Moulton Lava

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Location: New England, United States

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Junk Drawers

All this brouhaha over TSA pat-downs and viral videos like "Don't Touch My Junk" have prompted me to suggest a new small-business opportunity.

Here's the plan...

Alison Cassidy models her T-Shirt

Alison Cassidy models her conventional T-Shirt, "Some chicks marry chicks. Get over it."
First, we will need to find a company that can do simple sewing and/or T-shirt printing — like the outfit that prints T-shirts with political messages.

The idea is to market a line of underwear with messages intended for the eyes of TSA agents with those full-body scanner machines that use back-scatter x-rays.

Using electro-conductive metallic thread and/or metallic ink, choice messages will be stitched into or printed upon undergarments. The messages can be any combination of words or monochrome images.

The name of the line will be "Junk Drawers" and the advertising slogan will be "So What's In Your Junk Drawers?"

There will be a choice of stock messages, or customers can request custom messages or images. And we can begin with contests for people to suggest choice messages or drawings to be stitched or imprinted into "Junk Drawers."

So, what do readers think? Is it a money-maker?


Blogger Allie said...

I think this is awesome :) Fight them with pointed humor.

6:43 PM  
Blogger Moulton said...

Now we have to come up with content.

Maybe we can do riffs on "Turning the Other Cheek" and "Viagravation."

Maybe for Asian customers, a drawing of a Chinese Junk.

The Mae West Model would have an image of a banana with a smile on its face.

9:57 PM  
Blogger Moulton said...

With apologies to Alfred Lord Tennyson, here is some verse to adumbrate TSA...

With mighty wands and scans we watch
And trust begloved fondling paw
Our nature, dread in truth and law
With daring, peek upon your crotch

8:29 AM  
Blogger Moulton said...

So one idea is to design a pair of men's boxer shorts with a pair of strategically located, leering, salacious "Mike Wazowski" eyeballs (a la Monsters Inc) peering at the TSA agent, with the caption, "Here's looking at you, Kid."

And for women, a foundation garment inspired by Katy Perry's video, California Girls, imprinted with an aerosol spray of dessert topping and the legend, "Here's whipped cream in your eye, Kid."

10:05 AM  
Blogger The Princess Mom said...

I suppose a stick of dynamite would be out of the question. Or a gun with a "Boom" sign?

4:59 PM  
Blogger Moulton said...

Well, the idea is to embarrass the TSA agents while posing no threat to the traveling public.

Or should I say "traveling pubic?"

5:35 PM  

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