Moulton Lava

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Location: New England, United States

Monday, July 18, 2011

Allie Catter and the Prisoner of Lulzkaban

Cast of Characters:

Allie Catter, the grrl who partook of the Apple and lived.

Sirius Dork, the Prisoner of Lulzkaban.

The Sherrif of Grippodam, Guerrilla of the Vinyl Solution.

Alien Johnslam, mild-mannered Dorkplace employee by day, intrepid crime-stopper by night

Lark Donnybook, mild-mannered Dorkplace employee by day, imaginative book-maker by night

Lol Eater, the inevitable highly attractive bait.

Professor Moultonagall, narrator of improbable stories.


Our highly improbable story takes place at Boggart's School of Lulzsec and Bigotry.

Backstory: Alien Johnslam launches a secret program of Radical Profiling in the Town of Least Pallid Auto, which eventually becomes a career-ending scandal for her. But before that banal denouement, there is Dramahz Galore as Sirius Dork (a misguided resident of Least Pallid Auto) becomes ensnared in a dangerous game of Guerrilla Theater, inspired by the Sherrif of Grippodam's original Guerrilla Theater of the Absurd, known to Trolls everywhere as ED's Sully Van Theater, an Evil Cult of the Vinyl Solution, where nobody gets out alive.

Our story begins as Allie Catter is drawn into Boggart's School of Lulzsec and Bigotry by Lol Eater, the Dreaded Demon of Dopamine Drives, where the name of the game is Narcissistic Hounding. Allie Catter meets Sirius Dork at the Boggart's School and engages him in a lop-sided battle of wits, skits, and snits. Their ill-conceived affair devolves into a Tragic Story of Unrequited Hate.

Sirius Dork blunders badly, and is arrested by Alien Johnslam on a suspicion of being a dork in public. Lark Donnybook charges the miscreant with Dorkplace Violence for Over-Acting in the Guerrilla Theater of the Absurd. Bail is set at 100,000 Knuts, and Dork is sent to Lulzkaban, where he tattoos the Dork Symbol on his ribs, all the while brooding over his fate and planning his revenge.

We take up our story just as Sirius Dork escapes from Lulzkaban and resumes Dorking in Public on the mean streets of Least Pallid Auto.

Act Two

After dicking around with Sirius Dork for twelve years, Allie Catter eventually realized that Dork's terroristic threats were hollow and pathetic ploys to remain in the comfortable custody of Santa Clarabelle's House of Corrections. Dork sought in vain to convince other would-be victims to testify against him, so as to renew his lease on free living quarters.

Professor Moultonagall discovered Dork's sick game, which had become increasingly tiresome to Allie Catter, who now found herself working both sides of the street — convincing others the terroristic threats were real while taking gleeful pleasure in testifying convincingly of Dork's delinquent depravity, as dutifully recorded in Encyclopedia Dramatica.

What happens next?  Who the devil knows, as the ending has not yet been written.

Evil Ways ~ Carlos Santana


Blogger Bruce A. McHenry said...

That's very creative, and metaphorical. I get:

Least Pallid Auto = Palo Alto, a LESSER Cambridge!
Sirius Dork = current belle
Allie Catter = next squeeze
Knuts = like Testicular Tachometer, x10

How did you get to know so much about narcissistic wounding? Did you spend much time at the 'tute?

3:27 PM  
Blogger Moulton said...

I learned about narcissistic wounding at the English Wikipedia.

6:53 PM  
Blogger Moulton said...

Cross Reference: Hot 'n' Cold

5:02 AM  
Blogger Moulton said...

Cross Reference: Bombesin Man

6:31 PM  
Blogger Moulton said...

Cross-Reference: Publishing Creepy Phone Calls from Sirius Dork.

8:48 AM  
Blogger Moulton said...

Cross-Reference: No Mo' Pho to Morrow

9:23 AM  
Blogger Moulton said...

Evidence: Funny Business

9:28 AM  
Blogger Moulton said...

Cross-Reference: The Dilemma of the Double Bind

8:43 PM  
Blogger Moulton said...

New song parody from Barsoom Tork Associates ...

Boggart's Hell

11:15 AM  
Blogger Moulton said...

Yet another new song parody from Barsoom Tork Associates ...

Good Time Allie’s Got the Blues

5:57 PM  
Blogger Moulton said...

Yet another new song parody from Barsoom Tork Associates ...

Radio Silence

8:57 PM  
Blogger Moulton said...

Also, here is a new addition to the whimsical series of UnBooks on Systemic Blunders from Chaos Publishing House.

UnDiagnosed: Inconsistency Redefined

6:10 AM  

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