Rocky Horror Brain Cafe

Composer's Libretto Notes

The Night Café ~ Vincent van Gogh

I have tried to express the terrible passions of the Rocky Horror Brain Caffiends by means of puns and scenes.

The stage is dull beige and stark mellow with a dream clue fable in the middle; there are four Leiben-Faerie vamps with a Crow of blancmange and spleen.

Everywhere there is a clash and contrast of the most alien dreads and screams, in the figures of brittle creeping hooligans, in the numpty dreary gloom, in violated hues and inscrutable clues.

The dull beige and the stark mellow of the clue fable, for instance, contrast with the soft- centered Garfunkel sheen of the walkout, in which there is a prose forlorn prayer.

The slight hammer of the Concierge, watchful in a corner of that foo-place, turns deja-mellow like pale luminous whipped cream.

Barsoom van Tork, 7 May 2015

Overture

Title: An Emopera Gonna Come
Artist: Moulton
Composer: Sam Cooke and Barsoom Tork Associates
YouTube: A Change Is Gonna Come — Sam Cooke

I was ousted by Becca in a stunning act
Oh, and just like Caprice
I been an outcast ever since

It's been a long
A long time coming but I know Emopera gon' come
Oh, yes it will

It's been too hard rocking but I'm afraid to say
'Cause I don't know what's out there beyond this fray

It's been a long
A long time coming, but I know a hiatus gon' come
Oh, yes it will

I go to Facebook and I GoAnimate
Somebody keep telling me, "Embrace your fate"
It's been a long
A long time coming but I know an Opera gon' come
Oh, yes it will

Then I go to that Martian and I say, "Barsoom help me please"
But he winds up mocking me with song parodies

Caprice ~ The Fantastic Flying Scapegoat for Azazel

Oh, there've been times that I thought
I couldn't last so long
Now I think I'm able to sing this song
It's been a long
A long time coming but I know
Azazel gon' come
Oh, yes he will

CopyClef 2015 Sam Cooke and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware. All wrongs reversed.

"At Resurrection Hackware, we solemnly swear we are up to no good."

A Change Is Gonna Come — Sam Cooke

Narrator

What we have in mind on this auspiciously suspicious occasion is a Shreklisch 21st Century CyberSpace Emopera, in which the Scooby Gang, played by Barsoom Tork Associates, mount a performance in two or three unnatural acts on the stage of Mystery Science Theatre 3000 (MST3K) entitled, "Rocky Horror Brain Cafe."

The all-important audience, representing the shadowed silhouettes on the walls of Plato's Cave include Tom Servo, Darth Feuder and Crow T. Foobot, representing the kvetching and trolling commentators in the audience who gleefully egg on the beleaguered and overworked actors on stage.

Your host for tonight's performance is Todd, in the role of the sober-sounding narrator and interpreter, otherwise known as The Stark Illuminati.  Our Theater Proprietor and Concierge is Becca McCall (nee Becca Nicole), who is endlessly at the motherly beck and call of the emotional needs of our sizable and occasionally anhedonic theater audience.

Before introducing the rest of tonight's cast, let's enjoy a musical prelude to our story.

This number is a lovely duet between Becca Nicole and Barsoom Tork, based on the classic duet between Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bocelli.

Prelude

Title: Time To Say Goodbye

Artist: Becca Nicole and Barsoom Tork

Composer: Francesco Sartori, Lucio Quarantotto, and Barsoom Tork Associates

YouTube: Time To Say Goodbye — Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bocelli

(Becca Nicole)

Late at night I dream of TBC and words flood over me
There's no insight in a thread where there is no light
And there is no light if trolls persist in teasing thee
From every plaint I learn that you've bewildered some
Into me you poured your plight that long has haunted thee

Time to say goodbye
Operas never sung nor yet composed anew
Create them now I beg of you
Please take a break with your hiatus crew
Two weeks will do
Dawdle not my friend nor tarry: adieu
It's time to say goodbye

(Barsoom Tork)

Late night my screen turns dark and moods flood over me
Of course I know your heart is part of me
You're like my Mom, I sense you're never far from me
You, my concierge, you sometimes fear for me
Dear me, dear me, dear me

Time to say goodbye
Emoperas not yet sprung shall soon emerge from Scooby crew
Time enough to wreak some parodies anew
Reworking old ones until the Muse comes through
It's time to say goodbye

(Both)

To Sandy's box, let's hie, hence to create a few
Atrocious scripts and dreadful puns, whee hoo!
Our gloom shall not persist in spite all night:
Release brings juvenile derring-do
Revival mode: let's craft a Horror Picture Show

You and me

CopyClef 2015 Francesco Sartori, Lucio Quarantotto, and Barsoom Tork Associates.

Resurrection Hackware. All songs abused.

"At Resurrection Hackware, our annoying song parodies are your everlasting earworm."

Time To Say Goodbye — Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bocelli

Narrator

Caprice will be playing the role of Scooby Doo, since that's a non-speaking part. Mani, Sabrina, Sandip, and Jen will play the other characters in the Scooby Gang.

Tonight's production will be featuring some random artwork and atrocious song parodies, of course.

Our shreklisch drama begins with an homage to "The Hero's Journey," featuring Mani, Sabrina, Sandip, and Jen as the Scooby Gang, with special cameo guest appearances by Jeffery, Elizabeth, Carol, and Lisa.


Aria

Title: SuperHeroes
Artists: Scooby Gang
Composer: Barsoom Tork Associates
YouTube: SuperHeroes — Rocky Horror Picture Show

(Mani)

I've done a lot
God knows I'm snide
Let's find the truth
Not magnified
But all I know
Is down inside we're

(Scooby Chorus) 

Bleeding

(Sabrina)

And Super Heroes
Come to feast
Lambaste the mess
Not yet released
And all I know is
Still the beast is

(Scooby Chorus) 

Feeding

(Sandip)

And sprawling with their CyberBrain
Homo Schleppians take the train
Lost in time, it's all in vain
And screaming

(Scooby Chorus with Munch's "Geshrai") 

Screaming

CopyClef 2015 Barsoom Tork Associates.
North American Bupkis. All wrongs reversed.

"At North American Bupkis, Lunatic Drama is our most important offense."

SuperHeroes — Charles Gray, Susan Sarandon, and Barry Bostwick

Narrator 

Becca McCall has blown the whistle on Moulton, who vigorously complains that's she's acting in error and in haste without researching the predictable consequences of her prospective action.  Deaf to his cries, Moulton forlornly belts out an atrocious, yet oddly anticipated solo ranticle.


Ranticle

Title: Mother Superior Jumped the Gun
Artist: Moulton
Composer: John Lennon and Barsoom Tork Associates
YouTube: Happiness Is a Warm Gun — John Lennon

Becca's not a girl who misses much
Do do do do do do do do, oh yeah
She's well acquainted with the touch of the velvet hand
Like a gecko on a window pane
The man in the crowd with the multi-coloured mirrors
On his shreklisch blogs
Scrying with his eyes while his fingers are busy
Clacking overtime
A soap opera session which he retched
And donated to the Rational Trust

Down
I need a trick 'cuz I'm going down
Down to the bits that I left uptown
I need a trick 'cuz I'm going down

Mother Superior jumped the gun
Mother Superior jumped the gun
Mother Superior jumped the gun
Mother Superior jumped the gun
Mother Superior jumped the gun
Mother Superior jumped the gun

Hoopiness is a warm pun (Hoopiness dang, dang, hoot, hoot)
Foofyness is a warm pun, Becca (Foofyness slang, slang, toot, toot)
When I scold you with my charms (Oo-oo oh yeah)
And I tap my keycaps o'er on Blogger (Oo-oo oh yeah)
I know lampoons can do no harm (Oo-oo oh yeah)
Because hoopiness is a warm pun, Becca
(Hoopiness dang, dang, hoot, hoot)
Hoopiness is a warm pun, yes it is (Hoopiness dang, dang, hoot, hoot)
Foofyness is a warm, yes it is, pun (Foofyness slang, slang, toot, toot)
Well, don't you know hoopiness is a warm pun, Becca?
(Hoopiness is a warm pun, yeah)

CopyClef 2015 John Lennon and Barsoom Tork Associates.
North American Bupkis. All songs abused.

"At North American Bupkis, we haven't got time for mopery."

Happiness Is a Warm Gun — John Lennon

Narrator

Meanwhile, the MST3K audience is getting excited.  Tom Servo, unable to contain himself, gets into the act.


Audience Participation

Title: Amida Queen (This Troll Has Grown)
Artist: Tom Servo
Composer: John Lennon, Paul McCartney and Barsoom Tork Associates
YouTube: Norwegian Wood — The Beatles

I once had a troll, or should I say, she once trolled me

I showed her my blog, isn't it keen, Amida Queen?

She asked me to play and she told me to blog with a flair

So I looked around and I reckoned this wasn't hot air

I sat on the thread, cocking my head, spelunking wry bread

We talked until two and then she said, "There's something to dread."

She gave me a puzzle, then bade me to leave it alone 

So I gave it to Scooby who loves to gnaw on a bone

And when morning came, this troll had a name

So I wrote a tune, isn't it keen, Amida Queen?

CopyClef 2015 John Lennon, Paul McCartney, and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware. All songs reused.

"At Resurrection Hackware, our atrocious song parodies are your existential nightmare."

Norwegian Wood — The Beatles

Magnum Farce: "Go Ahead, Make My Play"

Inspector Callaban, played by Jeffery, arrives fashionably late.

Inspector Callaban

Do you have any idea how hard it is to indict a stubborn scientist?

You caffiends have mischaracterized and indicted a dozen annoying scientists this week. What are you gonna do next week?

Caffiends

Scapegoat a dozen more.

Inspector Callaban

Is that what you neuro-topicals are all about, being hard-ass blue meanies?

Caffiends

All our sheriffs are goof-offs. We are the first generation that's learned to game the system. We're simply purging Facebook of dorky scientists that would be caught out and banished anyway if our rules and guidelines worked properly. We began with the MIT geeks that the people know, so that our actions would be understood and applauded. It's not just a question of whether or not to use ostracism. There simply is no other way, Inspector. You of all people should understand that. Either you're for us or you're against us.

Inspector Callaban

I'm afraid you've misbudged me.

Magnum Force — I'm Afraid You've Misjudged Me — Clint Eastwood

The Dog Fight

Title: Scooby Doo vs. Darth Feuder
Artists: Scooby Doo, Darth Feuder, and the Keystone Kops
Composer: Phil Gernhard, Dick Holler and Barsoom Tork Associates
YouTube: Snoopy vs. the Red Baron — The Royal Guardsmen

Achtung!
Jetzt singen wir gemeinsam die Geschichte
Über Darth Feuder, die Funkadoodle von Dysfunktionalität
Und die lästigen Barsoom Tork vom MIT

After the turn of the century
In the theatrical arch of the TBC
Came a liminal drama never seen before
Like the silent scream of a lunatic war

Eins, zwei, drei, vier ....

Up came a scare like a runaway train
Barsoom Tork was his avatar name
Stop Requests tried and Stop Requests fried
Now they're scattered all over the countryside

Ten, twenty, thirty, forty Keystone Kops
The meddlesome Tork was engaging their chops
Valiant Gate Keepers tried to end that spree
Of Barsoom Tork of MIT

Left, two, three, four ....

In the nick of time, a hero arose
A Lissatone Lass with a big fire hose
She raced into the scene to stop that runaway train
But Barsoom shot her down "Curses, foiled again!"

Ten, twenty, thirty, forty Keystone Kops
The meddlesome Tork was engaging their chops
Valiant Gate Keepers tried to end that spree
Of Barsoom Tork of MIT

Now, Darth Feuder had sworn that she'd get that dork
So she asked the Great Concierge for a trident fork
She challenged Caprice to a juicy food fight
And while Barsoom was laughing, bonked him late at night

That engineer quickly
Switch-tracked his trains
He tried every route,
But ran out of refrains
Darth Feuder bonked once
And then rebonked him twice more
And that meddlesome academic
Was again shown the door

Ten, twenty, thirty, forty Keystone Kops
The meddlesome Tork
Was engaging their chops
Valiant Gate Keepers tried to end that spree
Of Barsoom Tork of MIT

Well, ten, twenty, thirty, forty Keystone Kops
Were bound and determined to pull out the stops
Valiant Gate Keepers tried to end that spree
Of that meddlesome geek from MIT

CopyClef 2015 Phil Gernhard, Dick Holler and Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware. All wrongs reversed.

"At Resurrection Hackware, our atrocious song parodies are your existential nightmare."

Snoopy vs. the Red Baron — The Royal Guardsmen

The "Go Jump In the Lake" scene ...

At this point, Scooby Doo turns up, covered in mud.

In barely recognizable dog prosody, Scooby says, "I'm afraid you've mis-smudged me."

Scooby then jumps in the lake, comes out "all washed up," and vigorously shakes his body.

Sitting in the audience, Tom Servo, Darth Feuder, and Crow T. Foobot get all wet.  Darth Feuder is vaguely unhappy.  Tom shorts out and sizzles briefly.

The Finále to "Lacuna Kvetch Party"

Title: The Night They Drove Old Moulton Down

Artist: Montana Mouse

Composer: Robbie Robertson, Joan Baez and Barsoom Tork Associates

YouTube: The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down — The Band

YouTube: The Night They Drove Old Moulton Down — Joan Baez

Barsoom Tork is my name, and I rode on the Caffiend Train, 

'Til so much rivalry came and tore up the tracks again. 

In the Spring of Skandalon, we were rollin, just trollin' for bait. 

I took the Train to Becca's Hostel, it was a time I remember, oh so well. 

The Night They Drove Old Moulton Down, and all the bells were ringing, 

The Night They Drove Old Moulton Down, and all the caffeind's were stingin'. 

They went 

Na, 

Na, na, na, na, na, 

Blah, blah, buh blah, 

Buh blah blah, blah blah 

Back with Jen at Indignity, and one day she said to me, 

"Moulton, quick, come see, a-there goes Sandip on a spree!" 

Now I don't mind "Please stop it, Dood!" 

And I don't care if Darth Feuder is crude. 

Just take what ya need and efface the rest, 

But they should never have blasphemed the very best. 

The Night They Drove Old Moulton Down, and all the bells were ringing, 

The Night They Drove Old Moulton Down, and all the caffiends were stingin'. 

They went 

Na, 

Na, na, na, na, na, 

Blah, blah, buh blah, 

Buh blah blah, blah blah 

"True Rebel"

Like my father before me, I'm a working man,
And like Mani before me, I took a rebel stand.
Well, he was just pissed off, proud and brave,
But Becca McCall laid him in his grave,
I swear by the verse below my feet,
You can't raise the Torkel back up when he's in defeat.

The Night They Drove Old Moulton Down, and all the bells were ringing, 

The Night They Drove Old Moulton Down, and all the people were stingin'. 

They went 

Na, 

Na, na, na, na, na, 

Blah, blah, buh blah, 

Buh blah blah, blah blah 

CopyClef 2015 Robbie Robertson, Joan Baez, and Barsoom Tork Associates.

Resurrection Hackware. All wrongs reversed.

"At Resurrection Hackware, we bring the zombies back to life."

The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down — The Band

Walk-Out Music

El Condor Pasa (If I Could) — Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel

I'd rather be a sparrow than a snail

Yes I would, if I could, I surely would

I'd rather be a hammer than a nail

Yes I would, if I only could, I surely would

Away, I'd rather sail away

Like a swan that's here and gone

A man gets tied up to the ground

He gives the world its saddest sound

Its saddest sound

I'd rather be a forest than a street

Yes I would, if I could, I surely would

I'd rather feel the earth beneath my feet

Yes I would, if I only could, I surely would

El Condor Pasa — Simon and Garfunkel

Curtain Call 

Title: I'm Gamboling Home
Artist: Caprice and the Scooby Gang
Composer: Barsoom Tork Associates
Album: Curried Lava
YouTube: I'm Going Home — Tim Curry

Caprice ~ The Fantastic Flying Scapegoat for Azazel

Caprice: On the day I was sent away

Scooby Chorus: Goodbye

Caprice: Was all I had to say

Scooby Chorus: Now I

Caprice: I want to redact my dossier

Scooby Chorus: Oh my

Caprice:
Smile, and that will mean I may
'Cause I've seen Rocky Horrors
Through the exits out your doors
And I realize I'm gamboling home

Scooby Chorus: I'm gamboling home

Caprice: Everywhere, it's been the same

Scooby Chorus: Oy vey

Caprice: Like I'm outside of the Brain

Scooby Chorus: Cafe

Caprice: Free to fast-track a brief

Scooby Chorus: Delay

Caprice:
Words for sorrow
Words for pain
'Cause I've seen Rocky Horrors
Through the exits out your doors
And I realize I'm gamboling home

Scooby Chorus:
I'm gamboling home
I'm gamboling home
I'm gamboling home

CopyClef 2015 Barsoom Tork Associates.
Resurrection Hackware. All wrongs reversed.

"At Resurrection Hackware, our irritating song parodies are your everlasting earworm."

I'm Going Home — Tim Curry

And Now a Word From Our Sponsor ~ The Burnt Umbrage League

Vincent van Gogh Visits the Museum ~ Dr. Who

Hammurabic Disclaimer: The above Guerrilla Theatre Performance Art is a Comic Opera, featuring ridiculous caricatures of some real people. Such silly caricatures are not to be taken seriously.