My Comment

Title: My Comment
Artist: Moulton
Composer: Rebecca Black and Barsoom Tork Associates
YouTube: My Moment — Rebecca Black

Were you the one who wouldn't say nothing?
Well, I'm about to sing a song
I'm not the only one who believes in something
My lame theory is about to bug you

I'm not stopping for you
No matter what you do
I'll just keep on thinking
My lede up in the blogs
Where nobody is around to see...

This is my comment, my comment
It's my crime, flying high, fine slime
Feels like my comment, my comment
I've waited for so long
But now everybody knows
This is my comment, my comment

It's my crime, flying high, fine slime
Feels like my comment, my comment
I've waited for so long
But now everybody knows
This is my comment, my comment

You knew it all along, I was in awe of you
I thought I could be frank
I tried to be your friend
But you wouldn't let me

Remember what you said
Don't diss out on our dance
Our strife is in our hands
So let's take it just as far as we can
But trusting in oneself, forget everything else

Let's grieve...

This is my lament, my lament
It's my crime, flying high, fine slime
Feels like my lament, my lament
I've waited for so long
But now everybody knows
This is my lament, my lament

It's my crime, flying high, fine slime
Feels like my lament, my lament
I've waited for so long
But now everybody knows

Baiters, said I'll trash you later
Can't talk to you right now
I'm writing my paper
Said I'm doing Digg things
Things you never screamed of
I hope you are happy
Cause I'm about to throw up

This is my comment, my comment
It's my crime, flying high, fine slime
Feels like my comment, my comment
I've waited for so long
But now everybody knows
This is my comment, my comment

It's my crime, flying high, fine slime
Feels like my comment, my comment
I've waited for so long
But now everybody knows
This is my comment, my comment

CopyClef 2011 Rebecca Black and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware. All songs abused.

"At Resurrection Hackware, we bring the zombies back to life."

My Moment — Rebecca Black

Allie Catter and the Prisoner of Lulzkaban

Cast of Characters:

Allie Catter, the grrl who partook of the Apple and lived.

Sirius Dork, the Prisoner of Lulzkaban.

The Sherrif of Grippodam, Guerrilla of the Vinyl Solution.

Alien Johnslam, mild-mannered Dorkplace employee by day, intrepid crime-stopper by night

Lark Donnybook, mild-mannered Dorkplace employee by day, imaginative book-maker by night

Lol Eater, the inevitable highly attractive bait.

Professor Moultonagall, narrator of improbable stories.


Synopsis:

Our highly improbable story takes place at Boggart's School of Lulzsec and Bigotry.

Backstory: Alien Johnslam launches a secret program of Radical Profiling in the Town of Least Pallid Auto, which eventually becomes a career-ending scandal for her. But before that banal denouement, there is Dramahz Galore as Sirius Dork (a misguided resident of Least Pallid Auto) becomes ensnared in a dangerous game of Guerrilla Theater, inspired by the Sherrif of Grippodam's original Guerrilla Theater of the Absurd, known to Trolls everywhere as ED's Sully Van Theater, an Evil Cult of the Vinyl Solution, where nobody gets out alive.

Our story begins as Allie Catter is drawn into Boggart's School of Lulzsec and Bigotry by Lol Eater, the Dreaded Demon of Dopamine Drives, where the name of the game is Narcissistic Hounding. Allie Catter meets Sirius Dork at the Boggart's School and engages him in a lop-sided battle of wits, skits, and snits. Their ill-conceived affair devolves into a Tragic Story of Unrequited Hate.

Sirius Dork blunders badly, and is arrested by Alien Johnslam on a suspicion of being a dork in public. Lark Donnybook charges the miscreant with Dorkplace Violence for Over-Acting in the Guerrilla Theater of the Absurd. Bail is set at 100,000 Knuts, and Dork is sent to Lulzkaban, where he tattoos the Dork Symbol on his ribs, all the while brooding over his fate and planning his revenge.

We take up our story just as Sirius Dork escapes from Lulzkaban and resumes Dorking in Public on the mean streets of Least Pallid Auto.

Act Two

After dicking around with Sirius Dork for twelve years, Allie Catter eventually realized that Dork's terroristic threats were hollow and pathetic ploys to remain in the comfortable custody of Santa Clarabelle's House of Corrections. Dork sought in vain to convince other would-be victims to testify against him, so as to renew his lease on free living quarters.

Professor Moultonagall discovered Dork's sick game, which had become increasingly tiresome to Allie Catter, who now found herself working both sides of the street — convincing others the terroristic threats were real while taking gleeful pleasure in testifying convincingly of Dork's delinquent depravity, as dutifully recorded in Encyclopedia Dramatica.

What happens next?  Who the devil knows, as the ending has not yet been written.

Evil Ways ~ Carlos Santana

The Handwriting on the Wall

The phrase, "handwriting on the wall," comes from an Old Testament story found in Chapter 5 of the Book of Daniel. The (Hebrew) words written on the wall were "Mene, Mene, Tekel, uParsin" which we may poetically translate as "Money, Money, Token and Portion."

Nowadays, the writing on the wall is mostly found on Facebook, where it is occasionally as cryptic and foreboding as the ominous example from the Book of Daniel.

If one were to update these puzzling words to reflect the Daily Zeitgeist, the writing on the wall might read, "Lulz, Lulz, Psychodrama, and Fractiousness."

I reckon that "lulz" needs no explanation, as there is no shortage of gleeful schadenfreude in the modern age.

The difficulty comes in weighing the dreadfulness of the psychodramatic mind games that underlie the dopamine-driven pursuit of lulz. Some people laugh it off or shrug it off, while others are totally creeped out and/or phreaked out.

And thus arises the fractiousness, as the audience divides into polar camps, depending on the level of arousal of their amygdala (the brain's full-time fear-processor).

I tend to side with the sentiments of FDR, who said, "The amygdala has nothing to process but fear itself."

Or something like that.

Hot 'n' Cold

Title: Hot 'n' Cold
Artist: Montana Mouse and Alliecat
Composer: Katy Perry and Barsoom Tork Associates
YouTube: Hot 'n' Cold — Katy Perry and Elmo

You change your tune
Like Encyc hires a goon
Yeah, you lol and kvetch
I would know

And you nod and wink
Always speak elliptically
I should know
That you're upset with me

'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We laugh, we break up
We kvetch, we make up

You, you don't really wanna say, "No."
You, but you don't really wanna show, oh

'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down

We used to be just like twins, so engaged
The same energy now's a busted linkage
Used to laugh and then fret
Now you're wicked upset
I should know
That you're not so deranged

'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We diss, we wake up

You, you don't really wanna say, "No."
You, but you don't really wanna show, oh

You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up and you're down

Someone call the shrink
Got a case that's gone bipolar
Stuck on a rollercoaster
Can't get off this ride

You swap out cars
Like Kohs visits bars

'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We diss, we wake up

'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We laugh, we wake up
We diss, we make up

You, you don't really wanna say, "No."
You, but you don't really wanna show, oh

You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up and you're down, down, down, down...

CopyClef 2011 Katy Perry and Barsoom Tork Associates.
North American Bupkis. All wrongs reversed.

"At North American Bupkis, our annoying song parodies are your everlasting earworm."

Hot 'n' Cold — Katy Perry and Elmo

Banned in the Land of Sun

Title: Banned in the Land of Sun
Artist: Moonbeam
Composer: Bruce Springsteen and Barsoom Tork Associates
YouTube: Born in the USA — Bruce Springsteen

Banned down in a burned out town
The first lick I took was when I jammed around
You end up in a fog that's been scammed too much
Until you spend half your life just covering up

Banned in the Land of Sun,
I was banned in the Land of Sun
I was banned in the Land of Sun,
Banned in the Land of Sun

Got in a little hometown jam
So I put a pencil in my hand
Went off to live in story land
To write about the evil man

Banned in the Land of Sun . . .

Came back home to the Bandolier
Mother said, "Dear, if it was up to me"
Went down to see my living clan
Brother said, "Sis, don't you understand"

I had a brother whom I loved 'til death
Now his spirit thrives in my Zephyr breath
I'm still here but what good is wealth?

I had a mother whom I loved before
I got a message, now my heart is sore

Down in the shadow of the A-Bomb test
Out by the fires of the smoke-filled West
I'm ten years burning down the road
Nowhere to run, ain't got nowhere to go

Banned in the Land of Sun,
I was banned in the Land of Sun
Banned in the Land of Sun,
I'm a long gone daughter in the Land of Sun
Banned in the Land of Sun,
Banned in the Land of Sun
Banned in the Land of Sun,
I'm a soft talking siser in the Land of Sun

CopyClef 2011, Bruce Springsteen and Barsoom Tork Associates.
North American Bupkis. All wrongs reversed.

"At North American Bupkis, our asinine song parodies are your everlasting earworm."

Born in the USA — Bruce Springsteen

The Declaration of Indigestion

On this Independence Day, 2011, we reprise and update a classic item from this day in history, six years ago...

Montana Mouse reports:

Yesterday, John Forbes Nash, Douglas Hofstadter, Henry David Thoreau, Raymond Smullyan, Alison Cassidy, Gregory Kohs, Stephen Langton, Galileo Galilei, Moulton, Leonardo da Vinci, Gautama Siddhartha, Lao Tsu, and Socrates all met for Sunday Brunch at Shapiro's Deli.

After gorging themselves on Hot Pastrami and Dill Pickles for a marathon 13-hour food fest, they crafted and published this account of their conversations:

The Declaration of Indigestion
of the Thirteen Columnists

Incongruous, July 4, 2011
The Unanimous Declaration of the Thirteen United Avatars of Prevarica, Salut!

When in the multi-course food fights of humorous events, it becomes necessary for one clique to dissolve the political bands which have hot-linked them with another, and to assume among the powers of Teh Intarwebs, the separate and equal station to which the odd Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of the Yelpers requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the Salutation.

We hold these shibboleths to be self-evident, that all Hosts are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain Functional Protocols, that among these are Keep-Alive, Autonomy and the Pursuit of Constraint Satisfaction. —That to secure these protocols, Governing Dynamics are instituted among Hosts, deriving their Just Affordances from the content of the Regulatory Architecture, —That whenever any Form of Dysfunctionality becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Compulsion of the Debuggers to reprogram or to pitch it, and to institute new Governing Dynamics, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its protocols in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Robustness and Functionality. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governing Dynamics long established should not be changed for light and capricious causes; and accordingly all experience has shown, that Internet Hosts are more disposed to suffer, while Stack Overflows are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the annoying Recursions to which they are resigned and accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Nefarious Object evinces a design to reduce them under Dissolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, it is their obsession and compulsion to analyze such Governing Dynamics, and to provide new Zone Alarms for their future security. —Such has been the patient sufferance of these Columnists; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Governing Dynamics. The history of the present Rules of Engagement is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these Avatars. To prove this, let these Facts and Declarations be submitted to a candid and oblivious world.

We have infused our Assent to Functional Protocols, the most robust and necessary for the public good.

We have bidden the System Designers of our Regulatory Architecture to craft filters of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till Validation should be obtained; and when so suspended, we solemnly pledge to attend to them until we finally get the damn things working right.

We have agreed to invent other Protocols for the accommodation of large forums of people, unless those people would prefer the Right of Obliviousness of the System Architecture, a right inestimable to them and formidable to the Learning Disabled only.

We have called together Protocol Design Teams at places diverse, convenient, and distant from the Wayback Archives of the public Search Engines, for the sole purpose of intriguing them into reliance upon our ingenuity.

We have dissolved Unrepresentative Precipitates repeatedly, for opposing with erratic capriciousness the solubility of our evasions on the rights of the people.
We have refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to suffer others to be capriciously deselected; whereby the System Architecture, incapable of Annihilation, has returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State of the System remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of evasion from without, and nefarious convulsions from within. Or not.

We have endeavoured to prevent the depopulation of these System States; for that purpose clearing away obstacles for the Naturalization of Strangers and Aliens; refusing to diss others who encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Ghettolands and Obscure Shtetls.

We have deconstructed the Mal-Administration of Justice, by recusing ourselves from Assent to Designated Trolls for corrupting Judiciary powers.

We have made System Monitors independent of our druthers alone, for the tenure of their periodic log files, and the amount of payback for their labors.

We have erected a multitude of New Web Sites, and sent hither swarms of Embedded Plug-Ins, Animations, and Annoying Music to edutain our people, and to max out their available bandwidth.

Oops, mebbe that wasn't such a cool move on our part.

Are there any dill pickles left?

I'll have another cuppa cawfee.

---

CopySchlepp July 4, 2005, July 4, 2008, and July 4, 2011 by the Maundering MuseNet Players. All Wrongs Reversed.