Mugging Moulton In the Park

I'd like to take you now on wings of song, as it were, and try and help you forget perhaps for a while your drab, wretched encylopedia. Here's a song all about fling-time in general, and in particular, about one of the many delightful pastimes the coming of newbies affords seasoned Wikipedians.

Title: Mugging Moulton In the Park
Artist: Barsoom Tork
Composer: Tom Lehrer and Barsoom Tork Associates
Midi: Poisoning Pigeons In the Park

Filll is here, a-fuh-fuh-Filll is here.
Wiki is battles and Skypecast is fear.
I think the buggiest crime of the year is the fling.
I do, don't you? 'Course you do.
But there's one thing that makes a fling complete, you see,
And makes ev'ry new day a cheat for free.

All the world seems in tune
On a Wiki afternoon,
When they're mugging ole Moulton in the park.
Ev'ry Doomsday you'll see
Filll's pals on a spree,
Mugging ole Moulton in the park.

When you see them coming, the newbies all try an' hide,
But they still go for bait coated with cyanide.
ArbCom's shining bright,
Ev'rything seems all right,
When they're mugging ole Moulton in the park.

Lalaalaalalaladoodiedieedoodoodoo

They've gained notoriety,
And caused much anxiety
In the Ethical Society
With their games.
They call it impiety,
And lack of propriety,
And quite a variety
Of unpleasant names.
But it's not against any rule
To want to dispose of a fool.

So if some day you're free,
Why don't you join in the spree,
Mugging ole Moulton in the park.
And maybe you'll erase
An entire userspace,
While you're mugging ole Moulton in the park.

You can cast out a character with Shadenfreude spam.
Except for the few that you stuff in the can.
Your pulse will be quickenin'
With each banhammer lickenin'
As you clobber the old one,
It just takes a bold one!
Mugging ole Moulton in the park.

CopyClef 2008 Tom Lehrer and Barsoom Tork Associates.
All wrongs reversed.

I Write the Songs

Artist: Barsoom Tork
Song: I Write the Songs
Composer: Bruce Johnston and Barsoom Tork Associates
MP3: I Write the Songs


[Click to start embedded MP3]
I’ve been alive forever, and I wrote the very first song
I put the words and the Midis together,
I am shameless, and I write the songs

I write the songs that make grown men cry
I write the songs of Wikipedia Pie
I write the songs that makes Durova sigh
I write the songs, I right the wrongs

My blog cries deep within you,
I’ve lodged my talk page in your soul
Now, when I look out through fresh eyes,
I’m young again, even though I’m very old

Chorus

Oh my music makes you dance
And lifts your spirits from the trance,
And I wrote some rock ’n’ roll so you can move
Music fills your heart,
Well, that’s a real fine place to start
It’s from me it’s for you,
It’s from you, it’s from me,
It’s a Wikipedia symphony

Chorus

I am music, and I write the songs
I put the words and the Midis together,
I am shameless, and I write the songs
I write the songs that right the wrongs

Mistakes Were Made

Three Little Jerks and Cruel
From The Mistako by Dilbert and Sullivan


[Click to start embedded Midi.]
Three little jerks and cruel are we
Punk as a bully well can be
Filled to the brim with hubricity
Three little jerks and cruel

Dramahz is our source of fun
Nobody's safe, 'cuz we care for none
RfC is a sham that's just begun
Three little jerks and cruel

Three little jerks who, all unwary
Come from an Essjay seminary
Freed from its genius tutelary
Three little jerks and cruel
Three little jerks and cruel

One little jerk is a blackguard glum
Two little jerks in attendance come
Three little jerks is the total sum
Three little jerks and cruel
Three little jerks and cruel

From three little jerks take one away
Two little jerks remain, and they
Won't have to wait very long, they say
Three little jerks and cruel
Three little jerks and cruel

Three little jerks who, all unwary
Come from Essjay's seminary
Freed from its genius tutelary
Three little jerks and cruel
Three little jerks and cruel

CopyClef 2008, Dilbert & Sullivan, and Barsoom Tork Associates
North Amurcan Bupkis, Exclusive Internet Dementors

"At North Amurcan Bupkis, Our Dithyrambs Are Your Everlasting Annoyance."

Emotional Semantics and Emotional Semiotics

Prologue and Mockingbird Overture

Bildungsroman in the Age of Character Assassination

From The Ring of the Neener Bomb

Barsoom Tork reaches for his bible, Anguish in Taunt and Reaction, by Essenem Hayacaca. Barsoom opens his biblical tome, which presents the latest theological insights into the emerging field of Emotional Semantics and Emotional Semiotics. Barsoom turns to one of the bookmarked hymns toward the back of the book.

Montana Mouse, decked out in his trademark porkpie hat and red neckerchief, accompanies Barsoom on the banjo...


Mockingbird



[Click to start MIDI.]

Hush, Wikipediots, don't say a word,
Barsoom's gonna show you a mockingbird.
And if that mockingbird don't sing,
Barsoom's gonna turn to a poetry fling.

And if that poetry turns out crass
Barsoom's gonna hold up a looking glass.
And if that looking glass gets smote,
Barsoom's gonna bring in a flying goat.

And if that scholarly tract don't work,
Barsoom's gonna look like a stupid jerque.
And if that anguish makes you frown,
You'll still be the cutest cabal in town.

So hush, Wikipediots, don't you cry
Barsoom's gonna fix us some nice stir phry.
 

CopyClef 2001-2008 by Yugo Gurl and Essenem Hayacaca.
Adapted and Performed by Barsoom Tork and Montana Mouse.
North Amurcan Bupkis, Exclusive Internet Distributors.


"At North Amurcan Bupkis, we solemnly swear we're up to no good."

Hey Fellla!

Album: Dirty Douching
Artist: Bruce Channel and Barsoom Tork
Song: Hey Fellla!

[Click to start Midi accompaniment.]

Hey, hey hey Fellla!
I want to know-ho-ho if you'll be my kvetch
Hey, hey hey Fellla!
I want to know if you'll be my kvetch

When I saw you bloggging on the net
I said that's the kind of jerk I'd like to vet
He's so bitchy, folks he can whine
I'm gonna make him toe that line

Hey, hey hey Fellla!
I want to know if you'll be my kvetch

When you bolted and bounded away
That's when I had to say
C'mon Fellla, give me a retch
I want to know if you'll be my kvetch

Hey, hey hey Fellla!
I want to know if you'll be my kvetch

When you bolted and bounded away
That's when I had to say
C'mon Fellla, give me a retch
I want to know if you'll be my kvetch

Hey, hey hey Fellla!
I want to know if you'll be my kvetch
Hey, hey hey hey hey, Fellla
C'mon, Fellla now.....

Neil's Wacky Wiki Word Cloud

Neil's Wacky Wiki Word Cloud

All Things Snotty

ARTIST: Barsoom Tork
TITLE: You're So Mean
MIDI: You're So Vain

You're So Mean

[Click to start embedded Midi]

You waltzed into the Wiki
Like you were walking onto a yacht
Your words pretending to be so kind
Your background was LightGreySnot
You had one eye on the watchlist
As you watched yourself get caught
And you dreamed you'd be everyone's partner
They'd be your partner, and...

You're so mean
You probably think this thread is about you
You're so mean
I'll bet you think this snark is about you
Don't you? Don't you?

You rebuked me several months ago
When I was still quite naive
Well, you said that we made such a nasty pair
And that you would never leave
But you threw away the things they loved
And one of them was me

I had some dreams there were clods in the Café
Clouds in the Wiki, and...

You're so mean
You probably think this rant is about you
You're so mean
I'll bet you think this snark is about you
Don't you? Don't you?

I had some dreams there were clods in the Café
Clouds in the Wiki, and...

You're so mean
You probably think this blog is about you
You're so mean
I'll bet you think this snark is about you
Don't you? Don't you?

Well, I hear you went up to RfC
And your clique naturally won
Then you sent snotmail in confidence
To see what total harm could be done
Well, you're down here, playing childish games
And when you're not, you're with
Some WikiClique spy or the strife of a close friend
Strife of a close friend, and

You're so mean
You probably think this song is about you
You're so mean
I'll bet you think this snark is about you
Don't you? Don't you?

CopyClef 1998-2008 Carly Simon and Barsoom Tork.
North Amurcan Bupkis, exclusive Internet dispiritor.

"At North Amurcan Bupkis, we're always in your face."

Another Cabal Bites the Dust

Hollaback Flack


[Click to start embedded IP-sucking Midi.]

Uh huh, this is my skit
All the flacks stomp your feet like this...

[Chorus]:
A few times we've been around this track
So we know it's always gonna happen like that
Because the WikiClique Scare is a Hollaback Flack
Every clique there is a Hollaback Pack [Repeat]

Ooooh ooh, this my skit, this my fit [4x]

I heard that Filll was raising a fit
And you didn't think I would write a skit
People hear you talking like that
Getting everybody fired up

So I'm ready to give you a smack, gonna lead the pack
Gonna write a song, gonna take you down
That's right, put your mouse pads down
Getting everybody riled up

A few times we've been around that track
So we know it's always gonna happen like that
Because the WikiClique Scare is a Hollaback Flack
Every clique there is a Hollaback Pack [Repeat]

Ooooh ooh, this my skit, this my fit [4x]

So that's right dudes, meet the energy creatures
No grown-ups, no ArbCom preachers
Everyone wants to be the victor
But there can only be scum

So we're gonna fight, gonna give it all our might
WikiCliques's gonna fall, gonna bore you all
That's right — no one is standing
Another cabal bites the dust

A few times we've been around that track
So we know it's always gonna happen like that
Because the WikiClique Scare is a Hollaback Flack
Every clique there is a Hollaback Pack [Repeat]

Ooooh ooh, this my skit, this my pit [4x]

Let me hear you say this skit is bananas
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
(This skit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S)
Again this skit is bananas
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
(This skit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S)

A few times we've been around that track
So we know it's always gonna happen like that
Because the WikiClique Scare is a Hollaback Flack
Every clique there is a Hollaback Pack [Repeat]

Ooooh ooh, this my skit, time to quit [4x]

CopyClef 2007-2008, Gwen Stefani and Barsoom Tork Associates.
North American Bupkis. All wrongs reversed.

"At North American Bupkis, we ain't got time for mopery."

Hollaback Girl — Gwen Stefani

The Day Due Process Died

Wikipedia Pie

[Click to start Midi accompaniment]

A long, long time ago...
I can still remember
How that music used to make me smile.
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make that Lego dance
And, maybe, they'd be happy for a while.

But Odd nature made me shiver
With every posting I'd deliver.
Bad news on the doorstep;
I couldn't take one more schlepp.

I can't remember if I cried
When I learned about OrangeMarlin's pride,
But something touched me deep inside
The day Due Process died.

So bye-bye, Wikipedia Pie.
Drove my 'puter to the snooter,
But the snooter was sly.
And them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye
Singin', "This'll be the day that I die.
This'll be the day that I die."

Did you write the Book of Thoth,
And do you have faith in FM's troth,
If Filll Bob Stevens tells you so?
Do you believe in rock 'n roll,
Can music save your mortal soul,
And can you play the Numa Dance real slow?

Helter skelter in a summer swelter.
The birds flew off with a fallout shelter,
Eight miles high and falling fast.
It landed foul on leaves of grass.
The players tried for a forward pass,
With the jester on the sidelines in a blast.

Now the half-time air was sweet perfume
While the sergeant played a drumbeat tune.
We all got up to dance,
Oh, but we never got the chance!
'Cause the players tried to take the field;
The Muppet band refused to yield.
Do you recall what was revealed
The day Due Process died?

We started singing,
"Bye-bye, Wikipedia Pie."
Drove my 'puter to the snooter,
But the snooter was sly.
Them good old boys were downing Haldol and rye
And singin', "This'll be the day that I die.
This'll be the day that I die."

Oh, and there we were all in one thread,
A generation lost in dread
With no time left to start again.
So come on: WAS be nimble, WAS be quick!
WAS sat smack on a mugging schtick
Cause fire is the devil's only friend.

Oh, and as I watched him on the stage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage.
No Fiery Angel born in hell
Could break that Satan's spell.
And as the flames climbed high into the night
To light the sacrificial rite,
I saw Satan laughing with delight
The day Due Process died.

He was singing,
"Bye-bye, Wikipedia Pie."
Drove my 'puter to the snooter,
But the snooter was sly.
Them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye
And singin', "This'll be the day that I die.
This'll be the day that I die."

CopyClef 2005-2008 Don McLean and Barsoom Tork Associates.
North Amurcan Bupkis, Reclusive Internet Dementors.

"At North Amurcan Bupkis, we think the anonymous admins of the English Wikipedia are cowardly weenies."

Strangely Familiar

Befuddled, Bothered, and Bedeviled

Performed by Filll and Moulton

From Bah Phooey
By Rogers & Hart and Barsoom Tork Associates

[Click to start Midi accompaniment]

After one whole week of Wiki
Like a schmendrick I awake
With no Bromo Seltzer handy,
I don't even quake.

Conflict's not a new sensation;
I've done pretty well, I think.
But this ferchachta imitation
Put me on the blink

I'm wild again
Defiled again
Simpering, whimpering, and riled again
Befuddled, bothered and bedeviled am I

I couldn't write
And wouldn't write
Until I could write where I shouldn't spite
Befuddled, bothered and bedeviled am I

Lost my head but what of it?
My mistake I agree.
Filll's such a laugh, and I love it
Although the laugh's on me.

I'll sing to him
This spring to him
And scatter the allies that cling to him
Befuddled, bothered and bedeviled am I

He's kept enough
He's schlept enough
And yet where it counts he's adept enough
Befuddled, bothered and bedeviled am I

A pill he is
That Filll, he is
All pwned and I'll bleep him until he is
Befuddled, bothered and bedeviled like me.

When he balks he is seeking
Words to get off his chest.
Editorially speaking
He's at his very best.

Oh we've seen a lot
I mean a lot
But now we're like squabbling teens a lot
Befuddled, bothered and bedeviled am I

We're vexed again
Perplexed again
Thank God we can't be multiplexed again
Befuddled, bothered and bedeviled am I

Wise at last
My eyes at last
Are cutting you down to your size at last
Befuddled, bothered and bedeviled no more

Burned a lot
But learned a lot
And now I'm chagrined 'cuz I'm spurned a lot
Befuddled, bothered and bedeviled no more

Couldn't eat
Was dyspeptic
Wiki's so hard to bear;
Now my gut's antiseptic since I've been bounced out of there

Romance finis
Last chance finis
Those ants that invaded these pants finis
Befuddled, bothered and bedeviled no more.

CopyClef 2008 Rogers & Hart and Barsoom Tork Associates.

NeuroTypicals and Atypicals

Most NeuroTypicals are weak in Math/Logical Intelligence. And so, over the past half century, those of us who were strong in Math/Logic Intelligence gave the world just what they most needed — calculators and computers and other high-functioning technology systems that automagically did the bothersome math/logic for them.

Now that we've done pretty much all we can to help those who are weak where we are strong, we're taking up the challenge of using the same innovative technology to help ourselves and others who are more severely affected by Autism.

The big frontier in Affective Computing, now underway in Rosalind Picard's group at the MIT Media Lab, is to develop innovative technology systems that assist those of us who are weak at social-emotional-political information processing to compute the same insights that NeuroTypicals do so effortlessly.

It's taken us a long time, because NeuroTypicals (being relatively weak in scientific and mathematical methods) have not elevated their own innate socio-political intuitions into an express theory or computable model that we could readily transfer into silicon-based processors.

But now that's changing. Cynthia Breazeal's group is building Sociable Robots, one of which has just been installed in Cahners Computer Place at the Boston Museum of Science. The MDS Robot is mobile, dextrous, and sociable.

Work in innovative technology for individuals on the Autism Spectrum has been going on for several years now. Work is also underway in enhanced and automated systems for StoryCraft and Drama Games.

I'm Sorry, Too

Judge Paul Mahoney, the presiding judge in the East Boston Municipal Court where Star Simpson's case was continued month after month for nine months, has finally dismissed the felony charges and called for an apology.

And well he should.

I, for one, am very sorry.

I'm sorry the well paid and highly trained security staff at Logan Airport were unable to distinguish a simple electric light bulb circuit from a nuclear detonator. And I'm sorry the officials of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts saw fit to spend nine months and Guvnor knows how much of the taxpayer's money on a criminal case that they must have known from the outset could not have gone forward on the basis of the "hoax" statute or the evidence.

Star Simpson is 20 years old. She was 13 years old and living in Hawaii when 9/11 occurred. When I was 13 years old and living in Omaha, I barely knew anything about what was going on in Boston, a thousand miles away from Nebraska.

But more to the point, it was 109 years before Star Simpson was even born that Thomas Alva Edison wired up the very first electric light bulb circuit — an electric power source, a piece of wire, and a light bulb. Today, that ubiquitous light bulb circuit can be found in your car headlights, in your table lamp, in your flashlight, strung out on your Christmas tree, in your children's twinkling sneakers, and embedded in colorful drinks served at the Rainforest Cafe.

I find it utterly astonishing that highly trained and highly paid security officials at Logan Airport are evidently unfamiliar with this ubiquitous circuit that has been part of American culture for 129 years, and unable to recognize it upon close inspection.

And I am chagrined that the Prosecutor in this case — Suffolk County District Attorney Daniel Conley — honestly believed for nine long and aggravating months that he could prove in a Court of Law that Star Simpson intended to fool anyone (least of all Major Scott Pare of the State Police) with such a commonplace piece of everyday technology as a simple flashlight circuit with a dime-store 9-volt transistor radio battery and ten tiny lights arranged in an asterisk design to symbolize Star's name.

When I was a 20-year old undergraduate in Electrical Engineering at the University of Nebraska, I did what every other classmate of mine did. I wired up a light bulb circuit and stuck it inside a red clip-on bow tie to wear during Engineer's Week. That's how we greeted the visitors who came to see our projects. And that was in 1965. People laughed. They didn't panic and summon the Nebraska State Police to pull out semi-automatic Uzis and Prosecutorial Kiboshnikovs.

As a science educator, I am sorry to say we have failed miserably to educate the lay public, the police, and responsible public officials in the rudiments of the simple electric light bulb circuit — a battery, a piece of wire, and a light bulb.

To awe-struck officials like District Attorney Daniel Conley, Major Scott Pare of the State Police, and Massport spokesman Phil Orlandella, a genius of the caliber of Thomas Alva Edison must have been as a God to them, producing inconceivable miracles of artificial light the likes of which mere public officials can neither imagine nor shrug off as no big thang in this day and age.

Remind me not to carry an unconcealed iPod or an iPhone when picking up friends at Logan Airport. I wouldn't want to give them a scare.

Kudos to Serina Barkley

Hawaii Student Avoids Prison In Boston Airport Scare

MIT Student Must Perform Community Service Including Time With Veterans

HONOLULU -- A college student from Maui avoided prison time Monday and got probation for creating a bomb scare at Boston's Logan Airport last fall.

Last September, Massachusetts Institute of Technology sophomore Star Simpson entered Logan Airport and asked about an incoming flight wearing a circuit board with wires connected to a battery on her shirt.

Boston police surrounded her at gunpoint. Authorities charged her with possession of a hoax device.

"They dropped the only charge that was pending against Star, they dismissed it," defense attorney Serina Barkley said.

Simpson's lawyers handled her case pro-bono.

Sustained applause.

Way to go, Counselor! Well done.

I have sent this note along to Star...

From: Moulton
Date: Mon, Jun 2, 2008 at 4:49 PM
Subject: Invitation to Become a Museum of Science Volunteer
To: Star Simpson

Hi Star,

It occurs to me that you might be interested in joining with me as a Volunteer in the Boston Museum of Science. I've been doing this for 20 years now, and I love it.

If you can commit 4 hours a week, we'd love to have you in Cahners Computer Place (where I volunteer every Saturday afternoon) or in any of the many other interesting locales in the Museum.

It's a great way to give something of value back to community, and you'll meet many fine people there who are able to appreciate your considerable talents as a role model for young people interested in science and technology.

Regards,

Moulton the Schmeggegy Scientist

--
The Process of Enlightenment Works In Mysterious Plays.

Fascinating!

The following appears on page 93 of Rosalind Picard's 1997 book, Affective Computing, in Chapter 3, Applications of Affective Computing:

Emotions In Learning

Fascinating!
—Mr. Spock, Star Trek

Curiosity and fascination begin many a learning episode. As the learning task increases in difficulty, however, one may experience confusion, frustration, or anxiety. Learning may be abandoned because of these negative feelings. If the pupil manages to avoid or proceed beyond these emotions, then progress may be rewarded with an "Aha!" and accompanying neuropeptide rush. Even Spock, the unemotional patron saint of computer scientists, frequently exclaimed upon learning something new that it was "fascinating!" 

Dr. Barry Kort, a mentor of children exploring and constructing scientific worlds on the MUSE (Multi-User Simulation Environment) and a volunteer for nearly a decade in the Discovery Room at the Boston Museum of Science, says that learning is the quintessential emotional experience. Kort says his goal is to maximize intrigue—the fascination stage—and to minimize anxiety. Kort suggests that all learning systems have affective states, and that future autodidactic learning systems will exhibit such recognizable states as curiosity, fascination, puzzlement, confusion, frustration, insight, satisfaction, and confidence.
 

Today, on NPR's Weekend Edition Sunday, the continuing series, "In Character" takes up the fascinating character of Spock.

Here are some excerpts:

Fascinating — four syllables and one arched eyebrow — that's Spock, just as much as his pointy Vulcan ears.

D.C. Fontana was a writer for the original Star Trek series, which ran from 1966 to 1969. She says that singular "fascinating" conveyed interest, skepticism and — layered deeply in there — a kind of wonder.

Nimoy found fascination in Spock's status as an outsider.

"When [Gene Roddenberry] hired me to do the role," Nimoy says, "he gave me a very interesting dynamic to work with, in that Spock's mother was human, his father was Vulcan. He was sort of a half-breed."

And as such, he was prone to some internal conflict.

As Spock's mother Amanda explained in one episode: "When you were 5 years old and came home stiff-lipped, anguished ... I watched you knowing that, inside, the human part of you was crying."

"I think that's one of the most interesting things about Spock," says Nimoy. "It's not what you're getting, but what you don't get — what peeks out occasionally."

Click on the link to read and listen to the rest of NPR's "In Character" feature on the fascinating character of Star Trek's Science Officer Spock.