Alice who did so. The Queen of Hearts had made up her mind and wanted the Knave to be beheaded.

A trial is set, but it is only a sham trial. Those in power have pre-determined the outcome, and only having the trial to pretend that justice is being done.

Here is how the dialog goes, from Chapter 12:

'Let the jury consider their verdict,' the King said, for about the twentieth time that day.

'No, no!' said the Queen. 'Sentence first - verdict afterwards.'

'Stuff and nonsense!' said Alice loudly. 'The idea of having the sentence first!'

'Hold your tongue!' said the Queen, turning purple.

'I won't!' said Alice.

'Off with her head!' the Queen shouted at the top of her voice.

As you can see, the Queen wants "sentence first, verdict afterwards!".

Alice protests loudly, but the Queen now turns on her, and wants those who voice opposition and tell the truth to be the ones who are to be punished.

That memorable passage, from the closing chapter of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, is the last straw for Alice. She throws up her hands and exclaims, "Who cares for you? You're nothing but a pack of cards!" (whereupon the whole pack rises up in outrage and comes flying down upon Alice).

The lesson, I imagine, is that it's rather pointless to extend one's empathy and concern to such shallow and unredemptive characters.

It's a conundrum that reprises itself in teh intarwebs when dealing with similarly unredemptive trollish characters who do not respond to good faith expressions of concern and guidance.

One longs for an I/Thou Relationship with authentic souls whose lives are changed for the better as a result of a chance online encounter. Alas it doesn't always have a happy ending. Like Alice, one just receives a rude awakening at the end of a Kafkaesque nightmare, wondering what the devil went haywire.

Some insights and epiphanies will just have to wait for a more auspicious day.

Wikipedia Fundraiser

2009-01-08T04:32:00.000-05:00

Title: I Need The Dough
Artist: Jimbo Wales
Composer: Marc Anthony, Cory Rooney, and Barsoom Tork Associates
Midi: I Need To Know
YouTube: I Need To Know (Marc Anthony Music Video)

They say around the way you've asked for cash
There's even talk about you wanting ads
I must admit that's what I want to hear
But that's just talk until you cut my share - oh

If it's true don't leave me all alone out here
Wondering if you're ever gonna make me spare
Tell me what you're pitching cause I need the dough
Sue you've gotta let me know which way to go

Cause I need the dough
I need the dough
Tell me Tatoo Sue cause I need the dough
I need the dough
I need the dough
Tell me Saucy Sue cause I need the dough

My every thought is of Wiki being broke
It's getting harder not to become a joke
Sue I'm exactly where I wanna be
The only thing is I need you bear with me - oh

If it's true don't leave me all alone out west
Wondering if you're ever gonna make me rest
Tell me what you're feeling cause I need the dough
Sue you've gotta let me know which way to go

Cause I need the dough
I need the dough
Tell me Sexy Sue cause I need the dough
I need the dough
I need the dough
Tell me Saucy Sue cause I need the dough

CopyClef 2008 Marc Anthony, Cory Rooney, and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware. All expenses reimbursed.

Rules, Games, and Dramas

2009-01-06T07:41:00.000-05:00

For thousands of years, monarchs, politicians, and organizational managers have sought to construct the ideal set of rules so as to achieve an orderly, stable, well-regulated system. This notion is subsumed under the popular meme, Law and Order.

Rules are also used to define games. Most games (think of Chess, Checkers, or Go) have very few rules which are easy to learn, easy to remember, and easy to abide by.

Given a set of rules which define a game, there is a branch of applied mathematics called Game Theory which studies the optimal strategy for playing any given game.

Some years ago, there was a movie called Colossus: The Forbin Project that revolved around a computer simulation game called Global Thermonuclear War. That cinematic parable, drawn from a key insight in Game Theory, was followed by a similar thriller called War Games.

For the past decade, one of the most popular franchises on American television has been NBC's Law and Order. The endless syndicated reruns can be watched almost any night on the TNT Cable Channel, where the advertising slogan is "We Know Drama."

The point of all this, of course, is to note that rule-driven systems are not inherently orderly, stable, and predictable. Rather they are the recipe for games and dramas. Mathematicians have known for over a century that rule-driven systems are mathematically chaotic. Within the broad scope of Chaos Theory, the branches subsuming Game Theory and Drama Theory are probably of most interest to the general public, who lap up games and dramas along with copious amounts of beer and popcorn.

Now mathematicians will tell you that it's also possible to design orderly, stable, predictable, and well-behaved systems, if that's what you really want. But the solution is not to be found in any set of rules. Rather, if one wants a highly functional system that operates gracefully and with minimum of suspenseful drama, one must evolve beyond mere rules and embrace the subtle mathematics of functions.

This is not likely to happen in my lifetime. At least not among Homo Schleppians, most of whom are hopelessly math-impaired.

If I were running Wikipedia, I'd go with a set of rules that intentionally maximized the dramaturgy. It's clear that Wikipedians crave heart-pounding, knuckle-biting psychodrama, and they might as well admit that and design their system to become the premier site for live-action post-modern scandal-ridden theater of the absurd.

Sock Puppet Number Nine

2008-12-28T23:10:00.000-05:00

Title: Sock Puppet Number Nine
Artist: Barsoom Tork
Composer: Jerry Leiber, Mike Stoller, and Barsoom Tork Associates
Midi: Love Potion Number Nine

I took my troubles down to Wikipedia Review
You know that BADSITE with the moderate crew
They've got a blog and forum that's sublime
So let's all say hello to Sock Puppet Number Nine

I whined that I was banned by evil Wiki dicks
It's been this way since April of '06
My avatar is cropped from an angular design
And everybody calls me Sock Puppet Number Nine

I wrote a song, played the tune, and posted it online
The meter's out of time and the lyrics didn't rhyme
I protested that BADMUSIC is not a hanging crime
I clicked my mouse, I banged my keys: here comes the slime

I didn't know if it was day or night
I started dissin' everyone in sight
But when I dissed a mod for the forty-seventh time
He tarpitted all the threads of Sock Puppet Number Nine

I clicked my mouse, I banged my keys: here comes the slime

I didn't know if it was day or night
I started dissin' everyone in sight
But when I dissed a mod for the forty-seventh time
He tarpitted all the threads of Sock Puppet Number Nine
Sock Puppet Number Nine
Sock Puppet Number Nine
Sock Puppet Number Nine

CopyClef 2008 Jerry Leiber, Mike Stoller, and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware. All songs abused.

Abolishing the Wikipedia Bans As a Governance Tool

2008-12-03T08:09:00.000-05:00

The following article originally appeared as an add-on comment in the P2P Foundation's blog. Michael Bauwens, the editor of the site, elevated the comment to a main article in its own right.

The governance model of Wikipedia was so anachronistic that it took me over a year to place it in the timeline of historic governance models adopted at various times in the annals of human history.

The thing that stymied me was the prominence of blocking and banning as the primary tool of governance. I simply couldn’t place that among the recognized tools of governance in any historic context.

And then I happened to take a look at the oldest surviving account of secular law — the Code of Hammurabi of 1760 BC.

Of the 282 laws that Hammurabi of Mesopotamia carved into the stone tablets, take note of the very first one:

1. If any one ensnare another, putting a ban upon him, but he can not prove it, then he that ensnared him shall be put to death.

Evidently, banning (ostracism) was a common practice in the tribal cultures in the Middle East some 4000 years ago, at the dawn of civilization. Capricious and spurious banning was evidently such a common and egregious abuse of tribal overlords that Hammurabi made it a capital offense to ban someone without proving just cause.

And yet, on Wikipedia, indefinite blocks and bans without due process are a common occurrence. That is to say, the prevailing governance model of Wikipedia corresponds to a pre-Hammurabic tribal ochlocracy that is so anachronistic, it predates the advent of the Rule of Law.

When Thomas Jefferson and the other Founders drafted the US Constitution, one of the provisions they put in Article One was a prohibition against Bills of Attainder. A Bill of Attainder is the technical term in the law for declaring a person to be an outlaw (without respect to having violated any specific law that applies equally to everyone). The Founders excluded Bills of Attainder from the tools of governance because 4000 years of political history had demonstrated that such a toxic practice is corrosive and ridden with corruption, and invariably sinks any government that comes to rely on it.

The irony here is that Wikipedia purports to be the “sum of all knowledge” with an educational mission that reaches out to students, teachers, and scholars around the world. And yet those exercising power in Wikipedia have not yet learned the oldest and most profound lessons in the annals of human history — lessons enshrined in the first written law and in the first article of the US Constitution.

The consequence of adopting such an anachronistic governance model is that Wikipedians are fated to relive and reify the long-forgotten lessons of history. They relive those lessons by reprising the same kind of political dramas that fill the history books since the dawn of civilization.

The anachronistic governance model which Jimbo Wales foolishly and mindlessly introjected into Wikipedia is simply not a sustainable model in this day and age. Summary and capricious banning wasn’t even a sustainable model some 3768 years ago when Hammurabi first singled it out as an unacceptable practice in a civilized culture.

So what to do about it? The answer can be found in the second law of Hammurabi’s Code. As Hammurabi advises, the solution is to tell them to go jump in the lake.

Or as they say in Yiddish, “Nem zich a vaneh!“

Further comments by readers of the P2P Foundation may be found here. Additional comments by participants of Wikipedia Review may be found here.

Moulton Lava

Truth, Justice, and the American Way

The Rise and Fall of the Nerd Right

Madonna — American Life

Once a Bureaucracy, Always a Bureaucracy

My Comment

My Moment — Rebecca Black

Allie Catter and the Prisoner of Lulzkaban

The Handwriting on the Wall

Hot 'n' Cold

Hot 'n' Cold — Katy Perry and Elmo

Banned in the Land of Sun

Born in the USA — Bruce Springsteen

The Declaration of Indigestion

Alone Together

The Sounds of Silence — Simon and Garfunkel

All Your Goons Are Belong To Us

All Your Goons Are Belong To Us

Schadenfreude Theatre of the Absurd

Schadenfreude Theatre

With Gastrin Bombesin

Sponsored by Cluster B

Featuring the Baletomatic 76 Commercial

Lunatic Drama

Block Party with Sweet Badass John and Jumbo Whale

Mockin' the Dog

Dr. Rangeblock

Dr. Rangeblock

-or-

How I Learned to Stop Lamenting and Love the Lunatic Drama

Bombesin Man

Poetry Man — Phoebe Snow

Don't Tread On Me

Real Slow Drag

Real Slow Drag — Tay Zonday

From Treemonisha by Scott Joplin

WVBD Jingle

Truth in Advertising

Joe & Paul — The Barton Brothers

Original Parody of Yiddish Radio

We Will Mock You

We Will Rock You — Queen

Planet Ayedee

Episode 4: Planet Ayedee

Trout of Doubt

Episode 3: Trout of Doubt

Drinking the Anonymity Kool-Aid

Episode 2: Drinking the Anonymity Kool Aid

Blography of a Killer Poodle

Episode 1: Biography of Killer Poodle

An Opera Gonna Come

A Change Is Gonna Come — Sam Cooke

The Operas We Are a-Stagin'

I've Got a Theory

I've Got a Theory — Buffy & the Scooby Gang

Vandalism Alert in the Dark Bunker

Cherubino's Aria

Cherubino's Aria — Adya & Geisha

Non so più cosa son, cosa faccio... Or di fuoco, ora sono di ghiaccio... Ogni donna cangiar di colore, Ogni donna mi fa palpitar. I don't know any more what I am, what I'm doing... First I'm on fire, then I'm iced... Pretty women make me blush, Hot chicks make my heart throb.

The HOLE Story

Reference

Amazing Gradient

No Mo' Pho to Morrow

Tomorrow — Maxime Beelen on Holland's Got Talent

I'm In a Daze

Those Were the Days — Mary Hopkin (1968)

Four-Channel Communication

On Four-Channel Communication

Fr33kman vs. the Dread Barsoom

Snoopy vs. the Red Baron — The Royal Guardsmen

Undo It

Undo It — Carrie Underwood

Victory Play

Victory Day — Tom Cochrane and Red Rider

Wikiday

Rebecca Black's Friday from Rebecca Black

Leader of the Pack

Leader of the Pack — Twisted Sister

Minority Report

Jimmy Wong sings a love letter to Alexandra Wallace

Non so più cosa son, cosa faccio...
Or di fuoco, ora sono di ghiaccio...
Ogni donna cangiar di colore,
Ogni donna mi fa palpitar.

I don't know any more what I am, what I'm doing...
First I'm on fire, then I'm iced...
Pretty women make me blush,
Hot chicks make my heart throb.

I Am a Man of Constant Sorrow — The Soggy Bottom Boys
(George Clooney, Oh Brother, Where Art Thou, 2000)

Bad Project — Lady Science
(Parody by Zheng Lab at Baylor College of Medicine)

Featuring Moulton, GrotesqueBaboonGuy, Subtle Bee,
Emperor, Milton Roe, TungstenCarbide, El Bufón Pelirroja,
Warden "Ninja" Gomi, Sxeptomaniac, CharlotteWebb,
Jon Awbrey, Kato, and the W-R Geek Chorus